How To Stop Trauma Bonding And Build Real Connection Instead

Kevin Anthony 0:05
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, a safe and fun place to get real and learn about sex, whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and your relationships.

All right. Welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 326 and it is titled, How to Stop trauma bonding and build real connection. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. Really, what we’re talking about here is connection, right? How do we establish a connection? And this is a common question that I get all the time. How do I deepen the connection? How do I build intimacy? You know? How do I get closer to my wife, my husband, my girlfriend, my boyfriend, whatever it is, right? It’s a super common question.

We’ve got so many things today that are sort of in the way and preventing us from really being able to establish deep connection. And so we want to talk about that a little bit, and we also want to talk about the difference between trauma bonding and real connection. So we got to talk a little bit about that, because there’s a fair amount of people that think they have a great connection in their relationship, but really what they have is trauma bonding, so we’re going to talk a little bit about that today. If you’re watching this on YouTube, you can see that I have a guest with me today to help unpack this and figure out what we are really talking about here.

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Okay, my guest today is Asha T and she is an energy expert and self love and polarity coach. She focuses on Soul vibes and authentic expression to magnetically attract what you are here for. This creates divine power couples with all sexual expressions. She’s the CEO of beyond EQ and the author of the empath is the narcissist. Welcome to the show. Asha.

Aasha T. 3:18
I am so excited to be here, Kevin, thank you so much for having me. You are amazing, and I’m so excited to be here. Thank you and to everybody watching, hello.

Kevin Anthony 3:28
All right, so we heard in your bio a little bit about who you are and what you do. And of course, you know my listeners know that I always do pre-interview calls, so you and I have spoken before, and I’ve gotten to know a little bit about you and your story. So the first question I want to ask you is, I wonder if you can talk about who you were as a person before undergoing the transformational journey? Because what we talked about you and I was a little bit about like, you know, what your experience was before, and how that kind of led you on this journey. So this is just to establish a little bit of background.

Aasha T. 4:06
Thank you so much. And I think that’s a really important and beautiful place to begin, because if you’re empathetic if you’re dealing with a disconnect in your relationship, if you’re out there in the dating pool and you’re like, where is this person? Or if perhaps you may have given up completely. I can relate to you if you are with a person where you’re not connecting, and you may even want them to, like, you know, leave your life or something because you’re so avoidant to them, I can also understand that. So a great place to start. I’ll begin by saying when I was in high school, I was really feminine, really vibrant, really outrageous. I went to school for theater and dance, and I had my heart broken. I was in a very disorganized, crazy relationship from the time I was 18 to 21, and believe it or not, when we broke up, that man and he. Fell into a really deep, dark night of the soul.

We reconnected about 20 years later, and I’ll get to that in just a minute. And all of this is in the book. At that time, I closed my heart down to him. I just completely shut him out of my life. I then got married to a really masculine man, to which I couldn’t even receive His direction or his leadership or honor his masculinity. I was so masculinized. And of course, in that avoidance and that controlling energy that I was holding, believe it or not, he, of course, had co-dependence, codependent qualities. So in that relationship, I was really married to my work. I was about 50 pounds heavier. I always say I feel a little bad for him because he definitely didn’t get this hot, you know, wet, mermaid version. I was shielded. I ended up getting sick. I was so disconnected. Kevin. I had an overactive thyroid. I got pre-cancerous cells. I couldn’t push the weight, and I just like, no matter what, and I terrible relationship with alcohol, that real sort of, like, reward yourself energy, like a work hard, party, hard kind of vibe. And we were living on the beaches of Australia. We had plenty of money. We were traveling the world, so I should have, on paper, been happy, but I was living this double life, where everything on the outside seemed great, but I was suffering inside. I was really disconnected. I didn’t have any idea how to heal myself.

When I finally started on emotional intelligence, I started learning about EQ. Kevin, I was like, wait a minute, what is this? Everybody says they have high emotional intelligence, but look at the shitstorm we’re in, right? How does everybody have high awareness? And this is what leadership looks like, right? Because you go to like a job, and everybody’s like, Oh, John’s got amazing EQ, and Kathy is an amazing team leader. Well, what’s happening in Cathy’s bedroom? What’s happening with John and his wife? Or does John have four hookers? So these are the underbellies that we hold, even though externally, we think we have really high awareness. And when I found out that I was running off of this lack of self-love, and I couldn’t love my husband. I burned in the hell of the worst ego burn. I think that really relates to people. It’s not easy to look at, right? I know you probably know what I’m talking about, especially in this work. And when that happened to me, I learned that that man from high school was attached to my soul, and so when he let go, I felt it and sort of true kind of narcissistic style. I was married, but I reached out to that man on Facebook. It’s very my integrity was off. I learned integrity as a trauma response.

That’s a whole nother conversation, but I couldn’t understand it. It’s like I was an integral woman, but I wanted to cheat. And I think that a lot of people go through this, get activated, but I was married, I was feeling a lot of shame, and then I realized I couldn’t love my husband because I didn’t love myself. And so when I turned my love onto him, and I was like, I love you, he actually left, and he moved back to Australia, into the mines, and I realized then and there that the empath is the narcissist. So once I saw it, he couldn’t even receive it. So it was really powerful. Gave me a ton of insights about the energetics of how we relate, how PTSD, how attachment theory, and how abandonment and resentment are all not deep enough without the understanding of the feminine and masculine energies we have inside ourselves and our DNA. So that’s what I created in this short period. And I’ve got about nine certification certifications in the last three and a half years, and I’ve helped 1000s of people.

Kevin Anthony 9:00
All right, there’s so much in what you shared that I want to ask you about, and I’m not even going to be able to remember all of it, but I’m hearing your story because that’s that much more in-depth than we talked about the pre-interview. Because the pre-interviews are, you know, we don’t want to go too deep into it, because we want it to come out in the real the real thing. So I appreciate that you shared more details and depth now in it, and it was just triggering all kinds of questions. So one question I have is, so you said that when you finally, you know, said to your husband, I love you, and you were able to actually crack through that, you know, that wall basically, that was preventing you from being able to really open up to him and love him, that he suddenly moved away. So what do you think was going on with him, that he couldn’t take it when suddenly you were because it seems like he was attracted to the shutdown you not to open you? What do you think was going on there with him?

Aasha T. 10:01
You know, I’m so happy that you pulled that for a question because I do believe a lot of men struggle with this. Perhaps they want to please their wife, they want to serve her, they want to give her and she is avoidant. Interestingly enough, this is referred to as a push-pull dynamic. That man is on some subconscious level, attracted to the avoidance of the feminine. So when the feminine then becomes present, open, and supple, that man is actually no longer an energetic match. So let’s use a tangible example. A man wants to please his wife, and he’s listening to you, and he’s like, give the gift of, you know, non-erectile dysfunction, I give my woman everything, and she’s still it’s still not enough. It’s still not enough. It’s still not enough, believe it or not, even though that man is saying that he has what I refer to as almost like a clingy, anxious energy.

And so that that anxiousness is automatically attracted to the avoidance. It’s subconscious. It’s perhaps from his mother. It might even be from his grandmother, his grandmother, his grandmother goes back so so deep. That’s why my work is so profound as we go so deeply back and when a man actually sets about I’ll give an example. I said to a man, I said, Yes, but you say that you want to please her and you want you keep giving her money. You keep giving her money. Why don’t you set a boundary? When I asked this client this he’s like, I can’t do that. Well, what if she leaves me? So believe it or not, the man is actually subconsciously avoiding his own abandonment wound, and he’s folding every single time because the feminine will test you every time he folds into her.

She actually, believe it or not, finds him repulsive, and she’ll start to want to leave the dynamic. So men believe they’re helping, but what they really need to be doing is dropping in and dealing with their own abandonment wound. And so in my case, perhaps my first husband wasn’t willing to face that particular abandonment wound, but I chose my husband, and I know that, so I chose him based on trauma. So that’s a whole nother layer. But I do know that women choose men, and we choose a lot of times because of our own fears. So lots layers there. But his choice was to not take that ride with me, and perhaps at that moment, he chose his shadow.

Kevin Anthony 12:33
Yeah. So the reason why I wanted to ask that question is that you brought out exactly what I wanted, or was hoping that you would say, which is that is the trauma bond right there, right in other words, he wasn’t attracted to the healthy you and the healthy relationship. He was attracted to the trauma. That’s that trauma bond. Once you heal the trauma, suddenly he’s like, Ah, I don’t want any part of this right now. This is, of course, the scary part, though, when people, whether it’s both people in a couple or one person out of a couple decide to embark on a journey of personal growth and development, this is one of their biggest fears, is that, what if something we know, someone of us, changes, Somebody, heals something, and then, boom, that’s it. It’s all over. And what I would say to you is that if anybody’s thinking that who is listening is that if that’s the case, then you’re actually better off in the long run, because it’s not a healthy relationship. If the only thing holding you together is the trauma bond, then that’s not a healthy relationship. And of course, if he were willing to do the work, and if he could have gotten to the place where he could have actually been able to receive you, then it wouldn’t have had to have split.

Aasha T. 13:52
Or perhaps it could have split for, let’s say, a year, and then the door is open because I don’t, first off, I personally don’t close the door on the masculine at all. Selfishly, it’s for my own pussy and my own money, my receiving. When I block out a man, I’m actually inadvertently blocking out my own energetics. I do a really cool teaching called the dick pic on this. It’s really fun and funny about how the masculine is always bringing us gifts. So that’s a very selfish reason, and also because men tend to not really get the lesson quite as quickly as the feminine, because men are naturally more logical. They naturally need a little more time. And it’s also just a pleasurable way to live, because if a man hurts my feelings, they’re my feelings. I’m just like, grateful for the gift in me.

Really if men would feel that way about their ex-wives, then they would actually have very much more ease as well. So in this case, let’s say, if that in that scenario, my husband didn’t choose to heal his wounding, he will then he then become the avoidant in the next relationship. Because you don’t want to feel that pain again, and so you become what you were the opposite of it’s the law of polarity, right? So if you’re born really, really Catholic, you might become an atheist. In this case, if you were with a really highly controlling woman like I used to rock really well too. I was really good at it, too. I was the ultimate bitch, and if you were with that, you may then become the highly avoidant one in the next relationship. And it feels like you have control, but you’re just taking your tainted seed to a different farm. Yeah, for sure, like all just the opposite side of the coin. Have fun.

Kevin Anthony 15:40
Like they say, wherever you go, there you are. So a lot of times people think that, Oh, it’s just this relationship, or it’s just this person, or it’s just this job, it’s just this thing, and then they go somewhere else. And you see the same pattern repeating all the time. And this actually, this actually leads me to the next question that I wanted to ask, because I often see this, as one of the things that I’m really good at. My wife used to say, this is like your superpower, and it is the ability to see patterns, right? And it’s what makes me really good at doing coaching work, because it’s all about recognizing the patterns, the habitual patterns of behavior that are causing whatever the issue is that you came to me to, you know, solve. So the interesting thing is, wherever you go, there you are. So if you’re not healing, if you’re doing the work in healing and fixing and growing and changing, then you just take that, as you just said, into your next relationship, and then you’re like, Oh, see, why do I always keep attracting the people who do this, right?

And the reality is, what’s the common denominator? It’s always you, right? So how does that lead to my next question? Is something you mentioned when telling your story something about awareness, or basically lack thereof? So one of the things that I often see, not only in the work I do but also just out there, in the world in general, is a lot of people who believe they have a level of awareness that they don’t actually have. So, you know, it’s like, Oh yeah, I’m totally aware. I totally get it. I totally see it. And then everyone on the outside is just looking at them going, I don’t think you do, because if you did, you wouldn’t have this pattern repeating over and over again.

Aasha T. 17:27
Oh, my God. Okay, you’re like, totally in my head. I love this. So I want to talk a little bit about that, the loop and the repeat of a pattern. If you’re investing and you’re actively moving into clearing all these traumas and taking a stance for what you actually want in your relationship, you will experience loops again on the way up, believe it or not. So it can feel, it’s like, I always say, everything starts in a trauma bond until it comes behind in the light. So for example, I’m going to give an example. I’ve had loads of men in the last three and a half years activate me into my next level, and all of them left me, and they all left because of their ego because I’m continuing to keep going really, really high into pure love in this lifetime. That’s my personal choice, and they always end up coming back. So it’s almost like I had to, I felt like, confused. I was like, Oh, shit, Is this me? You know, where you’re almost like, why is this happening?

But the reality is, is there was trauma in there for me, latching on too quickly, my anxiety to these men, I was afraid of my own power, and also, sort of like the ego as well, playing a role, because men are highly targeted when love comes in a lot of times. Well, men and women, right? So there’s one little fun fact about the loop. So if you’re actually taking the steps and you’re like, I’m still looping, have no fear. If you’re going in and you’re investing with someone like Kevin or myself or anybody else, you are actually getting out of the loops. It’s really cool. And so with the awareness piece, I cannot agree with you. Crazy. Everybody believes they have high awareness. This is why integrity is an energy. So even when I was feeling like I wanted to cheat, we did. So many people are dealing with this. I wish more people were open about this secret pornography obsession, lack of sex, desire to want to sleep with your boss, all of these things.

You’re not alone. I speak about these openly so that people know that they’re not alone. You’re not crazy. There’s nothing wrong with you, there is a blind spot there. And sometimes what we do is we hold it in and like even if we, like, think about divorce, we don’t give it space. You have to give it space to get the awareness. And people kind of clump on top of themselves, and that’s really one of the biggest reasons why they don’t have awareness. Like, it’s, it’s, it’s a lot, it’s a lot. I attract a lot of those women because they’re, you know, huge, high achieving women, and they’re like, running these amazing teams. Well, I always say, measure your awareness in three ways, your body and your sex, like your body and your connection to self, your money and like your body and money, body and sex, beauty, money, and relationships. And if you’re not, like, 10 out of 10, or growing to be 10 out of 10, you have blind spots.

Kevin Anthony 20:31
Yeah, I always say that, like, one of the sure ways to know whether or not you’re actually aware is if you say, Oh, I have, I have total high awareness, as I get it, like I already know everything I need to know. That’s a sure sign that you don’t, in other words, in other words, even if you do feel that you have a really high level of awareness because there are, there are things for sure that I feel like I have a really high level of awareness and but the difference is, is I’m always open to the fact that there’s something else I don’t know. So, yeah, I might have a high level of awareness, but could it be higher? Are there more things I don’t know? Are there more things I could experience? I mean, if you’re not keeping an open mind to the possibility that there are always higher levels, that there’s always something more that you could potentially know, even if you have never seen another single human being at a higher level of awareness on this particular subject than yourself, it might just mean that humans, in general, haven’t quite got to that next level. But there’s always a next level, right? So as long as you’re open to that, then you know that you’re probably doing okay. And if you feel like you already got it solved, yeah, probably not.

Aasha T. 21:43
Yeah, that’s and, you know, I love that you’re talking about this because I measure a sorry about that. I measure a frequent I have a frequency test where I measure the 26 areas of emotional intelligence, and it shows where people’s inner frequencies are. So it’s like no guesswork. We know exactly what we need to work on in your blind spots. And it never ever ends. When people realize that it literally never ends, then it’s like, this, click happens. It’s like, oh my gosh, I can always find the teacher for the next level, right? So we, we have, all have souls. Our souls are programmed. I use this example. I want to share it with you. It’s with you. It’s a fun one. So like, let’s say there is a little girl who has this idea called bikini cakes, and she wants to make cupcakes while wearing bikinis. And she’s like, four, right?

And she’s got this idea, and she’s like, I want to wear bikinis and roller skates and make cupcakes. And then her dad’s like, No, you’re you can’t do that. That’s slutty. And then the mother’s like, No, you should do that. And then the mother, like, later on is like, no, don’t do that. Now this little girl’s like, starting to think, like, Wait, should I do this? Should I not do this? Is it bad to want to, you know, show my belly or whatever? And then maybe she has, like, a hit in her 20s, and she’s like, I’m gonna go for it. I’m gonna go for it, but she goes for it, and she fails. Now she like, goes into her shell, and she starts working this shitty corporate job, and she like, gets completely lost, and then she marries a man who hates cupcakes. And then over on the other side of the globe is this man who loves bikini cakes, and he’s like, all the way over here, but he’s married to a woman that makes brownies because she kind of likes cupcakes, and now everybody’s out of alignment because that little girl was programmed to feel that her desires weren’t good enough and that stacks and that stacks and it stacks and it stacks and it stacks, and we lose ourselves.

So with my work, we go into the energy fields and open up the chakras in a really unique way, where at every level I watch women and men just like, Oh, it’s so sexy. All of a sudden they’re like, I’m writing a book, or they’re like, I’m doing this in my work. $50,000 raise, $20,000 raise, 10 pounds lost, and they just start getting hot and like, well, fucked. It’s like the best assignment. But like, if someone came to me and was like, I want to be a stripper or a vixen, I’m like, hell yeah, I have. You’ve got to realize femininity and masculinity has nothing to do with whether or not a man wears high heels. Look at Prince. He was one of the most masculine people ever. He did because he rocked a truth vibe. And so when, when we start to kind of yes, you can grow. And yes, there are ways that you can learn about being feminine. But if you want to be a CEO, or if you want to be a vixen in a stripper that does not have anything to do with your femininity, there is always a man assigned to you. You need to be in your truth. Same with the masculine, it’s the same situation. It’s awesome.

Kevin Anthony 24:51
So it’s following your truth, and it’s, or, as Joseph Campbell would say, you know, following your bliss, right? Like, what is it in the world that really lights you up, that gets. You were super excited. And when you can remove the blocks that the rest of society has put on you and actually put your energy towards the things that you really love, which would be making cupcakes, well, you know, make wearing a bikini, you know, suddenly life would be a lot better.

Aasha T. 25:15
And remembering that, like so many people I meet, so many people, they don’t even know where to begin. How are you going to attract a purpose-driven man if you yourself don’t know your purpose, and you know there’s some beauty in that, because not only is it that Kevin, it’s also respecting everybody else in their truth as well, which makes it really hard. It doesn’t mean you don’t accept poor behavior you discern, but you have to accept where they are and have no emotional attachment to what somebody else is doing. A lot of women, in particular, get really passionate about the war, and they get passionate about these outside things. Well, meanwhile, you know, like there’s nothing going on in their bedroom at home. If they actually reverse that, they can make a lot more change if they become the love. So there’s like becoming love and loving what you do, and following your own soul also means respecting people who didn’t choose you, who chose a different path, even if it hurts your boo-boos and your feelings, and knowing that people you’re going to be a lot more effective when you’re rocking your own stage.

Kevin Anthony 26:18
If only everyone in the world could do what you just said. So there’s, you know, without going too deep into this rabbit hole, there’s, there’s this notion of natural law. I don’t want to go too deep into this. But basically, if I could boil natural law down to this most simple essence, it would be, you’re free to do whatever the fuck you want to do in this world, as long as you are not negatively impacting anybody else, right? So your freedom ends where you actually start negatively impacting somebody else. But if people could just realize that, right, and realize that, you know, if they wanted to be a different religion, that’s perfectly okay because it’s not affecting your ability to be your religion, right? Or somebody wanted to be a stripper, that’s okay because that’s not affecting you in any way, right? Like, if people could realize that this world would be a completely different place to live in. But that’s a whole other conversation.

Aasha T. 27:19
I will tell you, though, like, it goes deeper, even if you want to get real, real, none of it is our business. Because look, right, I’ve taken past life regressions. I know you definitely have gone down into like, the past lives, right, for sure. And I was, I was born like a tyrannical man, so every time I, like, get mad toward like, the narcissistic, tyrannical man. I’m like, I was that guy who can’t see what we can’t see. Like, yes, we have to make a better leadership template, for sure. And that’s why I love bringing these couples together, kingdoms, right? Making a real, real impact. I’m also like, oh shit. Like, when I see it, I’m like, God damn it, he can’t see no matter how much I yell and scream, it’s still not going to get him and like, it’s not my journey to have it doesn’t mean we accept bad things, but that’s true. Emotional mastery is, like, really, really being inside your own body and like, really, really potently standing in that place. It’s, it’s, it’s almost impossible as a human, but it’s powerful.

Kevin Anthony 28:23
Absolutely it is. And you know, to speak to that point when you see somebody who’s out there being a tyrannical person, like, as you said, it doesn’t mean we allow them to be a tyrant, right? But, it also doesn’t mean that somehow we’re a failure if we can’t convert him from being a tyrant into, you know, someone who’s not a tyrant. So, you know, that’s that’s apparently his life lesson in this particular life, and he’s hopefully going to learn and not come back and repeat it. That’s not an excuse to allow his behavior. We will make sure he has no power and no ability to be a tyrant. But yeah, same time, and you know, we’ll try to help him in this lifetime, but that’s it. If not, then you know he’ll have as many more lifetimes as it takes to figure that out.

Aasha T. 29:05
Figure it out exactly. I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you like I had this client, she had about, like 4000 employees. I cannot even tell you she had like, no awareness, she had no empathy. Like this woman was jaded, and hated men. Now what you gotta realize is that the 4000 people plugged into that woman are feeling that energy so they too can become emasculated if they’re men and avoidant to their husbands if they’re women. That’s the power that leaders have. And she was like, projecting onto me one day, and I just with no emotional charge was like, Don’t you ever speak to me like this? I’m not your employee. Clean it up. You have a problem. But I had no emotional reaction in that space. She was able to, like, lose her mind and have a dark night of the soul. It was awesome. Job done. So that’s the vibe, right? Like. That’s the vibe. It’s like, I’m here. I’m a warrior of my own energy. Your behavior is not triggering me, but I see you, are the vibe, and that’s really hot for men and women.

Kevin Anthony 30:11
This comes to another point that you made, that you know, I make on this show all the time, and unfortunately, it’s a little bit of a tough sell for some people, but that’s why we need to keep talking about it, and that really is that everything’s an inside job. I mean, ultimately, what you’re talking about is doing your own interpersonal work, right? And so when you do that, it’s like you were talking about the shift earlier. It’s like, you know, once you can make the shift, once you can learn to love yourself, now everything outside changes. So rather than focusing your external energy on trying to shift the war, shift yourself. And if everybody shifts themselves, then the war itself shifts, right? So just, I can’t hammer that point enough, is like, because people will come to me, especially if we bring this back to relationships, right?

Yeah, people will come to me all the time, and they’ll say, Well, you know, I’ve had this string of failed relationships and blah, blah, blah, and this that the other thing but I’m not in a relationship right now, so I don’t know. Should I? Should I like, wait to work with you until I’m in a relationship and I go, No, no, no, because then you’re just gonna repeat the same pattern and fuck up that relationship too. Yeah, now is the time to work on yourself and become the best version of yourself, which is the term that I use all the time in my work, become the best version of yourself. That you can be that way. When the next relationship comes around, you will actually have a good chance of having a decent, healthy, functioning relationship, right? So it’s that idea that it always starts in here with each one of us.

Aasha T. 31:39
Oh my gosh, I’m so happy. God, we’re so in sync. Because I was like, Oh, I hope you bring we gotta bring it back to the relationship piece because there’s so much in what you just shared. So I teach devotion to the masculine. Now you don’t have to want that. It is to work with me. You can have them want whatever you want. I work with a lot of people in the poly and also gay and lesbian community. And I work in energetics of polarity. I like hot, polarized relationships. And in order for the Yes, let’s go and as you know, in order for it to have a really heightened level of polarity, you want a nice, washed, clean, bubbly, vibrant energy between the two of you. There is a third layer that lives within the energetics of a relationship. It’s the feminine, it’s the masculine, and then it’s the energy that’s between you and so you want that energy to be clean and fresh so that the whole the poles work themselves out. It’s like magnetic so women want this. I find so many women want this.

In fact, I find most women, 99.9% who are straight and gay, want to get spanked, want to get dominated, but perhaps still have pain against the masculine and may feel fear even allowing themselves to come like that, open in trusting men. And so what I found, and what we’ve labeled in my practice as male resentment, exhaustion disorder, is that because of this resentment, resentment is emotions that are stacked backward. It’s like back in your like body, in your psyche, in your mind for like, like, almost like a Rolodex from years and years and years and lifetimes and lifetimes and lifetimes, and what I’m doing is I’m changing the energy and the resentment so that you live in a different existence now. So what does this look like? Women attract insanely masculine men because they can receive that level of masculinity. I personally only see masculine men, because that’s the reality I live in. I have my business manager who lives in Los Angeles, and we met for coffee a couple of weeks ago, and she was like, the way you interact with life in men, it’s like, I see all the men differently because you see them differently. They hold doors for me. I don’t pay for things like the car wash. They a guy took my laundry to my car the other day. Another man took out my groceries just yesterday.

So it’s because there’s this emanation of, I have a high level of respect for men, because I respect my inner King, and that’s what I teach women. And it’s, it’s crazy, Kevin, because sometimes they’re so disconnected when they come to me and I’m like, every day I want you to say, I’m magnetic to men. I love men. Men are everywhere, and they’re supporting me. Men are always supporting me. Men are safe and they’re like, they can’t even believe it on a fundamental level. And the good ones, they’ll do it, they’ll show up, and they’ll do that work. And then what happens? Everything starts to change. You want to know the real truth. If every woman got behind this, she would be 80 to 90% of the energy in the world, and she wouldn’t have hurt. She wasn’t hurt when a man spoke his direct truth, because she’s worked through the layers of her pain, and the whole world would be different. Men serve the divine feminine. And they wouldn’t be creating more because they’re busy building kingdoms on behalf of the Muse and the divine feminine. Men want to be around that she’s supple, she’s soft, she’s beautiful. Yeah, sure, probably they have to deal with their ego and all that other bullshit, but if they do that, they’re going to receive a woman of a high level of energy, and he wants to keep that safe. So if the feminine moves, the masculine responds, that’s how it goes.

Kevin Anthony 35:27
Yeah, you’re 100% right about that. And I have seen so many women who, once they figure this out, like their whole world shifts. And what’s interesting is, is the other women who haven’t figured it out, look at those women and go, I don’t know how she does it, yeah, you know.

Aasha T. 35:47
Oh, my God. I’ll put like, a photo of me three years ago, I was like, 50 pounds heavier. I had like, black eyes, like, literally, you couldn’t see my soul. And women will still look at it, and they’ll be like, Hmm, I don’t know. I don’t want to spend $500 on a course. I’m like, Okay, what does he have? Yeah, exactly.

Kevin Anthony 36:08
It’s absolutely amazing to me and you know, so a lot of what you’re talking about here, although we haven’t really said it outright, but it’s also, you know, stuff that I talk about. I’ve been working with some friends of mine who run a business called Magnetoize Your Man. It’s something that they talk about all the time too, but it’s this, this idea of like you were talking about when you create this energy, right? This feminine energy, all of a sudden, men just want to show up and do things for you. They want to hold doors for you. They want to carry your laundry for you. They want to buy you coffee, right? They wanted, what, all that kind of stuff. And you’re just attracting that in, and you’re just being open to receiving that, right? And when you try to teach this to women, one of the things you’ll often hear is like, because you’re trying to teach them how to, how to be more soft, like you were just saying you use the word soft, right?

It’s like a softer energy, and it’s open, and it’s sometimes even more vulnerable. The masculine women are like, Oh no, no, no, that’s That’s weak. That’s weak. I don’t want to be weak, right? And the thing that I’m always trying to tell him is, weak. Weak. Do you see how many things you just talked about that happened you like, in the last week? How is that weak? You got everything you wanted, and you didn’t even have to do anything to be. You just have to be That’s exactly it. And this is, this is one of the things I’m trying to tell women all the time, because I work with women also, it’s like you don’t understand how truly powerful you are. You’re just powerful in a different way like I’m a martial artist. So I use the the analogy of martial arts. My listeners heard me say this 1000 times, probably on the show. But like, you know, I trained for many, many years in Muay Thai, which is Thai kickboxing, and it’s just brute force. It is just to beat somebody down with bones and muscles, right? Like as hard as you can. And then that’s a very masculine way of doing it, right?

But then you have say, another martial art, like Aikido, which is completely the opposite of that. Aikido is when you just take the other person’s energy and redirect it where it wants to go. Somebody throws a punch at you, it comes in, you redirect it, and they go flying off in the other direction, right? And you didn’t even move. There was no force involved. You’re just redirecting the energy where you want it to go. And I use that as an example, is that’s a lot more feminine, right, but it’s still powerful, and that’s the point. It’s still a competitive martial art, right? It’s just a different way of doing it. And so I wish people could see that power isn’t just force, right?

Aasha T. 38:36
That’s exactly right, and it feels different when I work with my masculine energy, it’s almost like I have because I am a high achiever. I am not. I do not fuck around. I have built multiple businesses. I am CEO. I am a mother with very little financial support. I live a very in property investment. I’m a bikini model. So I kill it at the gym. Interestingly enough, where you have our first MMA, tonight, me my son, and yeah, so I have a lot of masculine qualities. In fact, I teach a business course in the women, the women, and the men who take it, they start in my self-worth course, and then they like, ascend into the business build. And they’re like, you’re not the same lady. I’m like, This is business like we’re building, and it’s like a beautiful, energetic but I have a confident, strong relationship with my inner King, who holds me and then the warrior, actually, believe it or not, is the one that takes the action when we’re looking at it from an archetypal, archetypical lens, when because I’m calling In a really high-level masculine man. I spend 90% of on my feminine energy. But a great example, I’m Are you familiar with human design? Yes, yeah. Okay, so if you’re not familiar with human design, I’m a little busy bee. So there’s a couple called Alex and Laila hermos. Do you know that her Moses? They’re these entrepreneurs. Is, they’re entrepreneurs. They have a business together.

She’s the CEO. And he kind of, like, is, he does, talks, he builds the business, but he shuts himself down. And he like, isn’t like, into team building. I’m into team building. I’m into leadership development. I’m into all of those beautiful things. Therefore the man I desire to attract enjoys that about me. He likes that about me. It doesn’t make me masculine. It makes me appealing to the perfect man. Here’s another example my mother. She’s like, as feminine as they come. She doesn’t cook. Women come to me, they’re like, I don’t know how to cook. I’m like, Just relax. Just order a man from the energetic buffet that loves to serve you and cook for you, and you can be his little sous chef, or do some cock worship in the kitchen. It’s fun. So my mother is the same. She doesn’t cook. My father is a world-renowned chef, Steve LaCount if you want to look him up, and he’s like an amazing masculine man who just happens to be her desire. So it’s like this beautiful relationship with the energetics and flow of both. And when a woman is able to hold 90% in her feminine, holy shit, she becomes magnetic to masculine men. It’s undeniable and she’s confident enough to hold whatever archetype she wants, whether it’s the mother, the CEO, the Vixen, the mermaid, all these beautiful things. I’m all those things, by the way.

Kevin Anthony 41:29
Another thing that you were saying without really saying is that, especially when you’re talking about the different levels of courses that you teach, and people like, wow, you’re not the same person. And you know, one of the master skills, and this is something that my wife used to really work hard at teaching women, and it’s something that I try to help women with too, is the ability to switch whenever they want, in and out of those different energies. Yeah, and that’s one of the biggest problems I see that women have, especially, say, single moms or women who are CEOs out in the business world, they’re in their masculine then they come home to their man. They can’t switch to their feminine.

Aasha T. 42:02
That’s exactly right. So oh my gosh, and it’s like armor. Sometimes I don’t even have that armor anymore. They’re so flowing, but I do remember that place where I would like be working all day, and I, like, couldn’t get out of not with my husband, with I’m I’ve been abstinent for the last three years, but even you still feel the energy at the end of the day, but like now, if I feel even remotely close to like tight in my body, I just stop what I’m doing and do what I want and go to the beach or do self-pleasure practice, because that is actually where I make the most money. That is where I have the most success. And it’s in, believe it or not, that’s when men are the most attracted to come and help me in some way, whether it’s business or whether it’s through courting. So yeah, it’s so amazing, Kevin, because, like, once you see it you really are like, Oh my god, this is I didn’t have to do half the shit that I thought I had to do.

Kevin Anthony 42:56
It is actually a lot more simple than most people realize. But we have over-complicated it like we do everything in this world, to the point where we can’t make heads or tails of it. Okay? I have so many seriously, out of 10 questions that I wrote for this interview, I think I’ve asked you too. So I have a lot of things I want to talk about. We don’t have a lot of time left, and I’m way overdoing my break, so let me just pause for a break. And then there are a couple of highlights I want to make sure that we get in in the remaining time that we have.

All right, are you a couple? Are your relationship and sex life where you want them to be? Are there changes you would like to make, but just don’t know how maybe you think there is nothing that can be done if you are not 100% happy with where your relationship or sex life is then, get help today and change your life. Go to https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/sex-coaching-couples/, don’t worry about the long link. It’s in the description. All you have to do is click on it. Schedule a strategy. Call with me today and we can map out a strategy to get you where you want to be so you can have it all your way. That is https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/sex-coaching-couples/, that link is in the description. Of course, at the end of the show, I will be giving Asha a moment to talk about where you can find her if you like what she is saying, if you like her energy and her vibe, and if you want to work with her, we will give her an opportunity to tell you exactly how you can do that as well. But all of this kind of stuff that we’re talking about and all the things I talk about on the show on a regular basis, shifting these dynamics into a more polarized version that works for you, that is just some of the stuff that we can work on in that coaching environment.

So okay, man, I got so many questions. All right, where? Where do I go? The very first question I asked you was about sort of who you were, right? And we’ve talked a bit about who you are. A question I had on here that I kind of really wanted to talk about was, what was it that made the change for you?

Aasha T. 44:57
Yeah, great question. So my gosh, honestly, like what happened when I saw the push-pull dynamic with me and my husband I had, I was living in Bali, and I saw this couple, and they, it still like, brings tears to my eyes. They were so powerful and magnetic. She was just floating through the world like they had so much wealth. He was an international speaker, and believe it or not, at the time, I was still married, still very masculine, and still trying to save the ocean with Greta instead of self-sporting in my own bedroom. You know, with my husband, I was like, I gotta save the planet, you know? And so such a, such a, actually, really, believe it or not, for a lot of women and avoidance of what’s going on inside their body, and I saw this woman and this man, and they were engulfed in a kiss. They were, they were, they were parents at my son’s school in Indonesia, in Bali, and they were kissing, and it was like, this light was around them, and I was like, Oh my God. Like, took my breath away.

I was staring at them, probably, like, a little awkwardly too, and I was just like, Oh my God. And she hired me. She hired me for confidence coaching. She wanted to be a speaker as well. And I was good at that, right? I was like, really masculinized at the time, and I was like, what is that? And I was like, I want that, and I can still feel the frequency of how serious I was in that moment. And I looked at my husband, and I was like, we’re gonna have that. And then within a year, I was divorced, I lost my house, I lost my job. I got in a car accident. I was sexually assaulted. This was all three years ago. I was then sexually assaulted again. I need to move into my parent’s house. I went homeless so many things in the last three and a half years. And I’ll tell you right now, I knew that I was getting aligned, but I also didn’t. I was like, at any point, I should have stopped, because I was like, What the fuck is happening? I thought I was getting nuts, but what I was really doing was being realigned. And so that moment is really I knew I was here to be like the muse of a powerful man. I just knew it and a conscious man, and I thought that my husband and I were going to take that journey so EQ Really Got Me Started with emotional intelligence.

And then when I realized that I had that man attached to my soul, that’s when things started to the energy realm started getting shown to me. I became a shaman internationally, trauma trained, and then a hypnotherapist and a quantum Light Body activations healer, and I blend all of that with emotional intelligence and a lot of graphs. I make a ton of graphs and visuals. Yeah, try to keep it down to earth, as down to earth as possible. Yeah, yeah. And that’s what started me, a real declaration that I wanted to change, and then I had to trust in God or the divine or whatever, that even through my pain of the loss and the rejection and the abandonment I was picking up skills to teach as well, I please, please teach. If you’re on the fence about teaching or writing a book, please do it. And people need help. So many people need help. And so I was like, I’m going to just devote my life to this and change, change the family unit. I don’t like divorce. My son suffered in that place, and I decided that the next man that I attract will be my divine, beloved and and I believe that it will save my son decades of misalignment. And I believe the impact that I create with my own unit of family is going to inspire others to do the same, and that’s what is my mission.

Kevin Anthony 48:43
All right? Well, that sounds like a wonderful mission.

Aasha T. 48:46
That’s a beautiful one. I know you know it so much too, right? And they say, like, if you want to take down a society, you target the families, and that’s what’s happening right now. And so I’m just in my little slice of life, trying to make it happen, and I desire to reach millions and millions with the power of this work.

Kevin Anthony 49:04
You’re absolutely right. It’s one of the strategies for destroying a country from within, is to destroy the family unit. It’s funny, in the interview that I did last week, the person I was interviewing was asking me some interesting questions about, you know, why do you think, you know, the dynamics are the way they are? And I was like, oh, boy, do we really want to go there, but, but I had to, I had to mention that I believe there has been a very intentional effort to destroy the family unit for multiple reasons. So it’s interesting to hear, hear you share that as well.

Aasha T. 49:40
Yeah, you have such like, we have so many similarities. Yeah, there’s, there’s massive targeting of women. Women are very programmable. We’re about 80 to 90% love. And love is boundless and has no framework. So we are easily targeted, and the masculine responds to us. Us and how targeted we are, and that is intentional. So there’s no one to blame. It’s not the masculine fault. It’s not the feminine fault. It is a it is a highly devised plan to separate us, or the way I like to look at it, a highly devised plan to get us into divine unions.

Kevin Anthony 50:18
And that is what you and I are working on every day, trying to shift more and more people into divine union. For I love that, sure. So, you know, this is actually a great segue to one of the many other questions on my list here, which is, that you mentioned something in the pre-interview call about the dark side of feminism. And this ties directly into this destroying of the family unit thing. I’m wondering if you could share a little bit about what you mean by the dark side of feminism.

Aasha T. 50:48
Oh, I love that question. Oh my gosh. Okay, so this is great. So if you start following me, if you resonate with my work, you’ll see and hear me say, that everything starts in the dark. So even like narcissism, I teach self-love and in the divine actually love looking at themselves and feels really good. Narcissism starts with avoidance and how we treat those closest to us, but when you actually integrate that, you integrate the darkness, you still feel that way about yourself, but you also feel that way about everyone else, right? And the same thing with feminine embodiment. There’s a lot of sort of darker polarity teachings and submission in like a really degrading way. But then you have a feminine embodiment that incorporates power, savagery, and truth. And the same with feminism.

So feminism has a dark underbelly where it’s shutting out men and they’re not really incorporating the feminine embodiment piece. So what does this look like in a tangible example, in a corporate company, they may have used words like toxic masculinity in their human resources department, or they may even do things where they’re like, Okay, be mindful of people’s emotions. No, that’s okay. If I have a father wound and you speak the truth to me, Kevin and you’re my boss and I have a father wound, I’m gonna get hurt no matter what because I have a boo inside my system. So what companies and what people do is they believe that the masculine needs to tone it down, instead of addressing what’s going on inside the feminine system.

Because if you actually said to me, Asha, you’re a piece of shit. I mean, I might be like, Oh, a little shocked, but I’m not gonna make some story up about it. It’s just what’s happening, and that is due to emotional mastery. So when feminine feminism doesn’t do that right now, what they do is they’re kind of creating these women that have blocked their hearts, and they are shutting down their hearts to the masculine, and it is affecting masculine men. Masculine men in the workforce are being pushed out energetically and also, also like literally, and so that is the goal for me, is to blend feminism with because I rock that I love I love women in business. I am a woman in business, and I love the idea of a soft, open heart. It’s actually quite confusing for men and other people. They’re like, what is that? How’s she talking about business, but she feels like a kitten? So I think that when we blend those two things, we’ll see less of the underbelly, in the darkness, in the feminism the feminism program, if you will.

Kevin Anthony 53:43
Yeah, that’s funny. You say it’s confusing to men when it’s like she’s talking about business, but she sounds like feels like a kitten. If I see that from a woman, I go, oh shit, she’s powerful.

Aasha T. 53:55
That’s right, she will always have the most power.

Kevin Anthony 54:00
It’s not the ones that come across as the hardest bitches out there. I’m like, Yeah, whatever you know, but, but if I see you know what you’re doing in business, and you’re somehow and you’re feminine, I’m like, oh shit, oh shit.

Aasha T. 54:13
Watch out your magic. It’s pure magic. And, you know, and I find so many women want that they just like, I’m gonna be real with you. Okay, so here’s another example. When women marry their jobs, when women get married to their jobs, they’re literally like, have they have something covering their crown chakra and the masculine, their ideal masculine can’t smell them because they’re covered by the man at work, and so like they’re married to the man, which is they’re married to their job, and it’s actually affecting the smell and their essence. But women are so afraid to let go that they actually will stifle themselves in that energy. So what I try to do is teach them to keep that open while keeping their job and kicking ass. So I like to open the crown chakra so they can be smelled, be seen, be heard, and still have their job if that’s what they desire to do.

Kevin Anthony 55:16
All right. Well, we are basically out of time, and there are so many more things that I really want to ask you, but exactly, I think we did a pretty good job, though, of talking about the trauma bonds and talking about, you know, how people can create a deeper connection through doing the inner work, through creating polarity, right through, you know, the feminine and the masculine, both, you know, both pieces of that. And so I think if people are really interested in wanting to do more of that work, then they can reach out to you or even myself. But now is really the time for you to tell people where they can find out more about you and your work.

Aasha T. 55:59
Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. And I’m not sure if you can hear the little leaf blower man outside my door, but he’s blowing leaves. Yeah, thank you so much for having me, and thank you to all of the listeners. And I’m so thrilled to connect with anybody who resonates. I have so many little freebies.

Please reach out to me and my team via DMS on Instagram at ASHA, A, A, S, H, A, underscore t, as in titties, underscore E, energy. Well, wait so it’s Asha, underscore t, underscore energy, Asha T energy. And Facebook is my most active profile, and I’ve got about 10,000 followers there. It’s called Asha T, just A A, S, H, A, T, and I’m, you know, you’ll find my page there. I’ve got a great Facebook group called The Lounge. It’s for singles and for people who want and desire this love, purpose, power, and magnetism, divine, power couples, I like to call them, and I have a YouTube channel as well called magnetic frequency, and I’m so excited to work with whoever’s resonating. My paid community is called self-worth warriors. Believe it or not, healing is a path. It’s a ladder, it’s an ascension process. I highly recommend taking self-worth first. Even if you’ve been on the path for 3000 years, you’ve got to really focus on that inward, energetics, and your DNA, and that’s what I do in my program. It’s a 10-week program, and it’s only like $555 for the 10 weeks. And it’s an awesome community. We have about 25 people in there right now. Awesome, awesome. So good. We meet once a week. We have a hypnotherapist as well and a somatics healer who comes and joins us to anchor in the teachings.

Kevin Anthony 57:51
All right. Well, thanks for coming on the show and sharing your knowledge. It was a super fun conversation. As I said, there was so much more that I wanted to get into. I didn’t even get to ask you things like, you know, what is it that deep down inside all women really want? I mean, that was a good one. I wanted to talk about some of the challenges that men and women face in today’s society. And maybe, maybe we’ll do another episode.

Aasha T. 58:17
Well, look, you know, we’re not too far from each other. Maybe I’ll come down. We can do a live one, that would be awesome.

Kevin Anthony 58:22
I would love to do that would be awesome.

Aasha T. 58:24
I know have you done that before I do.

Kevin Anthony 58:26
I have had a few people in the studio. I mean, most of the people I talked to were all over the world, so it doesn’t really make a lot of sense, but for those who are nearby, I love having people in the studio.

Aasha T. 58:35
Yeah, I would love that. That would be so fun.

Kevin Anthony 58:38
We will make that happen. We’ll be in touch.

Aasha T. 58:41
Yeah, you’re awesome. I appreciate you so much. You’ve got such a solid masculine presence. It’s so penetrative. Thank you. Do you know what the hell happened? I just want to let the ladies know what happens after this. As soon as I have an experience with a masculine man, I literally do the work of like 15 people on my soul’s mission. So I’m gonna clean the whole house and I’m gonna get all my shit together. So thank you for the hit.

Kevin Anthony 59:07
You’re welcome. It’s fun.

Well, now you got me, you got me blushing. All right, everybody, that’s all the time I have for this episode, and I will see you next week.

I hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with your friends, and for more free exclusive content, join me in the passion vault at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. Thanks for listening. And remember, as Celine used to say, you’re amazing!