How To Prepare For A Sex Party As A Couple

Kevin Anthony
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, a safe and fun place to get real and learn about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom, and your relationships.

All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 309. It is titled How To Prepare For A Sex Party As A Couple. Celine and I did an episode similar to this in the past, we had a guest on the show, trying to remember her name. Rankin or something I don’t remember exactly. I’ll link it in the description. It’s just a supplemental because I’m going to do something a little different than that show in this one. But there’s great information in that show as well. Keeley Rankin. That was her name. I will link that, of course, in the description for this show. What I really want to talk about on this show is how do you really properly prepare as a couple because it’s very different to prepare as a single person than it is for a couple. And there’s a lot of, I don’t really want to say subtle things, but things that you may not have thought of that are really critically important to the success that you have at a sex party.

And sex parties should always be additive to the relationship, they should never take away from the relationship. So if you are ending up with more problems as a result, then it’s really just not something that you should do. Unfortunately, that is the case for a lot of people who experiment in this world for the first time. So what I’m going to do in this show is try to prepare you as best as I possibly can so that this is a positive experience for both of you so that it adds to your relationship deepens the love spices up your sex life, and above all, does not create any further relationship damage or trauma. All right, how does that sound?

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Okay. So before we get into, like what are the actual things that you should be doing? Let’s talk about why would you want to attend a sex party. I mean, your sex life is doing all right. If you’re a happy couple, why would you potentially want to even attempt to do something that has the potential to trigger the fuck out of both of you? That’s a great question, Kevin. And I’m going to answer it for you. Number one, it is actually a really great way to spice up your sex life. So a lot of people get into sort of a routine, or ruts. I hear this a lot, I see it in comments on my YouTube channel, I get it in emails, he always wants to do or she always wants to do the same thing, it’s always the same position. So is this It’s always that I’m getting tired, blah, blah, blah, right? So this is yet one of many ways that you could potentially spice up your sex life, it’s not the only way. You could try different positions, you could try different places in the house, you could go on vacations to places you know, and have sex in different locations, you could introduce toys, I mean, there are so many things that you could potentially do roleplay.

However, attending a sex party is one of those things that you could potentially do, that would really spice things up. So if you’re looking for something to sort of break out of the monotony, that your sex life has become, then a sex party is something that you might consider. Number two, it is a good environment to explore, you will likely see things or have access to things that sex parties that you haven’t seen before, and that you haven’t had access to before. And so it is potentially a really great environment to explore some things in your sexuality, that maybe you’ve always thought about doing, but haven’t done yet. Didn’t know how to start, didn’t know where to even find this sort of thing. It could be everything from bringing in a third person, even if it’s just to make out with or cuddle with not necessarily even sex. It could be, you know, maybe utilizing some of the equipment that they often would have at a high-quality sex party from Sibian. To who knows what. So there are options there that you might be able to use and explore that you don’t have access to at home.

Number three, it can be highly arousing. So again, I mean, yeah, it’s kind of similar to spicing it up, right? Because one of the things you want to do with spicing it up is like get really turned on, but it’s different in the sense that when I’m saying spice it up, I mean, like, you know, do something different, like put some energy back into the lovemaking. You know, when I talk about highly arousing, I mean, this could be potentially something that is extremely stimulating for one or both parties, hopefully both. So you know, that can be something really fun to add, like a really heightened sense of arousal, maybe that you haven’t had in a long time.

Number four, navigating it properly, will force you to do some relationship-evolving work. Now I put that on the list of positive reasons why you would want to go some of you might be going oh, no, not more relationship work, no, don’t want to do it. If that’s you, then this is probably not the right thing for you. However, there is no way to properly navigate a sex party as a couple without doing some really good work, which I’m going to talk about, I have a whole section in this show about that work specifically. But all of that work that you’re going to do is potentially strengthening your relationship, deepening the bond between the two of you, and really evolving the relationship as a whole. So it can have tremendous positive benefits. It really can and I have seen it. I’ve experienced it firsthand. So I know that it is possible.

So those are some reasons. I’m sure many others could come up with other reasons why you might want to attend. But just kind of keeping it to the basics. You know, it could spice things up. It’s a good environment to explore. It can be highly arousing and it can really force you to do some much needed. Work on your relationship that evolves your relationship in a positive way. Okay, having said that, there are potential downsides, as there are to most things, we don’t want to neglect them or pretend that they don’t exist and say, Oh, it’s all just great, and it’s all butterflies and rainbows, and it’s gonna be an amazing experience, and everybody’s gonna have the best sex of their life, and everybody should go do it. Well, that’s just not the reality. So let’s be real about the potential downsides.

Number one, jealousy are the most obvious one, you or your partner might experience some pretty strong jealousy when in that environment. Jealousy can be extremely toxic to a relationship, especially if not handled properly. So that is something that you want to be aware of that this can be a highly triggering experience, and don’t take it lightly. Number two, you could potentially do real harm to the relationship in this environment. Say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing. You know, trigger your partner. Break a boundary. There are lots of things that could potentially go wrong if you’re not being really conscious about this experience. And those things could do real significant, harm lasting harm to your relationship. And that is, honestly the absolute last thing that you want to happen. And then number three, of course, there is the potential for STIs, especially if interacting with others. So those are some potential downsides. Number one, and number two, probably being the most likely downsides that you would run into. But that, of course, depends on, you know, your choices for that particular party. So I don’t really want to focus too much on the downsides. But I did want to mention them. And I did want to make sure that everybody’s aware that they exist.

Okay. So we’ve gone over why you might want to do it, we’ve gone over what the potential downsides are. Now, let’s talk about how do you prep for this. And I’ve got three main sections for how to prep. The first one has to do with choosing your party slash container wisely. So what do I mean by that? Well, not all sex parties slash containers are created equal. Now notice I’m using the verbiage of a sex party/container. Because to have a proper sex party, there has to be a container created, the people running this need to create a safe space for the events to happen, where everybody feels safe, everybody feels comfortable, and everybody feels respected. It’s both physically safe and emotionally safe, right? Energetically safe. That is really important. And they absolutely vary based on who is holding them.

So I would suggest that you don’t just go, oh, there’s a second party and just go like, who’s actually running it? Do you know these people? Do you know people who know these people? Is there a reputation? You know, could you go online and potentially read reviews of what other people have said about these particular parties? Go do some research. And make sure that you choose wisely choose a place a group, whoever it is that’s running it, that really knows how to do it well, and has had good feedback from past participants. One way that you can do that, of course, is word of mouth. So talk to people and say hey, have you ever been to a sex party? Really? Where at? What did you think of it? What did you think of the people who ran it? What was your experience like? Right? One of the things that both myself and Céline have always, always really strived to do on this show was to talk openly and normally about sex and all things sex-related. One of the biggest problems that we had seen in our work and I still continue to see To this day in the work that I do, is people don’t talk openly enough about sex about sexual desire, about, you know, anything revolving around sex. And when you don’t talk openly about it, then you don’t have an opportunity to share your deepest desires or to, you know, learn more about it from other people’s experiences, like it’s so important that we normalize sex.

Because otherwise, we start by thinking all kinds of crazy things, and our monkey mind runs wild, right? And we’re like, well, it must mean this, or it must be like that, or, you know, this is this is basically what happens when we’re children, right? And we don’t have good sex education, and we hear things, word of mouth, or we get it from porn, or wherever we get it from. And then we end up with all these misconceptions. So talking openly about sex really, really helps you learn about it and get good information. And by doing so, you just may actually learn things like, Hey, here’s a really great safe environment, where they hold these regular sex parties, and we’ve been to them, and they’ve been amazing. And here’s how they’ve helped our relationship. And had you not struck up that conversation with your friends over dinner, you would have never known about it. So word of mouth is great. All right, number three, look for a container with strong leadership and boundaries. This is so so so important. This is honestly true of any event, but especially true of a second-party event, you really have to make sure that whoever is running this event is a strong leader and sets really good boundaries. Absolutely. Just imperative that that happens. And I have seen some sex parties really go off the rails because they really lacked strong leadership and strong boundaries. So that’s absolutely something you want to look for.

Number four, the container should be set before the sex starts. So this is all under the Choose your party container wisely. So these are some things to look for. Right. So choose a really good container, you know, use word of mouth, if you can look for a container with strong leadership and boundaries. And one of the things that you should notice here and number four is that when you actually go to the event, just like everybody just show up, and they’re kind of mingling around, and then all of a sudden, some SEC starts over here over there, but there’s no actual setting of container. That is a red flag doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not going to be a good container. But it’s often a red flag, there should be at least someone saying, Okay, before we get started, here are the rules, here’s how it’s going to go, here’s who you can see if you need help, right? That that sort of thing, this should be a healthy container established.

Now, in the communities that Céline And I have participated in for years, you know, our community was fantastic about setting these containers. So much so that sometimes this container setting would take so long people would be like falling asleep listening to, you know, the whole container being set. Sometimes it went a little too far. But I always appreciated the fact that they took the time to really clearly lay out the boundaries and create the container. So everybody knew exactly what was up. Number five, the rules should be clear, really clear, and easy to understand, here’s what’s acceptable in the space, here’s what’s not acceptable in the space, under the guise of what’s acceptable in the space, then everything else is up to you as to whether or not you want to participate in it or not. So, yeah, rules should be really clear and easy to understand and made upfront. Number six, help should be available during the event, if it’s just a big free for all and there’s nobody there to help or support you if you need something or if something goes wrong or if somebody’s misbehaving in the space. That is not a good sign. And that is not a good container. So that is something you should also look for.

And lastly, privacy is a must. These are very sensitive events as far as being vulnerable and open and you know, they can have negative repercussions on your work, other family relationships, things like that. So the container that’s created needs to make privacy, a really important part of the container. And that should be stated upfront so that everybody is aware. So that’s sort of the first section, which is choosing your party slash container wisely, the better job you do at choosing a good container, the better you set yourself up for success in the actual party, it’s going to be hard enough navigating this for the first time with you and your partner. Even if you have a good container, now imagine you have a very sloppy loose container with bad behavior going on, and you’re trying to navigate your relationship. In that moment, it’s going to be even more difficult. So choose your party wisely.

This brings me to kind of the main sort of bulk of the content here today, which is, you know, the things that you as a couple can actually do to prep for this event, things that you can do to set yourself up for success. So the title of the second section here is prep starts long before the actual party. This isn’t the sort of thing that you’re like, Oh, the party starts at eight, and it’s six o’clock. Let’s start getting ready. No, no, you should be doing some of the things on this list as long before that moment comes. So what am I talking about here? Number one, start having talked with your partner at least a few days before, if not even sooner. So what do I mean by that? Well first of all, if you’ve never been to one, but even if you have been to one before, there are things that you want to make sure you’re really clear about with your partner before you go. And what you don’t want to do is like, again, at 6 pm, you’re starting to shower and get dressed and you know, get ready to go, you don’t want to be like, Hey, let’s chat real quick about the party.

Because something that comes up, may be triggering, or may require a deeper discussion. And now you don’t have time to do it. Because you’re like, Wow, we got to hurry up, we got to do the thing. And we got to get out the door and we got to whatever, you know, you don’t want to feel rushed. You don’t want to skip over parts of this, it’s very important that you have a really good discussion about this. And I’m going to talk about in the next couple of things, what are the types of things you want to have in that discussion. But for the point here, and number one, I just want you to know these discussions need to be had way before the party several days, maybe a week before, and they should be ongoing as well if they need to be. So that brings me to number two, which is to talk about why each of you wants to go this is really important, really important. And like, it’s not just because I’ve always wanted to go to a sex party. It’s not just because I want to watch other people have sex. It’s not just because I want to spice up the relationship, like really sit down for yourself, each of you in the couple. I think about why do I want to do this, your why is critically important, right?

And there might be deeper layers of your why than just the very first thing that pops up on the surface. So each of you really needs to think about why is it that you want to engage in this experience. And then you need to share that with each other and talk about it, you might have the same y and you might have different y’s, right? And so it’s really important to know that because if you think that you’re going that the two of you are going for one reason. And it turns out your partner wants to go for a completely different reason that could impact how you experience this. So it’s really important to make sure that you talk with each other and you share your why’s, why do we want to go?

I want to go because I love being in a sex-positive environment. I want to go because there are things I want to experience that I’ve never experienced before and it means a lot to me as part of my evolution as a human or my sexuality to experience those things. I want to go because I want to deepen the connection with you in a way that maybe we can’t do otherwise. I want to go because I want to have just a fun light-hearted experience. I want to go because you You know, we want to interact with others, sexually. Like there’s, there’s a lot of reasons, get really honest with yourself about why it is you want to go. It could simply be, I like to be a voyeur. And I really just want to go because I want to watch what’s happening. In most play parties, the sacred voyeur is perfectly okay, as long as you’re not lurking or being weird or cringy about it or anything like that. So get really clear about why each one of you wants to go. And similar to that, you know, I have it still as part of number two, it might be slightly different, but it’s what are your intentions? What are your intentions for this? Why do you want to go? What are your intentions, very, very important to discuss these things way ahead of time and make sure that you’re in agreement. Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to have the exact same intentions just means that you have to be okay with your partner’s intentions, and they have to be okay with yours. You can have completely different reasons for why you want to go as long as you both understand what each other’s reasons are. And you’re okay with those reasons. So that is really, really important.

Okay, the next big discussion that you really need to have if you want to have a successful sex party experience. Number three, clearly discuss each other’s boundaries. I’m going to say it again, clearly discuss each other’s boundaries. Okay. Hopefully, you got that. This is huge and critically important. Way too many assumptions get made about what is okay, what is not okay, what somebody likes, what they don’t like, what they want to experience in that moment, and what they don’t want to experience. You cannot leave these things up to chance when you are in the moment, you have to discuss them ahead of time. So I might say something like all right, I have a boundary around us having actual penetrative sex with anybody else. So maybe we are open to some light play some mouse hands touching but penetrative sex is off the table, that’s important to know, I might have a boundary around maybe BDSM stuff, right? Whatever it is, you have to know exactly what it is that you do want and that you don’t want that you’re okay with and that you are not okay with. And this goes for both parties in the couple. And you got to compare your lists, because they may indeed be different.

And if one person’s like, well, I’m perfectly okay with penetrative sex, and the other person’s like, Well, I’m not. That’s a discussion you need to have. And you need to come to some sort of an agreement on what’s going to happen. And I, you know, strongly suggest that just using that as one example, if one partner is a yes to it, and the other one’s a no, then the couple is a no. And that’s really important. Because the problem is, is if one person’s a yes, and one person says no, and the couple becomes a yes, then somebody is compromising in a way that could potentially really create damage and trauma later on. And that’s absolutely what we don’t want to do. That’s what we’re trying to avoid by really learning how to do this properly. So, you know, you’ve probably heard many times yes, means yes, no means no. And maybe means no, it’s sort of classic consent theory there. So it’s kind of the same thing here. If you’re talking about what your boundaries are, and somebody wants a boundary that’s way looser, and the other person doesn’t, you’ve got to default to the more restrictive boundary to keep everybody feeling safe. And to not, you know, overstep any boundaries and do damage that you can’t undo later on. And even if you could undo it, you still don’t want to add that damage to the relationship. So clearly, discussing each other’s boundaries is super, super important.

Now, once you know what the boundaries are, then you can actually go into discussing what we call our mildest and wildest. So what does that mean? Well, okay, within the boundaries that you’ve created, let’s say you have created a boundary of, you know, we can go to the sex party, we’re going to get naked, we’re going to have sex in front of other people. And we are open up to the point of bringing somebody else in to maybe do oral sex. And or hands or kissing or whatever, but no penetrative sex, let’s just say that is your container, that is the boundaries that you have created for interacting and being in this environment, which already is much further than, than most couples are willing to go, especially in the beginning of their, their journey with, you know, sex parties.

But let’s just say that’s what it is. Now, within that, you would want to talk about, hey, when we go there, here’s like the mildest thing I would like to experience. And here’s like, the craziest thing I’d like to experience. So given that container, you might say, the mildest thing that I would like to get out of experiencing this with you is, we go to the party, we actually get naked in front of people. And we actually make love just the two of us together. But we actually do that, because that, in itself is challenging for a lot of people. And a lot of men actually have trouble achieving an erection and, or lasting long in that environment, because it’s highly stimulating. There’s a lot of pressure to perform, and how does it look, and people are watching and all that. So that might be your mildest right there, which is, if we, if we just experienced that, it would be amazing, right?

Now, you might want to talk about your wildest and what is potentially your wildest. Okay, the wildest thing that I am willing to explore in this event is, that we do invite a third party in, you can decide it’s either a male, or it’s a female, or it doesn’t matter. And, you know, we ended up giving each other oral sex in some way. That might be your wildest thing. But it’s important to know, you know, what those are. So there’s the overall boundary. And then there’s a, you know, within that container that you’ve created for your couple, you know, what is the mildest wants and then compare notes with each other like, okay, would I be okay with your wildest? Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn’t, you know, would we both be even okay with the mildest, and is my mild, mild, mild disc the same as your mildest, right? So those are really great things that you should be discussing, again, days before you go to this particular sex party.

So as you can tell, a lot of this is really talking and getting really clear with your partner about everything. And you might actually learn some things that you didn’t know, when you have these discussions, you might be like, Oh, my, I never knew that you actually liked that, or I never knew that was something that you wanted to experience. So if you went through this exercise, and never even went to the sex party, you have still learned things about your partner and potentially deepened your connection. And, you know, figured out some things that maybe you could even do on your own that you never thought of doing before. So that in itself is already valuable. But there’s more. So I’ve got a few more things here. And then I’ve got some things to do the actual night of the party.

Before I get into those, though, we’re about halfway through the show. So I need to pause for a break. Are you a couple are your relationship and sex life where you want them to be? Are there changes you would like to make but just don’t know how maybe you think there’s nothing that can be done. If you’re not 100% happy with where your relationship or sex life is, then get help today and change your life. Go to https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/sex-coaching-couples/, and schedule a strategy call with me today. So we can map out a strategy to get you where you want to be. So you can have it all your way. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/sex-coaching-couples/ and book your strategy call today, the link is in the description.

Don’t worry about that. It’s a long link, you just gotta go down there and either click on it or copy and paste it. You know, I have been seeing more responses from couples seeking out my work lately. And that makes me very happy. I’m really happy to see couples together working on their sex, love, and relationship. That is amazing. When you work on it together that is the way you can make the most progress the fastest because you’re both actively working on it together in ways that support each other. So that is amazing. And that makes me happy to see. And I’m still seeing and talking to a lot of couples who are unsure whether or not they want to invest the time, energy and money that it takes to go through The program, and all I can say to you is, in my personal opinion, the person that you’ve chosen to spend your life with your partner, the person you spend the most time with and have the deepest connection with, if they are not worthy of giving it everything, you’ve got to be the best that it can actually be, then I don’t really know what to tell you. Because in my world, the way I see things, your partner is absolutely the most important thing, and so worth whatever it takes.

So if your relationship is not really where you want it to be, if there are communication problems, if there are anger problems, if they’re resentment problems, if there are, you know, past offenses, that that you haven’t been able to move past such as cheating, or maybe your relationship is great, and you love each other, but, but the sex just isn’t there anymore. And you know, you’re not turned on like you used to be, and you’re not having the great sex that you used to have, but you remember it and you want that back again, maybe you finally finished raising the kids and you have more time, whatever it is, as a couple, you really, there’s no, there’s nothing more important than making sure that your relationship and your sex life are the best that they can be. And I personally would be willing to spend whatever it takes in time, energy, and money to make that happen. So that’s what I say to all the couples out there. I know this was a much longer commercial than usual. But I just get really excited and pumped about it. And when I talk to couples and I, I see where they’re at, and I hear, you know, the things that they say, I just needed to make that point. So alright, enough about that https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/sex-coaching-couples/.

All right. Number five on the list as we’re getting back to the prep that starts long before the actual sex party. So far, we’ve talked about having talks with your partner at least a few days beforehand, talking to him about your why for why each of you wants to go What are your intentions, you’re clearly discussing boundaries and you’re clearly discussing your mildest and wildest. Number five is to reassure each other that either of you can call it quits at any time during the party. So this is really important also. This goes for threesomes by the way, as well. or really anything when it comes to sex, like let’s say you agree to do some new crazy sex thing, I don’t really I can’t even think of what it is. And then we’re going to experiment with BDSM. Or it doesn’t even have to be anything that challenging. But the idea is, is that any partner at any moment can simply say, I’m not comfortable with this and where it’s going, and I need to stop. And both of you have to agree to stop. So this is really important.

When it comes to a sex party remember, and I’ve done whole shows on this to this idea that when you’re a couple, you have to work together as a team, right? And a team always works for the best interest of the team. So no matter how much you want that thing that you saw somebody else doing at the sex party, or that you started to engage in yourself, no matter how much you want that if your partner is challenged by it, and doesn’t want that or needs to call a pause or a timeout or whatever, then you have to respect that. So it’s important beforehand to reinsure your partner and say, Look, no matter what happens at any moment, if you say, we need to stop, or we need to leave, that either of us can call that at any moment, that is really, really important. As part of that, you might want to consider number six, which is using a safe word. Now this is something that comes out of the BDS BDSM community, but it can work in this particular situation as well. So you know, rather than in the middle of whatever’s going on at the sex party, you’re like, this is freaking me out like we need to go.

Especially if you’re in the middle of interacting, say with a third party, you might just have a safe word. And when that safe word is said both of you know, okay, we need to politely wrap up what’s happening here. And, you know, take in an agreed upon course of action, which might be we just stop what we’re doing. It might mean we need to stop and reconnect with each other. It might mean we need to stop and literally leave. So consider using a safe word. Obviously, it needs to be some obscure word that would never come up in any other situation. That’s sort of a key part of a safe word. But it also has to be One thing that you’ll remember so that you can use it when you need to.

Number seven, here’s one that people don’t necessarily think about when prepping before a sex party. But if you plan to play with others, make sure that you get your STI tests done early enough in advance to have the test results back before you go to the party. So, you know, if you’re not getting tested regularly, and you don’t have a relatively recent test, and you’re going to go to a play party, and you think that you might want to interact with somebody else, then you should have current STI test results.

In a party where people are highly conscious and understand how to navigate these things in a very mature way. If you bring somebody into your couple that you’re going to play with, one of the first things you should do is have a discussion about STI status. So you know, hey, you’re really hot. We’ve watched you for a while in the room, and we’d like to invite you in to play with us. And just so you know, here is what we would like out of the interaction, here’s our boundaries. Here’s our STI status. Here’s the last time we were tested, here’s what we liked. Here’s what we don’t like, you don’t have to make a huge deal out of it doesn’thave to turn into a 30-minute discussion.

But it’s really important that you say these things up front. That also gives the other person the opportunity to go, oh, okay, great. Here’s my STD I status. And here’s what I like and what I don’t like. And here’s what I’m willing to do and what I’m not willing to do, right? So you get to have all of that upfront. So that is something you need to think about and plan ahead to have done because those tests are not immediate, they usually take at least a few days, if not a week or so to get the results back. And number eight, success at the party depends on how well you do all of the prep that I just talked about for the last 40 minutes. If you do all that prep really well. While there are no guarantees, the chances of you having a successful sex party experience that brings both of you closer together, deepens your connection creates more love and more sexual excitement and stimulation and satisfaction, those chances are greatly increased. So it’s really important to do it properly.

I have really seen some disasters with couples going to sex parties that took a lot of time and work to unwind. And you just don’t want to do that. You just don’t want to do that when it could so easily be avoided by prepping properly. Now you might go through some of this prep, and find out, you know what, the idea sounded great until we sat down and prepped it. And now we think we’re not ready for it. Or it’s not even something that we want to do in the future. And that’s perfectly okay, you have still deepened your connection, learned something about your partner, and avoided something that could have caused more problems in your relationship. So super important to do all of that prep, I have one last section for you a little bit shorter, because honestly, most of the prep is upfront. But in the third section, here is the actual night of the party, there are some things that you want to do as well. So let’s say you’ve done all of that stuff up front as you should, right? And it’s been a few days since you’ve had all your discussions and you’ve done all the prep.

Now it’s the night of a couple of things you want to do. Number one, check in again with each other, something might have changed. You had the discussion three days ago. Now it’s the night of all of a sudden there is a lot of nervousness, there’s some jitters and you might go I know I said that I’d be okay with this. But I’m changing my mind. That’s perfectly okay. There is nothing wrong with that and do not feel guilty for that. But you would not know that that happened. If you didn’t check in again, at the last minute. It doesn’t have to be nearly as long or as involved as the discussions that you had previously. But at least it’s just say, Hey, I know the party is in a couple of hours. Just want to check in real quick. We’ve done all the discussions in prep. Do you still feel okay with everything that we’ve talked about? Right and then do I still feel okay with that? Is there are there any changes we need to make right now before we actually get there? So that is something important do number two, of course, groom appropriately. So you want to make sure that you are clean and ready for any types of interactions that you might want to have. That’s kind of an easy one.

Number three, make sure that you bring the supplies that you need. This is something people don’t necessarily think about ahead of time, don’t expect the party to provide you with everything that you need if you really want to be comfortable. And, you know, especially if you have any sort of special or interesting needs, as some people do. So you want to make sure that you bring protection, right, either for yourselves if you’re using it in your relationship, or if you intend to play with other people, obviously, protection could be condoms, it could be female condoms, it could be, you know, some sort of spermicidal lube, if pregnancy is an issue, like whatever it is, whatever your chosen type of protection is, lube, if you need it, towels, pillows, water, snacks, all of these things to make the experience as good and comfortable as it can be. I often tell the men like, you know, this is kind of your department is to make sure that this is all taken care of as sort of the man and you’re in the provider role. I think she wants to really know that you’ve thought about everything and that you’ve, you’ve made sure that you’ve taken care of it and packed it so that she can have the best, most comfortable, and enjoyable experience. And if as a man, you know, you want her to want to do these things more often.

You got to make it a good experience for her and that goes with anything. If you want to take her hiking, you better make it a good experience. What does that mean? You better make sure she has good hiking shoes and Poles if she needs them, you want to make sure that she has enough water, you want to make sure that she has snacks, a hat sun protection, like Yeah, granted, she’s an adult, she can think about these things too. But maybe she doesn’t hike very often right, and you want to try to get her into hiking, maybe she doesn’t know how to pack all of these things. You want to make sure that you make the experience as good as you possibly can for her so that she will have a good time and she’ll want to do it again. Same goes here, guys. Make sure that you are doing that and making sure that you guys have everything that you need to make this a great experience.

Number four, when you arrive, continue to reshare it reassure each other and stay together. Why am I putting this on here again? Well, because everything changes, when you walk into that room, you walk into that room you’ve never been to a sex party before in your mind is great, all of a sudden you walk in. And there are people that you don’t know, maybe some of them are really hot and sexy, and maybe some of them really aren’t. Like whatever’s going on. Like you walk into that room and suddenly it’s real. Right? And anxiety can happen spontaneously in the moment. So when you arrive, make sure you continue to reassure each other that we’re here together, we are a team, we have set a really rock solid foundation. So we are going to be just fine. Number five, don’t call an audible in the middle of the game. Do not do this do not do this sort of thing ain’t my bag, baby. Good. Good. I’m glad it’s not your bag. Do not call an audible in the middle of the game. What do I mean by that? You’ve already agreed to what the boundaries are and what the mildest and wildest are before you got there. Don’t suddenly in the middle, you’re interacting with somebody, right? And you look at your partner and go. I know I said, you know, I didn’t want to do this. But you know, I’m just really attracted to this person. Can we change the rules right now?

No matter how much you want to change the rules, don’t do it. Why? Because it puts your partner on the spot and puts pressure on them to do something that they may not necessarily want to do. And because they feel pressured in that moment, they might agree to something that they will regret later on. So it’s really important that you don’t call an audible in the middle of the game. Just it’s it’s one of the worst behaviors that I have seen happen way too many times. At events like this. If you do your prep properly in the beginning, this shouldn’t be an issue. However, as I said, I’ve seen it happen a lot of times and it causes a lot of problems. Just stick to whatever you have agreed to.

All right. And then lastly, this isn’t in the prep category. This is really in the aftercare category, which probably could be an entire show in and of itself. But, you know, the title of this episode is how to prepare for a sex party. So I didn’t really want to focus too much on, you know, the after-sex party care stuff, maybe I’ll do another episode on that. And I’ll comment on this one, if you’re watching it on YouTube, or, you know, if you’re listening to it on Spotify or Apple podcasts, use the email that’s in the description, to send me an email if you want me to do a show on like, how to do sex party aftercare. But all I really wanted to say here in this moment was after the party, please make sure that you check in with each other. And in that check in how was that for you? What did you like? What did you not like? You know, what would you be willing to do again? What do you never want to do? Again, right? Really check in? Is there anything that you need? As a result of having been to this event? Is there something you need for me, right? Is there something that I can do for you? Do you need extra nurturing, extra caring? Like, what is it something you need to talk about to get off your chest, whatever it is, please, please, please do another check-in afterward.

And really do whatever you and or your partner need to nurture your connection and your relationship, which should always always always be the number one priority. All right, so there you go. That is my take on how to prepare for sex party as a couple. Again, they can be wonderful experiences, they can be absolutely traumatic experiences. The difference really is how you prepare for it, and how you show up in the moment for it. So if you’ve ever thought as a couple of potentially doing this, please, please, please listen to this again. Make notes if you have to do the prep properly, because I would love to see you have a beautiful, wonderful additive experience, not a terrible one that creates more trauma. So I hope that this was helpful. Again, let me know if you want me to do any other podcasts or even YouTube videos on sex parties, how to navigate them, or aftercare, which is a big topic. And I will go ahead and do those. All right, everybody. That’s all the time I have for this episode. And I will see you next week.

I hope you like this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends. And for more free exclusive content. Join me in the Passion Vault at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. Thanks for listening. And remember, as Céline used to say you’re amazing!