How Women Can Inspire Their Men To Greatness With Claudia Phillips

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman single or a couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 252. And it’s titled how women can inspire their men to Greatness with Claudia Phillips. So I’m really excited to have this conversation today. You know, I’m in a very fortunate place in this podcast where I get pitched by Pr agents every week, like a lot of them more than I can actually keep up with these days. So I never have a lack of interesting people to talk to on the show. And I rarely actually reach out to anybody myself and say, Hey, I would like to have you on the show. Today’s guest is somebody I actually reached out to, we were on a summit, the same summit we had never met before. But we got connected that way. And I was watching her social media posts. And I was really resonating with her message. And so I reached out to her and said, I would love to have you on the show. I don’t think anything that we’re going to talk about today is controversial in my personal opinion. But I think that people listening to this show might find some of the things we’re talking about to be rather controversial. Nevertheless, they need to be talked about because they are, in my opinion, some universal truths. So that’s what we’re all about here on this show sharing the truth. So we’re going to talk about, you know, relationship dynamics between men and women, and what are the roles in those relationships? And how can we show up to support each other in the best way that we can? And a whole lot more. So I think it’s going to be a great conversation. I’ve been looking forward to it all week. So without any further ado, let’s hear from our sponsor, and then welcome our guests to the show.

Okay, do you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed then check out Power and Mastery it is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections lasts longer or increase your sexual skills. There is something for you as power and mastery.com. listeners of the show know that that is the men’s sexual mastery course or courses really, that Selena and I created, they are fantastic, we get great feedback. If you are having problems in any area, whether it’s premature ejaculation, erection, difficulty or just wanting to master your sexual skills and show up better for your partner. Check out powerandmastery.com. Okay, today’s guest is Claudia Wheeler Phillips and she is a certified sex love and relationship coach who specializes in helping powerful successful women call in lasting sacred partnership with their king. She and her husband, Jonathan, are devoted to helping heal the schism between men and women on this planet and thrive in divine union. So welcome to the show, Claudia.

Claudia Phillips 3:19
Thank you so much, Kevin, it is delightful to be here with you.

Kevin Anthony 3:23
So you know, in your bio, it says that you work with women, but I want listeners to know that what we’re going to talk about today is not directed completely at women. So women who are listening, you can definitely learn from this, you can learn how to inspire your man and how to be a better woman in a relationship. But men I hope you’re listening up to because what she’s going to talk about is the kind of woman you want to look for. And if your woman is not treating you that way, then you might want to rethink that relationship. So there’s something here to be learned for both sides. I can almost guarantee that. Yes, so let’s just I mean, we’re gonna just jump right in. I say that a lot when I start the show because I often like to just literally go right into the deep end like we don’t wait in gently or gradually. Let’s just go straight for it. My first question is, how would you describe the current status of masculinity and femininity in relationships? What are we dealing with right now?

Claudia Phillips 4:27
Yeah, we are dealing with like a shit show, like we are dealing with, I would say chaos, confusion, and just complete disorder. And, you know, I mean, I think it’s even controversial in some ways to bring up masculine masculinity and femininity as actual principles that are beyond just a social construct. But because we live in a world where these ideas or these truths, let’s say are basically built up to be just that, oh, this is all this, this doesn’t have anything to do with biology, this doesn’t have anything to do like, with the truth of who we are essentially, as men and women, it’s kind of a free for all. And while that feels good, that may feel like a good idea for a while, you know, you can be like, Oh, I can be whoever I want to be in a relationship, there are no rules, I can do whatever I want. It’s causing a lot of chaos in relationships, it’s causing a lot of division, and it’s causing a lot of confusion in people’s relationships, marriages, love lives, and across the society at large. So that’s how I see it.

Kevin Anthony 5:44
I completely agree with you, I love the way that you’ve phrased that, it’s a shit show. And it is a shit show. And who both do relationship coaching, we see it on a daily basis, what a shitshow it is, we can see how people can’t figure out how to show up in a relationship. And we can see the conflicts, we can see the lack of polarity, we can see all the problems. And speaking for myself, because I can’t speak for you is often from a third-party point of view, really obvious to me when I’m working with somebody what the problems are, and yet they can’t see it.

Claudia Phillips 6:25
Totally, I mean, I think we have been by and large, I know I have, we’ve all been sold this idea that like all of this stuff, polarity and masculine and feminine and marriage and actually having roles. It’s all just something that and I think this you know, it goes back there’s you can trace it back to like Marxism and Neo-Marxism essentially is that like, it’s these, like, there aren’t actually any real truths. It’s just something that is all been socially constructed. And it’s all like a power hierarchy, right? And so because that we think of it that way. And so we take on this idea that, like we have to do whatever we can to get out of that. And so I see so many women, and also men, like leaving what is home to them, leaving their essence, leaving masculinity or femininity like that is inherent to them. That is like a biological reality, that is a hormonal reality. It’s not just a social construct. I truly believe this. And this has been my experience in my own life and just coaching.

So many women in this area, it’s like, because we believe it’s not real, we believe it’s a social construct. And we believe not only it’s a social construct, it’s a social construct that was like, created to somehow oppress women, right? Then we’re doing everything we can to fight against that, which is causing huge divisions between the sexes. It’s like the battle of the sexes if we thought it was bad in the 80s. It’s like, it’s never been worse. Yeah, so yeah, I mean, there’s a lot that I just said, but like, and we can kind of dissect the different pieces. But I feel like we’re pushing against who we are innately, and we’re trying to do something else. Because we don’t believe there’s any, innate truth of who we are biologically and physiologically and hormonally. And so, but, but then we encounter soon after that, like, oh, something’s not going, something’s not working here. Something is not working in my relationships. either. I can’t find a good man, I can’t find a man that I’m actually attracted to. I don’t know how to actually be in a relationship with a man I’m speaking from, like the woman’s perspective. I don’t know how to have a secure lasting partnership or marriage. And so I’m alone.

Kevin Anthony 8:52
Yeah, so you, you covered a lot there. I love everything you said, I just want to make sure that I can remember all the different pieces. So of course, let’s, let’s take a few steps backward. Because something I don’t really talk a lot about on this show, which is geopolitics, which is actually a hobby of mine listed. I don’t think I’ve ever told the listeners this on the show. But I actually have a degree in political science, among other things. So it’s something that I actually spend a lot of time following. And so you kind of brought a part of that into this conversation, which is the cultural Marxism that is a big influence on what’s happening here. And you’re absolutely right. They have this idea. It’s basically another term for it would be like moral relativism, right? Where there are no absolute truths, right, everything is relative. Well, that’s not really true. If you look at it this way or that way or whatever. Now, the reason they have that philosophy is that if they can get you to believe that there are no actual truths, then they can make you believe anything they want.

Anything can be true, literally anything. And that’s the point, the point is to break down your resistance to break down society so that you can program it any way you want. Because if you, if you didn’t break down that moral structure, you couldn’t come in and say, you know, black is white, and white is black, right? Because people will say we can clearly see that, you know, white is white, and black is black, right? That’s just a really simple example. And so that is a huge piece that I see as well is this idea of deconstructing the culture so that you can reprogram it the way that you want. And I won’t go down the rabbit hole of the agendas behind that and what they want to program and why because that’s not really relevant to the discussion today. But I think it is relevant to at least understand what some of the pressure from society is, that’s what’s causing this. Now, the second point that you made that I really wanted to touch on, too, was that a lot of people have fallen for this, right? And so they’re, they’re going down this road, they don’t realize that they’ve fallen for it. And then they do exactly what you said, which is they go, something’s not working. I just don’t understand why. And then they end up coming to somebody like me or you and saying help me fix this? Right? Because they are not understanding what’s going wrong?

Claudia Phillips 11:36
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And people think that they can just do whatever they want in a relationship. And that may work for a while. But ultimately, like, I believe that our roles and again, I’m not like super like hardcore, rigid gender roles, like you have to be like women have to be subservient to men or anything like that. But there are like, there are actual real things and real roles and real, like, there’s a there’s an actual experience of what it’s like to embody the feminine in the relationship, and then to embody the masculine. And when we’re not doing that things to get tend to get really chaotic. Like one of my teachers says, it’s like a hot mess, when you don’t have people in their respective roles. And so you know, and although we have all of this ideology that sort of programmed within us to be like, Oh, I can’t do this, this is oppressive, or me being a what I made a post about this earlier today is like, what comes up for you around being a wife? If it’s like, Oh, it feels like oppression? Or if it feels like, somehow I’m being stuffed into some role or some box like, I don’t think that’s actually true. I think that’s, that’s programming. That’s people’s ideology. Or maybe they’ve had a bad experience with it. So I’ll give them that. But like, maybe they weren’t doing it, right? But when people try and kind of leave go really, really far, when we stray really, really far from our respective roles. We get relational chaos. And then we get societal chaos as well. And that’s what we’re seeing, like across the world right now, especially the Western world.

Kevin Anthony 13:19
Yes. And well, just to get back to the geopolitical part of it is part of deconstructing the family unit is to create societal chaos because they also want to reset society. So you got to tear down the old side in order to build a new society. So that’s part of the agenda. But I don’t want to go any further than that. But I do want to talk about, yes, the gender roles themselves, because, you know, this is a subject and I really wish Celine, my late wife were here because this is a subject that was near and dear to her heart as well. And we would have discussions about this all the time about our roles, her and I in our relationship. And we have what would appear from the outside to be very traditional gender roles. But the discussion we would have all the time is, that’s the way we liked it because that’s what brought us alive.

So like just super simple examples. Like, you know, I took care of everything on the outside of the house, whether it was the yard, the cars, the maintenance of this, that the trash, all that kind of stuff. And, you know, I didn’t necessarily always enjoy taking care of the stinky trash or the dead animal in the backyard or whatever it is. But I actually enjoyed that more than say, during the house cleaning, like I just despise doing the house cleaning, but I’ll go out there and scoop up the remnants of the rabbit that the hawk just ripped to shreds in my backyard, you know, not fun, but whatever, you know, and for her, it was the other way around. She was like, you know, making the home clean, made her feel alive inside. Cooking a good meal made her happy that she was providing and so we chose those roles, not because I said well on the Man, I’m supposed to do that. I chose that role. Yes. I’m like, if I have a choice, that’s what I’d rather be doing. And the same for her. She knew that she could do all those things, too, because she lived by herself.

She could go scoop up the dead animals and bury them in the backyard. She’s done it, but she doesn’t like to do it, she would rather have me do it, right? Yes, there’s actual science behind this too, that shows that when we do things as men, it stimulates certain hormones in our body, that make us feel, you know, this is like, the whole classic thing with men and women were like, you know, women want to talk about it, you know, and then the women are trying to get their men to talk about it, not realizing that talking is not what stimulates the feel-good hormones for us. For us, it’s like, let’s go out and do something physical, right? You know, let’s go hit some golf balls, let’s go hit the punching bag. Right, let’s get on our mountain bikes, right, that’s what stimulates us, biochemically. And for women, it’s so true theory. It’s talking with girlfriends, it’s sharing the feelings that will stimulate that biochemical experience, right? So there’s real science, behind the gender roles.

Claudia Phillips 16:06
There really is there’s like an innate, you could call it divine or biological intelligence. And I just wanted to say like, what you were saying, all of those things of like going out. I mean, my husband is totally this way, too. It’s like, if I’m like, There’s a spider in the house, and like, Oh, my God, like, you know, but it, it makes him more attractive to me that he’s willing to kill the spider. It makes him more attracted to me more or appealing as a husband when he’s willing to go out and deal with the car that’s not running. You know, like, when men can go out there and solve problems in the world and kind of come back to us. It’s like, you guys like to win, right? And it’s like we want the thing is women don’t realize this, we, biologically, hormonally, energetically, whatever you wanna think about that. We actually want men to win for us. And yet, we’ve been conditioned to believe to do the opposite to actually, emasculate men to cut them off from winning in their lives. And that’s, that’s where this thing gets really weird and funky and wonky. And where things start to fall apart. I would say that, like the thing that I just mentioned, like when we say, we stopped letting men win for us, that’s when everything goes south.

Kevin Anthony 17:21
That is a big part of it. And you know, a lot of women don’t realize that as men, and this is the term that Céline used to use all the time, is, as men, we want to be the hero, we want to shoot for you as the hero. But if you’re not allowing us to do it, you don’t get the benefit of that. And we don’t get the benefit of that.

Claudia Phillips 17:47
Exactly, yeah. And everybody loses.

Kevin Anthony 17:50
Yep. So that’s, that’s really bringing me to the very next question. So that’s a great segue, thank you. Which is, you know, one of the ways you talk about healing the current state is by women inspiring their men to rise. And this is actually a term that Céline used to use a lot to this idea of inspiring the man to rise. And so I’m wondering if you could talk a little bit about what that really means and how we might go about doing that, why a woman would want to do it, and also why a man would want his woman to do I know, I just gave you like, really six sub-questions, but really, just let’s think a little bit about what that means.

Claudia Phillips 18:32
Yeah, so I love this topic. And this is like the core of so much of the work I do with women is like, how to inspire him to rise, how to inspire him to step up how to really elevate him into his highest self into that hero into that protector into that, you know, you could talk about it, like in terms of a king archetype or whatever. Like, we all want that, like I believe all women really want that. And yet, we’re creating the opposite impact on the men in our lives without even realizing it. And this is the part again, where things get really self, things start to get really funny and funky really fast is because we don’t, we’re not even aware of where it is that we may be clipping or castrating or, you know, unintentionally, putting sticks in the wheels of him fully stepping into the version of himself that we really wanted him to be and probably wants that too. So I think the first step is to become aware of where and this is so hard. I say like every woman I work with in this area, it’s like, there’s almost like a reckoning.

There’s a moment of reckoning of like, whoa, I’ve been doing all of these things that have been causing the opposite effect of what it is that I truly want. I have been condemning him. I’ve been criticizing him. I’ve been mothering him. I’ve been controlling him. I’ve been nagging him. So it’s like there’s this long laundry list of things that we do as women and that it’s like he’s this think about him like, he’s like a plant growing up out of the ground, and we’re just coming in, we’re like clipping that plant from growing. And so I think the first thing we have to do is, is realize where we’re doing that where we’re unconsciously clipping him from rising up, which is, can be a brutal and very humbling experience for women, because it’s like, wow, this is me, this isn’t even his fault. And of course, everybody’s responsible for themselves. So I’m not saying that, like, we’re responsible for how men show up. But there is an interdependency. And there is a very real impact that we have on men because we’re so inextricably linked as men and women like we do this dance of life together. And so we have to come to terms with the fact that it’s like, it’s like getting sober. It’s exactly like that. It’s like, wow, I have to look in the mirror. And I have to be like, Wow, where have I actually been unconsciously emasculating him, and keeping him from rising up in a way that I want?

Kevin Anthony 21:05
Yeah, and this is a very hard thing for a lot of women to do. So, again, I’m going to be speaking a bit more in this episode about, you know, Céline, my wife, but you know, she used to teach a program that she called the irresistible woman. And one of the things that she taught in there was the four C’s, the four C’s that women should never do, which is exactly what you just said, right? It’s the complaining, the criticizing that comparing the competing, right? Like, all that kind of stuff. And you know, just having watched her work with a number of women over the years, I can see the resistance that these women would have when they show up. They’re like, she’s getting in their face and saying, look, here’s what and she would use the exact same word that you just said, which is your emasculating him, you’re literally cutting his balls off. And then you’re wondering, wondering why you’re not having a real man in your relationship, right? And they just, it would be so hard, sometimes not all of them, some of them would have a major light bulb go off and go, Oh, my God, I didn’t even know I was doing that. Right. But some of them there would be so much resistance, like no, no, that can’t be that’s not going on. But when they would finally get it, and they would finally let go, they would see their relationships transform.

Claudia Phillips 22:21
It’s, it’s so hard. Like, it’s so hard for us as women. So to be able to, and I for anyone who goes on this journey or anyone who’s listening to this. If you’re having that moment now or that awakening of like, wow, yeah, maybe I have been criticizing him. Yeah, maybe I have been nagging him. Yeah, maybe I had been mothering him. It’s not about beating up on yourself, or, you know, going into like a guilt trip or anything with yourself or anything like that. It’s more just about creating that awareness. And that clarity around the impact that you have as a woman, because we as women, we have a tremendous impact on men. Whether we like it or not, it’s just, I don’t know, for some reason this is this seems to be how the fabric of the universe is woven. It’s like we I love it. We as women have that. Yeah. And it’s beautiful, right? Because it’s like, we can use that power for good. Or we can unconsciously not use that power in a way that creates the opposite effect of what we want.

Kevin Anthony 23:20
Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, there’s, there’s often this idea that being too feminine, being really like in that feminine place is somehow weak, right, that femininity equals weakness. And it blows my mind when I hear that because I think, wow, have you really missed it? How have you missed it? The feminine is so unbelievably powerful. She just does it in a different way. And this is a conversation that I have a lot of times like, alright, so I have a long past with martial arts, various forms of martial arts. And so I sometimes will use martial arts as analogies to talk about this. So the analogy that I use a lot of times is the feminine is kind of more like Aikido, and if you know anything about Aikido, Aikido is not about brute force or strength. Akito takes the other person’s energy and just subtly redirects it. So that’s when the punch comes in. And you just redirect it over here, it almost looks like you’re doing nothing, but all the energies somewhere else, right?

That’s key. Whereas something like Muay Thai, which is an art that I studied for many years, is just it’s as masculine as it gets. It is bone on bone, punch and kick as hard as you can use your elbows, use your knees, it is brute force. There’s nothing subtle about it. There’s nothing feminine about it’s just brute force. And that’s a great representation of having sort of more of the masculine idea, right? And so, yes, but the idea is they’re both incredibly powerful. They’re just powerful in different ways. And that’s why I like to use that as an example, that being in your feminine is by no means weak. I mean, where does the expression behind every great man, there’s a great woman? What are they trying to say? They’re trying to say that he’s not doing it by himself, that there’s somebody there, even if she’s behind the scenes, empowering him to be that man that you see up there.

Claudia Phillips 25:25
There’s so much I want to say, on the heels of everything that you just said, let’s see if we’re where we can go with that. Oh, my goodness. So what you said around feminine power, I feel like there is a truth that that’s so deep. That is feminine power is like soft power. It’s not force. It’s more flow, it’s, it’s more of a soft power that like, organically naturally moves things without having to get in there. And like, take your hands and like move the Fae. And I think the martial arts example is so so it’s, it’s perfect for this because it really is, I mean, women we can literally just sit there. And things happen around us, we can just like sit we can just be in our essence. And like things happen. It’s just the way it is. But I think we’ve been conditioned by the world and society to believe that power looks a certain way.

Power is what is obvious. Power is what you do. Power is not what you be, it’s what you do. It’s about going out there and being powerful. It’s going out there and being a CEO, it’s going out there, sort of that penetrating out into the world, that hero’s journey, I’m going to go out into the world, I’m going to win, I’m going to fight the dragon, I’m going to slay the beast. That’s power. Right. And so I think because we’ve all been conditioned to believe and we all want power you know, it’s like something that we want to be able to be powerful in our lives so we can create what it is that we desire, I believe. And that’s not a bad thing. But because we’ve been taught that this sort of masculine model of power is the only model of power. We have a whole generation of women going out and trying to be heroes trying to take the hero’s journey, the masculine hero’s journey, which is very different from the feminine heroines’ journey, which we can talk about if you want.

But it’s it’s this going out, it’s this proving myself, it’s this fighting you know, fighting the dragon or whatever and making something of myself. We as women, don’t operate this way. It doesn’t, it’s literally incoherent to our systems. It’s it’s biologically hormonally energetically off, in every single way. And when we do that, we get exhausted, we get burned out, we get resentful towards men because we find ourselves all alone in this, you know, alpha female, trying to do everything by herself and proving herself and she’s just as good as a man. And it doesn’t work. And I think a lot of women, at least a lot of women in my world, maybe this hasn’t happened at the collective at large yet. But hopefully, it will eventually kind of hit that breaking point where like, I don’t like being in this masculine energy, it doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel right. I’m hitting a wall, I may be able to get acquire things and get a bunch of money or whatever. But like there’s something deep that’s missing within my soul. And I think a lot of people are hitting that kind of breaking point. Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 28:57
I do agree with you on that. And I want to maybe make a point. And this kind of goes back to the earlier analogy that I use with the housework with Céline and I which is that women are capable of doing that masculine hero’s journey of being the CEO of doing those things. It’s not that they’re not capable of doing it. But it’s what you hear is, is it makes them tired, exhausted, burnt out, and it doesn’t fulfill them and they sit there with this feeling of something is missing. Something is wrong, something is not there. And unfortunately, a lot of times what that does is caused them to try harder on the masculine path, right to try to fill in that void that they feel because they don’t understand what is actually missing. Right. And then they just basically dig that void even deeper than before.

Claudia Phillips 29:47
I think there’s also something that happens when women do that when we get very in that like that penetrative. Grooming myself out there in the world mode is that we isolate ourselves Um, the masculine we isolate ourselves, we alienate ourselves from what it is that we desire, which is ultimately having a compliment. Because we’re awkward, we’re like, we’re occupying his space. We’re occupying his position. And so we’re unconsciously like kicking him out of his where it is that the place that he inhabits because we’re trying to be at ourselves. And then it’s like, why why are there no good men? Why is it only beta men that I’m meeting? Why is it only, you know, men who are weak or like men who, you know, all the Alpha men want to take the, you know, get like a 25-year-old? Well, I’m like, Yeah, because you’re like pushing, pushing those guys away. And you don’t, you know, and I get it, it’s like, sometimes we believe we have to be in that space to survive, especially single mothers, it’s like we, you know, they have to kind of buck up and do the thing and show up and just to survive, but it is, it creates a lot of issues it does.

Kevin Anthony 31:01
But the master skill for women and this is something that I don’t see that many women really mastering, which is like, okay, let’s say you are the CEO, let’s say you are the single mom, yes, I dated a single mom for a number of years, and I experienced this. And it was really challenging. But okay, when you’re in single mom mode or CEO mode, you got to be in that mode. But the master skill for women is, is when you come home, and now you’re with your man, you got to let go of that. And you got to switch modes, and you got to get into your feminine mode. And that is and that is a skill that few women can master the ability to switch on and off when they need to I have not seen very many women.

And one more point Yeah, to what you said, which is, you know, I have a very good friend, she’s a very powerful businesswoman. I think she told me the other day, our business grossed a million dollars last year, you know, and it’s a very tightly small, it’s like, not like a huge business. So that’s a lot of income for small business being led and mostly run by her. But she has that same complaint all the time. Why am I always meeting men who can’t step it up? Why do they never make enough money? Why are they never this? Why are they never that right? And she’s never satisfied with any of the men she meets? Wow, that’s right. We can see why.

Claudia Phillips 32:19
Yeah, I mean, that is the master scale, it really is because you know, we are multi-dimensional people and humans, and I don’t think I ever want it to be like, a thing where like, I’m forced, I never want to be the person who’s trying to force women into being feminine all the time, or like, they have to do it in order to attract a good man, it gets to be a choice, of course, you know, we get to choose this because it feels good to us. But at the same time, you know, it’s okay to go into that CEO role, it’s okay to be in the single mom role, but you have to be able to unwind it, and you have to be able to like, switch out of that mode. And it can be difficult because it’s kind of, it’s almost like I made this analogy the other day, it’s like a train is going in one direction, super fast, like 100 miles in this direction, 100 miles per hour, and then it tries to switch, turn the train around and go in this other direction, and it can cause this sort of schizophrenia.

Kevin Anthony 33:26
It derails.

Claudia Phillips 33:31
Yes, yes. Um, it’s, I think it’s possible. As for me, I would say I go into that mode about 20% of the time. But it’s definitely not the place I like to inhabit most. It’s the place that I can kind of go into and get out of, but I don’t want to be in there all the time. Yeah, yeah. And if I found that I can operate from my family and my business, too. It’s not like I have to leave that part of myself behind.

Kevin Anthony 33:57
That’s really interesting. Remind me if we end this show and we don’t come back to that, please try to remind me because I would like to have a discussion about that, too. Because so far, we’ve really talked about like, you can either be in masculine and do masculine business stuff, or you can be in feminine and do feminine, you know, stuff. But that’s not necessarily true. Because yes, you can run your business. Yes. And be a leader from the feminine position too. But I don’t want to get to it.

Claudia Phillips 34:23
I know we’re going in some other direction now.

Kevin Anthony 34:27
Yeah, but it’s a fascinating direction. It’s one I want to go to, but I’ve asked you two questions out of 10. So I want to get into a few of those other questions first, and hopefully, we’ll have time to circle back around to that. Okay. Yeah. So a couple of things that I wanted to talk about. So we were talking about how women can inspire their men to rise. Yeah, a question I have because I’m not sure if men or even women listening, know what they’re necessarily trying to inspire them to be. So the question is, is like What is it that women really want a man to be? What is she trying to inspire him to be? What does she want her man to be? How does she want him to show up in a relationship? Like as a woman? That’s why I have to ask you that question like, as a woman, what are you looking for? What do you want a man to be? So men, if you’re listening to this, pay attention to what she says.

Claudia Phillips 35:17
Yeah, I mean, a lot of women will tell you one thing, but actually, we feel some a totally different way. So I’ll tell you how most women actually feel versus what they might tell you. Perfect, they want. They want a man who is a protector who has got their back who’s going to kill the spider, who’s gonna go off and fight the, you know, like, be like, go to bat for them. They want that because it helps us feel safe. Right. So one of the main prerogatives of the feminine, one of the main needs of the feminine is to feel safe. And so if we feel protected, it’s like, we can relax. And then it’s like this exhale, like, Oh, I feel safe. my nervous system is calm, I can trust I can surrender.

So that’s the first thing. We desire the provider like, so having a man who is willing to provide and it doesn’t even just mean financially, that can definitely be a piece of it. But it doesn’t have to be the only way in which met a man provides, there are so many different ways that men can provide. But also wouldn’t just discount the oh, I don’t need a financial provider, because I’ve got my own money and I can take care of myself, there is something really delicious about allowing that provision that financial provisions from a man that can actually contribute to that deeper feeling of rest and safety and like, he’s got me and I can just kind of sink into this. And I can enter fully into intimacy and union and marriage and devotion. It’s like he, I know that if something goes, something happens, like he’s got me like, that’s what women want to feel like they want to feel like he’s got me.

Kevin Anthony 37:09
Yeah, absolutely. So I did a show not too long ago. And I forget what I titled it something like this is, this is what a woman really wants in a man or something like that. And it’s absolutely what you just said, but, but what I love about it is, if I do a show as a guy, and I tell you, this is what a woman really wants in a man. Yeah, doesn’t mean it’s not valid, because I’ve come to those conclusions from women from the women I’ve been with who’ve told me what they want, and from women I’ve worked with, right and from friends I’ve talked with and just that, but to hear it come straight from an actual woman, I think is a little bit more powerful, honestly.

Claudia Phillips 37:50
Yes. Right. Because it’s, you’re not just saying that because you Yeah, cuz you think it’s what you know, people want to hear, but it’s true. Yeah. And I think a lot of women will tell you, Oh, I want a man to be present. I want a man to be emotionally available. These things are important. But really, it is that like biological, physiological, like safety that is so important for women, to just feel like, I can just rest here, I don’t have to, like worry about whether, you know, if there’s gonna be food on the table next month, you know, it’s just like, that’s taken care of. And there’s something so restful about that, that we can just like sink into, and it makes us trust, it makes us feel like, Oh, he’s got me I can trust. And I think a lot of women have an issue with this too, because it’s like, oh, no, I don’t need that.

But uh, but we actually kind of do, especially to be able to procreate with a man. And this is a big thing. Because if we’re going to have babies, if we’re going to have family, we need to know that like, we’re safe to like, take care of the young, while the man goes out to the hunt, and does the thing externally in the world. So we can, like, do our thing of tending the hearth and tending the children. So this is a very primitive program that you know, many of us may want to ascend out of her. I’m super conscious. Like, this doesn’t apply to me, right? But like, for humans, we’re like animals we are. We’re wired this way. We’re wired for safety, like, especially women, we need this. And if you don’t feel like a man is gonna keep you safe, you’re not gonna be attracted to him. Just true.

Kevin Anthony 39:32
I always laugh, you know, I try to sometimes draw a diagram to make people understand this. But, if you’re watching the video on YouTube, I’m holding my hands up, right, and I’ve gotten pretty far apart. And if this is the entirety of humans’ existence, right, the part that is our modern society where we’ve decided all these things don’t matter anymore. It’s this tiny little piece that I’m making with my two little fingers over here, which means we’re trying to override I had a ridiculously long time of programming and biology that says, These are the things that we need. These are the things that we want. We can’t do that simply by saying, Well, that just doesn’t work anymore. Because it’s still our programming, it’s coded, it’s literally coded in our DNA.

Claudia Phillips 40:20
Literally, yeah, it truly, truly is. And so, I think women need that physiological safety. So you know, we can feel protected and provided for and I think also women want to feel like a man’s a strong lead. And again, that can be challenging for women who are and I know, I put myself in this category for many, many years. It’s like, I submit to a man, are you crazy, I’m not going to, like, let Him lead and like follow his leader. That’s got that’s ridiculous, right? Because I was candid, I was raised by a very woman who was a very strong, independent feminist. And so I took on a lot of that programming. But we need that because it’s like, again, if you’re out there in the jungle, let’s say, and there’s a wild animal, you need somebody who’s going to step up, you need somebody who’s going to lead the pack, you need somebody who’s going to be like, Okay, we are not going to, we’re not going to go this way, we’re gonna go this way. Or, you know, and it is, again, it’s an instinctual wiring, it’s like, if a man can lead if he’s a strong leader, if he knows where he’s going if he has a sense of direction, that’s what we need to be able to trust in that and fall into that.

Kevin Anthony 41:35
Yeah, you know, I have another fun little story. So when my wife and I first met in the circles that we traveled in well, not that we always traveled in, but the circles that we met, which was just one of many circles, that we traveled in, you know, things that would be considered more, I don’t know, masculine or the, you know, for instance, say firearms, just to throw one thing out there. Right. So yeah, you know, I’ve spent a lot of years training and firearms, I’m pretty highly trained in firearms use. And when I met her, given the context in which we met, I was like, Oh, God, I don’t want to tell her that. Right. This is, and this is, you know, this goes quite a few years back nowadays, it’s like, if I meet somebody, like, here’s the deal, right? Now, you need to know this, because if it’s a problem for you, you’re out of here, right? But, at that time, I was like, Man, I don’t want to really want to share that with them. Because it around the circles, like, that’s not necessarily appreciated, you know. And so I held it back for a little while. And then, you know, at some point, you know, as you’re getting to know each other, you just you these things come out, and I was pleasantly surprised and amazed. And it was one of the moments when I knew that she was the one when she thought it was awesome. And was like, yeah, she’s like, yes, I want my man to know how to do that. Right?

Claudia Phillips 42:49
Yes, exactly. We, and again, it’s when we’re so conditioned out of our animal bodies. And that’s why embodiment is so important because it’s like, it brings us back into who we are instinctually that may not seem like an important thing, especially if we’re living in a society that seems relatively safe. And everything’s, you know, we lose a little bit of that gender polarity but it’s still there. It’s it’s we can’t override those programs and nor would we want to, because you never know when an intruder might come in, and you need your man to protect you or what like, you never know.

Kevin Anthony 43:29
Absolutely, for sure. I mean, there have I’ve never actually, fortunately, had an intruder in the house. But there have been times when something loud crashed in the house in the middle of the night, like two o’clock in the morning, right? So it just bam, wakes you both up. And your eyes are wide open, you know? Who she looking at to go look and see what the fuck was going on. So she’s looking at me, right? That is my job my role, but you know what? I actually enjoy that. I have, yes, I literally have my war belt next to the bed. I can have that thing on in three seconds. I am fully prepared to take on any threat that happens because that’s my role. But I also enjoy that role. And she’s like, Good, I’m glad that you go and check that out.

Claudia Phillips 44:16
Exactly. And this is again, this is why we don’t want to castrate men. Why we don’t want to emasculate them because that instinct is intact, within healthy masculine men, but then we can as women, we can condition it out of them. Because we think that that’s somehow the fact that you shoot guns or the fact that you have your war belt. Oh, that’s toxic masculinity. That’s violent. Oh, that’s a red flag because of what you know, but that’s all bullshit. Like no, like, that’s just your conditioning speaking.

Kevin Anthony 44:53
Let me give you some applause for that.

Claudia Phillips 44:57
Yeah, it’s just it’s so it’s a fool’s errand to do what we do with men to try and make them nice or safer or even more conscious or spiritual. Of course, you don’t want a man who’s like totally unconscious, kind of like a. I don’t know if you’ve seen the Twin Peaks TV series, the David Lynch. Oh, you haven’t. Okay. Anyway, there’s this, there’s this character in it. His name is Leo Johnson. He’s just almost like the quintessentially toxic masculine guy who’s just like, he’s, he’s got the gun. And he’s always like, Shelley, like, sit down shut, you know, it’s, we don’t want that. But we also don’t want a man who’s a total wimp. Like, we don’t want that. And yet women by and large, or this society that is becoming more and more and more feminized. It’s bringing that out, it’s bringing out those qualities, it’s, it’s taking men out of there. It’s saying, oh, that’s not that’s, that’s toxic, right? Those qualities that you have innately as a man, that instinct that you have to protect and provide and lead It’s like no, that we just gonna get rid of that.

Kevin Anthony 46:17
Yeah, my wife and I, we always made a big distinction between you know, what we call the macho asshole masculine, which is the old school but you know, it’s actual toxic masculinity. I don’t like to use the term toxic masculinity because it’s, I don’t either, Miss misconstrued but so you know, we would say you’ve got the macho asshole guy, then you’ve got the softy spiritual guy. And what you’re really looking for is the guy that can embody the best traits of both, which you can use whatever term you want for enlightened masculine, you fall in magic and whatever term you want to use for it, but a guy who can be thoughtful and present and caring and loving, and all of that stuff, and also be a protector. And be you know, like, like Jordan, Jordan Peterson says, I don’t know if I’ll get the quote. Exactly. Right. But he says something like, something along the lines of, you know, a man should be dangerous, but under voluntary control, right?

Claudia Phillips 47:13
Yes. Yeah, I think it what is it? He says, like, I don’t remember, but I love that quote, and it always, like, stuck out to me so much. It’s like, yes, but it’s so true.

Kevin Anthony 47:25
Okay, so we are really running out of time. I’ve been so into the conversation. I didn’t even read the second ad. Let me read the second ad real quick. Then I want to jump into one more question that’ll be four out of 10. Rarely, but it’s an important one that I want to make sure that we cover and then we’ll kind of wrap up. I’ll do this as quickly as it can. Hey, guys, you know what makes a man great, you know, the kind of masculine man that women are irresistibly attracted to and want isn’t money job title, his physical body being great in bed, a big penis, great pickup lines, what if you don’t have those or only some of them? What if you’ve had a string of failed relationships are embarrassed by your bedroom skills, doubt whether you can rise to the occasion, worry about lasting long enough or are always stuck in the friend zone, I can help you if you are ready to make big changes and finally become the man you have always wanted to be.

Then this is the program for you. Go to Kevin and Céline dot com forward slash go forward slash warrior. That is my Men’s coaching program. That’s where I’m going to help you with a lot of the stuff that we’re talking about in this very episode. You’re over there, you’re going to help the women out. I’m helping the men out over here. That’s Kevin and Céline dot com forward slash go forward slash warrior link is in the description. Okay, so there are so many more questions I want to ask you. But I want to get into this one because I love to leave people with solutions as much as I can. So yes, we were just talking about what it means to inspire him. And I’m wondering if you could share some examples, some ways in which women can inspire their men so men, you’ll know what to look for. And women, you’ll know what to do just a couple of examples of ways that women can inspire their men.

Claudia Phillips 49:08
Yeah, I mean, it’s so simple. It’s, it’s really not that complicated. Once you when you to kind of figure out all the things not to do, then you can do, you can do what did it you know, really step into what you can do, and it’s really not that hard. What you want to do is first and foremost, and I think this is so important for women is and it’s so important for men to know that you feel this way about them. It’s just accepting them. Accept them for where they’re at, accept them, wherever they’re at in their lives, if they’re, you know, if they are top CEO of a company accept them there or if they are working their way up, accept them there or if they’re not quite there yet, but they’re moving in the right direction except them where they’re at.

Because it’s like it creates a safety It creates a place where men actually have room to rise. But what we usually do is we’re like, oh, he’s not enough, he’s not doing enough. He’s not there yet. And so we’ll start mothering will start controlling. And we won’t actually let him do that. So just having that baseline of acceptance and respect, it’s like, I, I just respect you, because you’re worthy of my respect. It’s not because you do all these things for me, yes, of course, they’re gonna He’s gonna do a lot of things for you. But I respect you, as a human. I respect you as a man, I respect you as my beloved, I respect you as my counterpoints and that’s, that’s it. I mean, that’s not it. But like, that’s, it’s, it’s the base, it’s the foundation. And then from there, it’s like, we can really move into more advanced stuff. But if you don’t have that in place, then there’s nothing, no tips or tricks or hacks or whatever communication techniques are going to work if you don’t accept a Murray’s.

Kevin Anthony 50:57
Yeah, that is fantastic. And, you know, if we, we had more time, one of the questions I had, and we won’t have time to go into it now, but it was about, you know, like the blind spots women have, which is a lot of going into, like the things that they shouldn’t be doing. And we kind of touched on them a little bit. But yeah, just when we’re talking about how can women inspire, lay the foundation, stop doing those negative things that you mentioned earlier, you know, the criticizing and the mothering. And like, all that kind of stuff, right? And if you could just do those two things alone, lay that foundation you just talked about, about accepting him where he’s at, and stop doing those negative things, you will already see a dramatic transformation in your relationship. Without even all the additional things that I know that you can you can teach women as well.

Claudia Phillips 51:45
Yeah, it’s true. I mean, it’s everything. I mean, there are other things like vulnerability and sharing your desires and your needs. But again, that’s later, like this, this is the foundational piece that most women need to get to.

Kevin Anthony 51:59
Yeah. So since we got a couple more minutes, I do, I’m going to ask you one more of the questions that were on the list. And the reason I want to ask is that you mentioned earlier that you were raised by a woman who was very much a feminist and that you held a lot of those feminist ideas, obviously. Now, a lot of the things that you’re saying on this show, are making feminists go berserk right now if they’re listening to this, right?

Claudia Phillips 52:30
Feminists I’m sorry.

Kevin Anthony 52:33
So my question is, really and you’ve sort of talked about this already, but it’s what has your personal experience been? Like this question is more relevant now that I know your background? So where you came from, where you are now what is your personal experience and having made this shift in this transition?

Claudia Phillips 52:50
So I think it really comes down to one thing it’s like I decided and I wish women could just hear this I decided I wanted to be happy more than I want it to be right. Truth bomb Yeah, it’s like there’s, you could say a laundry list of ways that men have oppressed women and what you know, the wage gap and all these that you could just go into that stuff, ad infinitum. But like, when you’re like, No, I don’t actually none of that matters to me, because that’s not going to give me happiness. What’s gonna give me happiness is being home with my beloved and being in a marriage. And, you know, whether that’s having a family or whatever it is, but like, this is, this is what makes me happy. This is what brings me happy joy. And I think that’s what would bring a lot of women happiness and joy. It’s just that we have to get over that need to be right about us being victims and having our whole lives tailored around the vindication of that injustice. And again, I’m very much not into social justice warrior culture for that specific reason.

Kevin Anthony 53:59
Would you say that you’re happier now? And you have better relationships now than you did before? Is that a fair assessment?

Claudia Phillips 54:05
Yeah. 100%, like a million percent? Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 54:09
I hope everybody heard that. All right. Well, I have so many more questions I want to ask you, but we are really out of time. So I want to give you an opportunity to tell the listeners if they’re resonating with your message. Where can they find out more about you and your work?

Claudia Phillips 54:27
Yeah, so I’m the website that my husband and I have. It’s ecstaticallyeverafter.com. So it’s like happily ever after, but it’s ecstatically ever after.com. And there you can find more information about our work and the different ways to work with us. I work with women in who are looking to find a partner looking to find a husband but also women who are wanting to embody more of their femininity in the relationship they already have and inspire their man to rise. So both of those are ways kind of different ways. at which you can work with me.

Kevin Anthony 55:01
Awesome. And the link will be in the description. So just look for it there. Okay, so I have one more question for you. And that is do you have a sister? No, I’m kidding because I know that you’re happily married. Yes. Now there is one last question that we ask all of the guests that are on the show. And so I’m going to ask it to you as well. And that is, what is your best sexual talent?

Claudia Phillips 55:38
Oh, my goodness, getting blushed. Um, yeah, I mean, I feel like since I am officially a Tantra, I did a Tantra certification a number of years ago, I think the multi-orgasmic quality is probably my greatest talent.

Kevin Anthony 56:05
That is a fantastic talent to have. Yes, as a certified tantric counselor myself and having been with multiple tantric women throughout my life, I can honestly say that is a fantastic talent to have. All right, well, maybe at some point, we’ll have to continue this conversation, because there’s a lot we didn’t get to that I would love to share. But I really appreciate everything that you have shared so far. And I really hope that people heard some of those messages. And I just want to thank you for coming on the show.

Claudia Phillips 56:42
Yeah, thank you so much, Kevin. This is really fun. And I know it’s like it’s a can of worms that you open up and it’s just like, there’s so much to unpack, but hopefully another time.

Kevin Anthony 56:53
Yeah, well, you know, if somebody really it really whet their appetite and they want to know more, they know who to look for to find more. So. That’s right. All right, everybody. That’s all the time I have for this episode. And I will see you next week.

We hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 57:21
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault. That’s kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 57:35
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 57:37
And remember, you’re amazing!