How Women Can Learn To Switch Between Their Feminine And Masculine Energies

Kevin Anthony 0:05
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, a safe and fun place to get real and learn about sex, whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and your relationships.

Alright, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 327 and it is titled how women can learn to switch between their feminine and masculine energies. This is a huge topic I have watched women struggle with this for years, and these days, I am coaching, actually, a lot of women. And it is a question that comes up over and over and over again, and it’s often so years ago, it used to be the sort of thing where a woman would come to me and they say, you know, here’s what’s going on. And I’d go, oh, okay, all right, I get it. I see what’s happening here. I see that she’s operating in her masculine so how can we find a way to gently let her know that this is what’s what she’s doing, and here’s what she needs to fix it? But I think there’s a lot more awareness around this now because now a lot of the women that I work with are coming to me telling me I’m operating in my masculine and I know it, and I know it’s wrecking my relationship, but I can’t figure out how to change it, right? So I think that’s amazing, the fact that more women are realizing that that’s what’s happening in their relationships. However, the struggle today really is, then, what do you do about it?

So I have a guest on the show today who I will introduce in a moment, and she’s going to talk about her experience with this very issue. She’s a business owner, and she has definitely, by her own admission, operated from her masculine so we’re going to dive in, and we’re going to really hear her first-hand experience. That’s what I really want to get out of this show today. You know, a first-hand experience from somebody who’s dealt with this and what she has done to be able to, you know, still be a strong, you know, business owner in her masculine when she needs to be, but also be in her feminine when she needs to be. So I think it’s going to going to be a really fun and interesting conversation.

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Okay. My guest today is Amira Nystrom, and she is the owner of epic Maui hikes and epic events, as well as the host of warrior retreats and manifestation coaching. So welcome to the show, Amira,

Amira Nystrom 3:58
Thank you.

Kevin Anthony 4:00
Okay, so when we talked in the pre-interview, we talked about you being a business owner and sort of operating from your masculine and I think that’s a good place to start. So I wonder if you could tell people a little bit about sort of who you are, what you do, as far as being a business owner. And then you know you had mentioned in that pre-interview that you were definitely operating from your masculine. So what I want you to start with is to tell people a little bit about how you were and are a businesswoman, and how you were operating and potentially still do at times in your masculine as a result of that, just so we can lay some foundation.

Amira Nystrom 4:43
Yeah. So for me, this whole feminine, masculine energy thing just came into my awareness, honestly, a few years ago, and more and more now, before. Before that, I kind of saw the world as something that we needed to achieve something in or we needed to have strong goals for ourselves. And all of that for me, has felt very masculine, to to build a business and to work and to hustle and to just keep that busy energy has felt like very different than what’s natural. So for me, yeah, I own epic Maui hikes. It’s an adventure company in Maui, and I built it with my best friend, I just decided to create and create this portal that’s just running on its own, mostly at this point. And I have, well, I have a male business partner, so with that, it’s kind of we have a nice dynamic with that, anyways, but I guess the struggle that I ran into is just in running anything, in running a business, it feels like the world needs masculine energy out of us to just push our message through or to push forward and create anything.

And then what I’ve struggled with, and why this episode really resonates for me, is then you find a relationship with a masculine man, and that energy just does not work. It’s like, just feels like a war zone to run a relationship from that masculine energy and to not have that polarity. So I guess for myself, I’ve gotten a lot like a lot a lot of magic out of learning how to switch on and off, because to just stay in my feminine energy, I wouldn’t be creating or ambitious in the same way. But to be just in my masculine energy, I wouldn’t feel open to love in the same way, and I wouldn’t be able to have the partnership that I do. If I Yeah, if I ran with masculine energy, there’s no way.

Kevin Anthony 7:31
Okay, so you shared quite a lot there. The first thing that you said that sort of struck me, that I wanted to come back to, was you were saying that something along the lines of, it kind of feels like, in this world, in order to, like, create and push, you know, to build something that you have to be in your masculine Is there anything, in particular, you can think of, like, maybe societal pressure, pressure from business partners, or anything like that that you could point to, maybe that, that is that makes you feel that way, like, What is it that makes you feel like that’s a need in order to build a business?

Amira Nystrom 8:07
I think for me, it starts with family pressure. I was raised in a Swedish family, so we’re not super emotional. And that is something that would push for self-protection and making sure that you’re taken care of because I think that that’s such an important thing that we want kids to go into the world and feel like they can take care of themselves, and then I think it’s easy to just go a little bit too far. And with business energy, like, to be honest, I don’t want to work. You know, it’s not that I sit down and I’m I see my man who is excited to get on his computer and crush the day and make stuff happen. And it just, I don’t have that, you know, I just, I get on the computer and I make myself do it, because who wants to learn marketing, you know, whatever, like, whatever it is we need to learn to make things happen. I just feel like, if I’m honest, it’s not naturally there. So it’s something that it’s not a pressure necessarily, from I think it exists in society because, for other reasons, but in business in particular, I think that it’s more, it’s just, there’s a lot to a business.

And I thought when I built my own business that it would be just fun. I created an adventure company. So I was like, this is just gonna be fun. This is my passion. We’re taking people cliff jumping off of waterfalls, no stress, no real hard work. And then I realized every job’s a job. And. And they’re, you know, invoicing and ads and meetings and things, and it’s all just the kind of work that isn’t so exciting. So at first, I resisted it, and I just avoided doing it, and then my business wasn’t really growing. And yeah, so now I’m learning more and more all the time, but just in the last few years, how to just turn it on and off. So I’ll sit down in front of my computer and be like, All right, we’re turning it on masculine energy, we’re researching, we’re learning, we’re doing ads, we’re doing whatever I’m supposed to be doing to make my business grow, because I’m in love with the dream of where I’m heading and but yeah, so that’s on the business pressure. I think with society, it’s just kind of complicated in dating, because a lot of people glamorize this independent woman thing, like they see all over Instagram. That’s just it’s so cool to be so independent. And then men get into relationships with that, and they’re like, What do I do with if there’s no role to fill in, or if there’s nothing to if you don’t need anything, then you know, what am I supposed to do with this?

Kevin Anthony 11:17
Yeah, so again, I love that you’re sharing your personal experience with this. I was just curious to know if there was anything that you had pinpointed specifically that was that was putting pressure on you to do that. But the reality is this, is that when it comes to you know, you use the words at the very beginning, like pushing to make things happen. Like, that’s what it takes when you build a business. You’ve got to push all the time. You are competing with yourself. You are competing with other businesses in your area, right? You are competing for customers and clients. Like it is, you know, that sort of masculine competition. Let’s go head-to-head. Let’s push energy, right? So there’s no doubt that is absolutely a masculine energy.

The thing that I think is really wonderful is that you were able to realize that not only was that masculine energy, but that wasn’t something that you actually really wanted to do all the time or be in and I think one of the biggest problems that a lot of women have today is they have grown up their entire lives knowing nothing other than this is what you need to do as a woman. You need to be a strong, independent woman. You need to be the business owner. You need to push all of the societal signs and pressures that are telling women that’s what they need to do. In fact, they’ve specifically been telling women that if their dream is to be a wife or to be a mother, right, or take care of a whole That’s horrible. You should never want to do that. Oh, my God, you are so oppressed, if that’s what you want, right?

Amira Nystrom 12:53
So they’re so sad and weak, it’s wild, right?

Kevin Anthony 12:57
So there has been a lot of pressure on women to get into the ring and compete. And for some women, I mean, if that’s what they want to do, great. You know, the positive side to this is that women now have the choice, and that’s the important part, is that now women have the truth. They can say, I want to be a business person. I want to be in my masculine energy and push right. And if that’s what they want to do, great. But I think we’ve lost a little bit of the other choice, which is like, hey, maybe that’s not what works best for me. Maybe that’s not what I really want to do. And I think a lot of women are finally coming around to realize that that’s not their default nature and that if they actually get into alignment with their default nature, they suddenly feel a whole lot happier.

Amira Nystrom 13:45
Oh, my god, yeah.

Kevin Anthony 13:48
So, I think you know, having the choice is amazing. Having the ability to do both, if you can master both, is amazing. And being okay with Hey, maybe that’s just not really what lights me up. Maybe that’s not what really makes me happy. Maybe that’s not how I really want to go through life. I think that women should be able to have that revelation and go, You know what? I know society is telling me I need to push I know they’re telling me I should be the strong, independent woman, but is that what I really want? And I can tell you, the more women I work with, and I’ve been working with a lot of women, been doing a lot of group coaching with women lately too. So I’m talking with, you know, a dozen women at a time, and I’m really hearing this from a lot of women. They’re tired. They’re tired all the time. They love the fact that they can take care of themselves, and they make their own money, and yet they’re exhausted, right? And they don’t want to have to do all the marketing and all the other stuff, whereas, as you pointed out, right? Your business partner is like, I can’t wait to crush the day, right?

Amira Nystrom 14:50
Yeah, I just think there’s value too. The crazy thing is, I’ve gotten labeled naive, or you. Know people are scared just looking at the way I love wholeheartedly, but I think it’s actually so beautiful to be able to allow that feminine energy to come through and to be really honest with ourselves, because the dating world’s brutal, so people even will say that they don’t even want love. They’re taking a break. They’re, you know, they avoid it, or whatever. But I think it’s a part of that feminine nature to unlock open and yeah. And I guess for me, when I asked myself, What do I feel happy doing? Because I asked my partner, do you feel happy working so much? And he’s like, Yeah, I feel like I’m achieving big things, and I’m so excited about it, and so very interesting for me, because I thought, I don’t feel that.

You know, I feel Honestly, I feel happy baking cakes for my friends and for my partner and, you know, listening to their things that are going on emotionally and nurturing my environment, nurturing my community, Cooking, playing, planting like if I’m really, really honest about how I want to spend most of my time, it’s being in my feminine Yeah, and also the epic connection of when conflict masculine energy and masculine energy is like a nightmare. So it’s nice to be able to work on that skill of getting to the place in my feminine energy that I can just say I’m scared, instead of that masculine energy, which is, you know, you or someone did you know. So it’s interesting to switch into Yeah, just being more and more feminine. And I think it’s still a practice.

Kevin Anthony 17:06
Oh, it’s always a practice, for sure. I like, I like what you said, how you know you had to get really honest with yourself. And this is, this is something that I think all women should do. And I’m not telling women they shouldn’t be out there running businesses or working at all. I’m just suggesting that I think they would have a happier life if they got really honest, like you did, and figured out a way to balance it in a way that works for them. So for instance, when my wife was alive, we ran this business together. We did the show together. We did all the coaching together, and we coached on our own as well, but we did coaching together. We ran the show together. We did our YouTube channel together. We ran the all the behind the scenes business stuff that has to happen together also.

But what we did was we figured out which tasks each other liked doing more, right? And so, okay, what are you okay doing? You know what? What parts of the business light you up that you like to do right and then the same on the other side? And the reality is this hour-wise if you were to sit down and figure out, you know, who was working, how many hours in this business that we’re creating together, I probably doubled the hours that she worked. And that’s, I’m not that’s not a complaint, but that was because it for her like you said, you like to bake, you know, and cook and like, you know, that kind of she loved doing those things too. And she operated, even in the business world, so much more efficiently and happily when we gave her the space to be able to go and just do the meals. And I benefited from that too, because I’d be sitting in the office working my ass off, and then it would be like, lunch is ready. I’m like, Yay, lunch. I didn’t have to prepare it because I didn’t want to do it anyway, right?

So it’s that idea of finding ways to balance. So maybe she didn’t put as many hours in front of the computer doing business stuff as I did, but she found other ways that lit her up that supported the business working. So her doing those things to support me, so that I could stay and continue to work was just as important to the business functioning as her sitting down in front of the computer. And so I just think that that’s a really important part of it is like you’re running this with a male business partner. It’s like figuring out what’s the most efficient and effective use of your talents and your energies and going with that.

Amira Nystrom 19:33
I think that that is also when we started, ever since, from the beginning, when we started, we just did everything that we wanted to do. And then a few years into the business, we realized that there were a few things that neither one of us loved doing, and then we picked them up. But yeah, I love what you were sharing about how you and your wife did it, because it’s been just. Similarly, where we just fill it in whatever needs to happen. I think that score-keeping stuff from it just gets it. I love that you said that you just appreciated that in other ways, like the different ways that we give to something because I feel from with my business partner, sometimes I’m doing all of it, sometimes I’m doing none of it, sometimes I’m doing some of it, but we’ve both been coming from this super generous place with each other, that and just pick the parts that we want to do, and it’s, yeah, it’s really interesting to just allow it to kind of flow naturally and trust that everyone’s giving in the way that they want to. And really, if we’re coming from service anyways, the goal isn’t, how can it feel fair? For me, it’s like, how can I, if I’m gonna do a business with someone, I want to give to that person, and so how can I be in service of his life? How can I make sure that this business adds to his life? And that just feels so different.

Kevin Anthony 21:21
That’s very, very sort of typically feminine, right? The feminine wants to nurture. The feminine wants to give so that’s beautiful. Because when you bring in alignment your default way of being with how you say, run your business, you start to notice that everything starts to run more smoothly because you’re not swimming against the current, so to speak, right? You know, you’re starting to go with the flow of it, rather than against it. So that just makes life easier for everybody involved. I wanted to ask you, was there a particular point in time when you were operating from your masculine like, was there some event or a point in time or something that happened that made you go, I can’t do this anymore? I need to focus on being more in my feminine.

Amira Nystrom 22:25
I think it’s just it felt, yeah, when I was binging on work because I have both energies. I want to accomplish some things, and I love what I do for work. To some extent, I wouldn’t want to not have any work, but I like to have very little, like I work just a few hours a day, and I love that. But there was a time when I tried to binge and I’ll last year with my partner when he was working a lot, I decided maybe I should do that too. Maybe that’s the right way to do things. You know, because sometimes when I think, when women are around men, we start to feel a little I don’t know, I felt guilty that I’m not creating more when he’s just an ambition machine and so I tried to keep up, and I would work all day too, and I just felt drained, empty and like there was no life from it to just be on A computer all day. It just felt very lifeless and I felt so uncomfortable with it that I actually went to him and said, I don’t love working like this.

And he’s, he just kind of laughed. He’s like, you know, men women, have this weird idea that we care what you guys do for work, and we just don’t, you know, like, if you want to be watching Netflix or hanging out with friends or whatever it is you’re wanting to do to make you happy, we don’t really care. You know, we just want a good life, and yeah, like, it’s not something that I’m not he basically just told me, I’m not judging you for not working the way I do. I don’t even think that the way I’m doing it is correct. So it was just interesting for me, because I felt so much pressure, like he’s he was just achieving the world and so ambitious every day, and I had naturally, none of it, honestly, I just would try to keep up, and it wasn’t in alignment. And even still, if I binge on work for a few days, I can just feel it like I just feel. Dull and kind of empty doing that.

Kevin Anthony 25:03
Yeah, you know, Celine, my wife, she used to say the same thing. She used to say that, you know, if I didn’t have to work, she’s like, I would still work a little bit, right? But that’s how she felt like she loved the work that she did. She never wanted to stop helping people and working with clients, but she didn’t want to have to do it eight hours a day, five days a week, right? It was just, it was just too much. And I used to say to her all the time that, you know, to the point that you were making about your partner and how he feels. You know, we live, and I still live in Southern California. It’s a very expensive place to live, and we were never at the point where, you know, we could live off just one income, but I used to tell her all the time, if we could survive off just my half of doing this, I would be happy to let you retire from work. And I think a lot of men feel that way. I don’t know, like some of the younger generations, they’ve really bought into this. Everything’s got to be 50/50, nonsense.

So anyway, you know, maybe they don’t feel that way, but it’s if they don’t feel that way. I personally think it’s only because they haven’t truly experienced the benefits that come from a happy, relaxed woman and the way that she will add value to your life in other ways than just how much work output she did, right? Yes. So yeah, I think that there’s a lot of value in allowing women to be women, right? Because, like the reality is, is when you’re relaxed when you’re happy, you’re going to pour that, that vibe all over us. You’re going to make our life better. You’re going to, you know, you’re going to support us in other ways that are equally as valuable as you know how many hours you spend in front of the computer? Okay? Next question, when you realize that you’re operating too much in your masculine and you’re like, Okay, I need to figure out how to get in more into my feminine Did you find it challenging to be able to switch back and forth between the two?

Amira Nystrom 27:11
Yes, I think it’s been, but it’s still tricky. You know, it’s a daily kind of dance. But the difference now is that I know who I want to be because I’ve decided who I want to be. So when I get into the moments where I am challenged, I can reference what I have written on my you know who I want to be bored. And so now that part is easier, but I think I would, yeah, struggle with that masculine energy if I just worked, worked, worked, and then I went to see friends or something. All of a sudden, I’m bulldozing with work stuff and a bit shut down emotionally. And so when they’re telling me their feelings, I was more saying, what are you going to do about it? Or just this energy that isn’t really who I am, it is just when the brain is in this solve-the-problem mode. It’s hard to switch.

And so I would find that I would be, yeah, too masculine in my friendships and in relationships, where I would go up to my partner and be like, This is what we need to do next with this business thing or whatever, and that energy just didn’t compliment very well. So I and then, on the other hand, too, being completely in my feminine with work. I used to say, Oh, I don’t have to work because I’ve delegated so much with my business that I just, I’ll just flow. And I tried to make it seem like that was a charming path, but it well, I really believed at that point. But yeah, so I just, I see the benefits in both being in the places they’re supposed to be, because who I really am, if my friends having a hard time, regardless of what the issue is, it’s kind of more masculine to call an emotion, you know, like, Is it logical? Is it not logical? Or what can you do about it?

And that’s not really real for me, because I know, just like any other woman on this planet that, you know, sometimes things just feel intense and or scary or big, and they can be small, but it can be that time in our cycle and it just and what women really need when we feel that way is that friend or partner to sit there and say, I. Yeah, I know it’s hard. I’m here with you, and then naturally, they tend to just come out of it anyways, at least for with my friends, there was, I knew the role that I was supposed to play with certain friendships. And so when I would switch to being cold and directive and or not cold, like cruel, but just not willing, yeah, um, because I see the masculine as more tree, like energy, and the feminine more fluid. So when we interact with other women, it has this energy of, yeah, we can go there and then we can go here, and it’s just, it’s emotional and it’s fluid and it’s beautiful, and yeah, so I just, I struggled with switching between the two, actually, for a while, and now, yeah, now it’s a daily practice.

Kevin Anthony 30:58
I have one more question before we get there, which is, you know. So you mentioned how it was affecting a lot, you know, your relationships with, say, you know, your girlfriends. And you mentioned a little bit about, you know, it having an effect on your relationship with your partner. I’m wondering if you could just talk about maybe some of the things you noticed about how, when you were in your masculine energy, it was affecting your intimate relationship with your partner, what types of things did you notice were happening?

Amira Nystrom 31:26
For me, there’s a masculine and feminine way to show up to a conflict, and it is. I just noticed that I would bulldoze through. And if I was bulldozing and I was saying, Do this, do that, do this, do that like or even if it’s helpful energy of trying to help or trying to fix, or it’s kind of betraying our nature. And I noticed instead, when I switched I would not lead and trust to lead like it’s very different to be okay, we’re co-leaders. That’s a little bit uncomfortable, but yeah, I guess the CO leading, or the helping and fixing and that energy didn’t really go too well, and when I could switch into trust, trusting his leadership, that was powerful, because that energy seemed to I noticed he would shrink if I would take up all the space and then he would be drawn to where he can feel Like A Leader, wherever in his life, he could feel that way.

And so what I noticed is when I allow him the space to lead and trust not allow but like when I trust him to lead, that the energy is complimenting each other, and he gets to really step into that. And I think, too, sometimes men aren’t leading, and so women are like, let me grab the steering wheel. So I don’t want to say that it’s, you know, it’s, it’s not all bad. I get it from both sides, but, um, but I think there’s something really powerful with even if they’re not leading, backing away and giving it a little bit of space for them to come into that.

Kevin Anthony 33:48
This is a really important point you just brought up. So two things. First of all, you mentioned that one of the things that you did was trust his leadership, and that is absolutely something that you need to do. But the caveat to that is you got to do a good job of choosing the right man, because as a man, yes, we want our women to trust us to lead, but we have to step up and lead, and we have to step up and lead appropriately, and if we don’t do that, we can’t possibly expect you to trust us to do so, right? So it really is a balance between the two of you know, you trusting his leadership and him stepping up and leading in a way that works, right? So there’s that. And then what was, there was a second point that you were mentioning there.

Amira Nystrom 34:39
And I think also not this one I find is such a big deal from my life has been I would lead things a certain way, and so, and I find that with my girlfriends too, we see that we would lead things a certain way, but if we drop that and we just. To leave this space, I agree on picking a man, but also with whichever man you are with being kind of open and curious to see how they might be leading in their own way, how they might be, you know, something with me and my partners, he’s a wild adventure traveler, so he plans everything super last minute.

And for me, that was, Oh, my God, anxiety. I just wanted to know, you know, what’s really happening. But when I would slow down and see that he makes all the decisions in time. You know, in his own time, it’s not that he like he is leading. He’s just leading in his own way. And that part has been really profound for me too, because I see a lot of girls in the dating pool saying he’s not doing this, or he’s not doing that, and I, I want to encourage people to be a little bit open to one that people can come into that even if they’re not there yet, and it might look different than how you pictured it.

Kevin Anthony 36:17
Yes, these are, I love that you’re bringing all these things up, because you’re absolutely right with every one of these points, and they are definitely things that I want to make sure that the audience really gets in. So the second thing that I wanted to mention that I was drawing a temporary blank on before is this idea of if, as a woman, you step in and you’re really controlling in your masculine and not creating the space for him to step up and lead. Some men will actually do that. Some men will actually just kind of like shrink back into the background, right? You know, which is absolutely unattractive to you, because the whole reason you’re stepping up is because you feel like he’s not stepping up, right? So then you step up, and you push harder, which makes him step up even less.

Amira Nystrom 36:58
And that is just scary as a woman, when they shrink, then, right? Like, ah, what’s happening?

Kevin Anthony 37:04
Now, some men won’t shrink, but then they get combative, right? So, but, but this idea of, if you create the space and allow him to rise up into it, right? And that takes some trust on your end, but it’s, it’s really, it’s a really important thing to do. If you want him to step up into that space. You have to create the space for him to do so, otherwise you’re going to end up with a shrinking man or a conflict the second thing.

Amira Nystrom 37:31
I was going to say just trusting. I love that you said that takes some trust on your end. And I think trusting, too for me is I used to think it meant he has to have strong hands so I can, you know, like, bring my chaos and he’s not going anywhere, whatever. But I think it’s not just about trusting the other person. It’s so much about trusting ourselves too to know because in a relationship, if we trust and we give the space for them to lead, then if they don’t lead, you know, like the worst case, they don’t lead you anywhere where you want to go, trusting that if you know you’ll be fine, even if it ends, then it’s not so scary when they’re not leading.

Because I think when we try to push through and help them, it’s really just we’re scared that we’re not going to the place that we want to go, or we’re scared that they’re not. Yeah, so it’s just interesting because trust me I see it so misunderstood in the world around me that everyone, so many women, wants a man that’s just trustworthy and it’s not accountable enough. In my opinion. I think also having that inner trust in ourselves and building that actively, it changes how we show up.

Kevin Anthony 39:00
I completely agree with that. And thank you for bringing, that point up about there. There is a nuance there with the trust. It’s not just trusting him, it’s also trusting yourself, no matter what happens, right? Because you’re not going to really let go fully and create that space fully if you’re operating from the fear, you know, mode of like, what if he doesn’t? What if he doesn’t? I better be prepared. I better let you know, right? That’s, that’s not really letting go of the range. That’s like, still, that’s like, giving a little bit more slack in the range, but still holding on to him, right?

Amira Nystrom 39:31
Feels like a shit test for the like, Oh God, I’m gonna fuck up. But if you really, really trust, like, you really set, you’re like, you got this, you’re the You are my leader. You got this, you know, then it’s a different energy.

Kevin Anthony 39:46
You said something else, I think that’s really, really important. You were making the point of that they may not always do things the same way that you would. Right? This is a conversation I have all the time with women when women. Do one of what my wife used to call the four Cs, which is the complaining, criticizing, competing, and controlling, like the four things that are just toxic to a relationship, right? One of those is controlling, right? Which is you want him to do something, and so you’re gonna not only ask him to do it, but you’re gonna tell him exactly every step to get there along the way, right? And that’s where you feel like you need to control how everything is done. This, of course, drives men absolutely insane, yeah, and it creates a lot of problems. And so, you know, one of the one of the ways to do that is to let go of the how, but focus on the end result. You want the end result. You don’t necessarily care how he gets there, so if he gets there through a route that’s maybe different than the way you would have gotten there, as long as there are no negative consequences to that alternate route, what do you care? Right? And that’s what’s really hard for a lot of women to do. Like, no, it has to be my way.

Amira Nystrom 40:58
It’s so hard. Okay? It’s so hard, but I’ve made that mistake many times too. There’s I have so much compassion for the women who are, you know, controlling too, because it’s, we’re It’s just scary, you know, and no one really teaches you how to how to do that. It’s not something that’s encouraged to just trust.

Kevin Anthony 41:28
A really important point that we have to cover here, as we’re getting fairly long into the show, is how you are managing to do this. So we’ve talked about the struggles and it’s wonderful to hear your voice from your own personal experience with these things because I think they’re pretty universal because I hear them a lot. So I really wanted ladies who are listening in the audience to hear it from you, so that they could go, oh, it’s not just me. Oh, it’s not just my struggle. Oh, this is a real thing, right? So we got all that next I want to get into, like, what you’ve been doing, in order to be more in your feminine, in order to switch back and forth and that sort of thing. But I’m way past doing a break, so let me do a quick break, then when we come back on the other end of that, we’re gonna talk about that. Cool.

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Okay, let’s jump back in, because we’re getting a little long in the show, and I really want to make sure we cover this part of it. So we’ve talked about the challenges of running your own business, of being in your masculine. We talked about, you know, the realization of the fact that you couldn’t keep pushing and always being in your masculine, and that it wasn’t making you happy, and that you didn’t want to work that many hours, and that that masculine way wasn’t working for you. We talked about the fact that, if you were really honest with yourself, you know you wanted to be more feminine you wanted to have more of an ability to do the things that light you up. So now the question becomes, what types of things have you done personally that have helped you? One let’s start first with switching. So what have you learned to help you switch from your masculine to your feminine and vice versa? And then after we talk about that, we’ll talk about things that you are doing to nurture your femininity.

Amira Nystrom 44:19
I would say that in the switching process, um, letting go of the shame when I would feel when I noticed that the outside is not exactly what I want it to be. So say I go into a discussion or something, or a conflict, and I just quickly notice that energy, um, that there’s two masculine energies. I just used to do the drama of, I need to be right, and I need to do this and whatever. But I would just notice now, okay, no shame in any. The thing that led up to this moment right now, the next moment is a new moment. I do not like what’s happening. So soften, soften, express vulnerably, sit, stay, and just kind of be with what’s happening. And then I notice, I notice things change around me. So that’s switching from the masculine to feminine energy is if I start to notice that I’m coming in that I just tell myself, it’s okay, soften and so now I try to even tell myself, before I go into certain environments, just put on an intention.

And in switching to the masculine I will I used to feel. I love being feminine, and I love, you know, but there’s only so much you can cook and bacon, you know, whatever. So I just, I at some point, um, I just thought, Okay, put on the energy. You don’t really want to work right now, but you do want this dream, so you might as well. Put it like, what is something I could do today, where I would be proud of it six months from now? Or I just try to put myself say something that matters to me, to question how I’m going to spend my day because, everyone, they’re driven differently. Or I try to motivate myself by even a feminine desire with my business, where I noticed I wasn’t ambitious, and then I spent some time with one of our guides, and they said I want to work even more. I want to be busier.

And so I would just remind myself of that voice. So it’s that feminine. I want to take care of my team. But also, okay, then I need to do this. I need to do this part. I need to work, you know? I need to sit down, just do it, set a timer, whatever. But yeah, I would just try to convince myself to remind myself of the other possible results, and then, yeah, try to convince myself to just want to switch mode.

Kevin Anthony 47:28
So I have a sort of a little formula that I use when I’m trying to help women do this, and I think it fits in nicely with what you were just sharing. So I want to just quickly share that, which is the very first thing, is awareness, right? So that was the first piece that you were talking about. It’s like you had an awareness that you wanted to switch from one side to the other, right? So whether you were in your feminine and there’s only so much you can cook or bake, you were just like, Yeah, okay, I have an awareness now that I’m good there, and I want to get back into my masculine, right? Or the other way around, you’ll have an awareness that I’m working too much, and what I really need is to just go cook and bake something, right? So it starts with an awareness. And this is, I think, where a lot of women really it’s a place where it all starts to go wrong, which is that there’s just so much in their masculine all the time, because that’s, you know, how they’ve been their whole life, that there isn’t even an awareness that they can switch back and forth, right? So first we have to have that awareness.

The second thing, this is something that I really recommend, and I think works really well, and it’s the idea of transition spaces. So I use this a lot when I’m talking about women, like, let’s say they work outside the home, right? They’re like the CEO of a company, and they’re out in the office all day long. And then they come home, right? They step in the front door, maybe their man’s home already, or their kids are there, and they start going right into all right? I need you to pick this up, and I need you to do this, and I need you to write. And it’s like they’re in CEO mode the second they walk through the door. And it’s hard because this is what they’ve been doing all day long. And so I say, get a transition space now, that space can be before you come home, or it can be when you come home, the first thing you do before you start barking out orders is you go take a bath, right? Yeah, or you do something that nurtures your feminine which I want to talk more about, you know, what you do to nurture that in a little bit, but something that gives you a little space in between masculine and feminine, right, to allow some time for that transition to happen. Because it’s not always a switch that you just flip right like it takes a little bit to shift. Yeah, it does. So that’s the idea of transition spaces.

And then the other is to do something to create what we call a state change. So I also am an NLP practitioner, which is neurolinguistic programming, and in that, we do a lot of things to create what we call state changes. So you were actually talking about that. We. State change, which was like thinking about that guide that you were working with, right, and hearing his words in your head, like, I want to work more. I want to work more, right? And that helps you shift your state at that moment in NLP, we’ll do things we have practices like, you know, one of them we call the Ring of Fire, where we imagine this ring right on the ground, and we put in there all the things that we want, like we want, the ambition and the drive and the get shit done, and that’s all in the ring, right? And then we consciously in our minds, step into the ring, and then we feel all that energy and that power, right? And so we use these sorts of psychological tricks to trick our brain into changing a state, right? And that’s exactly what you were just talking about. You have your ways of how you shift state.

So I think those are a couple of good ways that women can learn to switch back and forth. Have an awareness, give yourself a little transition space, and then do something, whatever that thing is that can create the state change that you want. If you want to get into your masculine do something that gets masculine, do something that gets you fired up, like hearing the words of a guy who, really, you know, rocks it, you know, in business, in your head and like, over and over again until you get amped up to do it, or, yeah, opposite, you know, whatever it is that gets you into your feminine. So that’s kind of my little three-step plan for being able to switch back and forth.

Amira Nystrom 51:23
I love those. Yeah, I think it’s just knowing what drives you and then learning to trick yourself into that state, not trick or convince yourself into that state like because there’s stuff that’s running on automatic, and some of that’s good, and some of that cannot be exactly leading you where you want to go. And so I think, to remind I don’t know, to get a drawing board out of just how do I want to show up in these different environments? Who do I want to be in these environments and get as detailed as possible? And then in those moments where you are switching, remind yourself of and yeah, convince yourself, because some people are super money-driven, and that’s awesome. No shame in it. Get it. But I just, have to convince myself by thinking of how it’s benefiting someone I care about, and then I can get myself to do it, yeah?

Kevin Anthony 52:31
And the thing is to find what works for you because it’s going to be a little bit different for everybody, right? So find the tricks and the little things that work for you to help you change state. Yeah, exactly. Okay. I want to make sure because I know so many women who struggle with how they’re in their masculinity all the time and they’re realizing that this is really wreaking havoc on themselves, their own physical body, their own mental happiness, as well as their relationships. So the question is, how can these women nurture their femininity more? So I’m curious to hear from you, like when you realized you were just you were operating a lot in your masculine you really wanted to be in your feminine. What types of things were you doing, or do you do to this day that help you really embrace your feminine and nurture it in and be in it?

Amira Nystrom 53:23
Yeah, I think because the world seems to encourage a more masculine energy out of us, it feels wrong, weak, and uncomfortable, to really explore some of those avenues that would really help nurture our feminine energy. Like in my, I used to judge it a lot, and now I find myself singing a lot. Um, it doesn’t really matter if you have a good voice or not. It can be chanting, humming, something that just feels fluid and good in the body. Walking in nature barefoot, I think is incredible, because women have this I don’t know Well, I can’t speak for all women, but I know that for myself, I am so receptive that when I’m walking in nature, I feel it in my whole body, and when I’m swimming in the ocean, it gives me the sense of home. And I think there is an emptiness nature to women, and we come to our relationships, often wanting that emptiness to get fulfilled by our partners.

And I think as we find that there’s so much in life trying to give to us and trying to get received from us, yeah, I think that there’s a lot of i. Magic, to just jumping in the ocean, or to walk in nature, or to meditating or slowing down, or, I mean, I honestly get a lot just from watering my plants. I just, love it just to feel like I’m taking care of something. So those are some of the things that I do, but I wanted to mention too on the state stuff, that’s something that we use constantly. It’s just this running joke in our house that whenever anyone is clinging to their grumpiness or clinging to their mood or something, one of us will just be like, Are you sure you don’t feel fantastic? And then, and it’s and then we’ll just create it. We’ll say it until we create it, and then we’ll go and move through the rest of our day. And because the state is everything, I think we look around at the world and get bummed that certain things make us feel things, but in reality, if we are the strong creators that we really are, and if we’re down to take that responsibility, then it doesn’t matter so much, you know, and it changes how we show up.

And especially the biggest thing with this feminine, masculine struggle is, that I find that I see a lot of women who don’t want to give themselves like they don’t want to, they are waiting to for the men to feel like they’ve earned it and that, you know, they’ve they took them out on the fancy date, or they brought the flowers and they did the Anna, the tests seem endless, and it’s something that when I witness it, I just want to shake them and be like love. Don’t you know that it’s your heart that would feel better if you allowed yourself to give who you really are to the world around you, and it’s your heart that would feel better to be kind? You know, men don’t get complimented much, and I’m just so passionate about just softening ladies, you know like it’s not, they’re not out to get you, you know.

Kevin Anthony 57:27
Well, it’s great, though. I’m so glad that you shared that I use this analogy a lot of times. So as a business owner, you’ll understand this, right? Because I’ve seen so many people do this. They say, they say, Okay, I don’t want to put a lot of time or a lot of money into my business right now, because the business isn’t making any money. Yeah, right. But what they fail to see is, if you don’t put the time and or money into the business, it’s never going to make any money. And so if we use that as an analogy, it’s the same thing over here that you were just describing with the relationship. It’s like, these women are holding back, or they’re testing. You’re like, I’m not going to give him my heart. I’m not going to give him love to deserve it, right? So he does this, this or this. But what she doesn’t realize is, is that he’s probably not going to do this, this or this, until you give Him your heart, until you open it, because that’s what inspires him to actually do those things.

Amira Nystrom 58:19
Yeah, that’s what created it in my relationship, is, I mean, everyone’s been hurt, right? Like no one’s running around in their 30s, or 40s, never having felt any kind of heartbreak or pain. So people are hurt, guarded, but I just decided to, yeah, yeah, just show up. Just give love. And that’s what invited, that’s what invited that relationship to come into being, what it actually is, you know, it changed things from, you know, take taking turns paying to all of a sudden, him sitting me down and being like, you’re cleaning everything, you’re cooking, you’re doing so much, and most women don’t do anything for in this way. So from here on out, I got you. I’m taking care of you. And it was just interesting that that’s a different way to do it’s just give, you know, and then you can always there’s no risk to it you that, like there’s an illusion that we’re gonna get taken advantage of or whatever.

But if you just give you trust yourself to be able to handle what life gives you, then you feel more at peace inside, you know. Or at least, I’ve found for myself that I feel more at peace if I am giving and I trust that I can leave if I want to. And it actually invites that space for the man to want to step in and do those sweet things, because it’s kind of, I would imagine, it’s kind of uncomfortable for guys to come up against that energy that’s kind of. Rating, you know, like, oh, he wore that on the date. Or, you know, it’s just very different than to have that openness on the other side.

Kevin Anthony 1:00:11
What you just shared is so, so powerful, and I’m so glad that you shared it in the way that you did. And I really hope that the ladies who are listening to this really heard that message, and what’s beautiful about it is, I mean, obviously, it’s coming from you as a woman, but it’s also been your actual experience as well like you’ve seen the shift in your relationship when you allowed yourself to do this. So, ladies, it is possible. I really hope that you hear that, and I really hope that you trust this process. Yeah, okay, we are really out of time. We’re actually a little bit over, but that’s okay. It was definitely worth it. I just want to give you the space to do two more things. One, if there’s any last advice you have for women when it comes to this topic that you want to share, and then also, you know if you want to tell the audience where they can find more about you and your work and what you’re doing.

Amira Nystrom 1:01:05
Yes, of course. I think the most powerful thing is to create the feeling of what you want to experience on the inside and then allow it to show up in on the outside. I do manifestation work and hypnosis, and I deeply believe in the 8020 rule that it’s 80% about the internal experience and 20% about the external experience, because we can and it, I guess clearing, I think the most important thing is clearing self-sabotage patterns. It just, you know, there’s a lot on automatic. And if you’re not getting what you want out of life, then I just think it’s really, it’s a good time to look at what’s going on on the inside. So whatever work you do, coaches, podcasts, whatever, just clear the self-sabotage is the main one, and then focus and find a way to deeply believe that you deserve what you want. And that’s a huge part of what I do, yeah, helping people find self-worth and strengthen it to the point where they attract more than what they think they deserve. So to find me, I’m a traveler of love on Instagram, that’s the best place to find me. Thank you so much. Yeah, it’s been so good.

Kevin Anthony 1:02:37
Yeah, wonderful conversation. It really was what I was hoping it would be. I really wanted you to come on and really share your personal experience and what works for you. And I’m always pleasantly surprised when, because you know, like I have a guest on, I never know what the guest is going to say. So there are always certain teaching points that I want to come out through our conversation. And so I make little notes. I’m like, Well, if she doesn’t say this, I’ll bring it up, you know. But you, you really just you of your own volition, in your own way, you brought in all the little points that I was really hoping that you would, you would bring up. So that was wonderful. So thank you so much for coming.

Amira Nystrom 1:03:21
Yeah, thank you. It’s been such a pleasure. I love talking about this stuff. I love you the 4c too. I’m going to re-watch this and write those down.

Kevin Anthony 1:03:32
Yes, please do share them with the world, because, yeah, it really when you can shift those behaviors, you really see big shifts in the dynamic of a relationship. So absolutely. All right. Well, one more time, thank you for coming on the show, sharing your experience, and everybody that’s all the time that I have for this episode, and I will see you next week.

I hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with your friends, and for more free exclusive content, join me in the passion vault at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/, thanks for listening, and remember, as Celine used to say, you’re amazing!