14 Qualities of a Good Lover

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
All right, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 162. And it’s called 14 qualities of a good lover. So this is a question that comes up from time to time is like, what does it mean to be a good lover or great lover? Like what does that really mean? And you’ll get a lot of different answers. People will say, Oh, it’s somebody that can perform really well, you know, somebody that last long or somebody that this or that.

Kevin Anthony 0:56
But honestly, it’s a whole lot more than just your physical performance. So we wanted today to give you a fairly comprehensive list, yes, with all our list is doesn’t mean that there’s nothing else you could ever put on there. But our lists usually come from a combination of research and our own personal experience working with people and what we think really works and what doesn’t work.

Kevin Anthony 1:24
So we have a list of 14 qualities of a good lover, some of them might be obvious, some of them will probably surprise you. And here’s the thing, your goal, when listening to this list is to see how many of these you can check off. So imagine you got a checklist here. And it’s like an evaluation of yourself and you’re like, check out that one, check out that one like, Oh, shit, no one got that one, right.

Kevin Anthony 1:51
Because of any of these that you do not possess, you might want to consider learning. Maybe jobs, maybe, I mean, if you want to be a good lover, I know there are some people out there that don’t really care about being a good lover. And if that’s you, then this isn’t the show for you. But for the rest of us, I have always cared. Since the very first time I ever had sex. I was like, I want to be good at this. I’m like, now that performance wasn’t very good.

Kevin Anthony 2:23
How can I get better, always, since I was 15 years old? So if you’re like that, and you’re still wanting to get better, even if you’re in your 50s 60s 70s 80s, whatever, you know, if you really want to do a good job, then you should learn to embody as many of these as possible.

Céline Remy 2:42
And one great thing about when it comes to sexuality is I don’t think you ever reach a point where that’s it. There’s basically always something else to learn, you’re places to go to, places to surrender to, we’ll talk about that. And there’s not an end destination. And when you make your sexuality, more about the journey, rather than the destination,

Céline Remy 3:11
So who you are becoming in the process, the process of lovemaking rather than the goal and goal that is the orgasm, changes the quality of your intimacy, relationships, and sexuality. Therefore, this is why we’re focusing on the qualities and I know, most people want to have the button to push the tongue move or hand move and we’ve got some episodes on that.

Céline Remy 3:40
To help you fingering going down oral hand jobs. I mean, we’ve covered lots of those things. But today is not so much the focus into the move, because if it was that easy, people would do them and know them.

Kevin Anthony 3:56
Everybody would be a great lover if it was just about hey, you know, do this little tongue move here like

Céline Remy 4:04
anyway, before we get started, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor’s power and mastery. So if you want to join this secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power in mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Wherever you want to have harder erections and lasts longer or increase your sexual skills to become a fantastic lover. There is something for you at power and mastery.com.

Kevin Anthony 4:33
All right, so our list is 14 traits. Some of this list, a fair amount of this list comes from a book called 10 qualities of a good lover from the

Céline Remy 4:48
The Ecstasy of surrender by Dr. Judith Orloff.

Kevin Anthony 4:52
Thank you actually, the book is titled the ecstasy of surrender right. And then part of that is 10 qualities of a good lover. So We’re gonna use a little bit of that because actually, it’s a great list. I mean that that’s honestly the reason why, you know, a lot of times, we do research on stuff, and you get out on the internet and you start looking at things, actually, we have a fairly extensive library of books on sexuality, too.

Kevin Anthony 5:15
So sometimes we’ll go consult the books. Other times, we’ll do research on the internet. And a lot of the time, I’m rather disappointed with the information that’s out there. And we just end up writing our own. That’s where I would say the majority of our content literally just comes from our heads in our personal experience. But every now and then we come across stuff that we’re like, oh, yeah, they really nailed it. And I really liked this list. So you want to start with number one.

Céline Remy 5:42
Number one, that quality that makes you a good lover is that you are willing to learn?

Kevin Anthony 5:49
Yeah, I mean, this is huge. If you show up to any sexual relationship, thinking you know it all already, and I don’t care how old you are. I don’t care how many lovers you’ve had. I’ve slept with 5000 women, it doesn’t make you good. It doesn’t make you good. And it’s really interesting because you’ll see that too, like, you know, I don’t want to name any names, but there are professionals out there, you know, maybe they’re porn stars, or whatever.

Kevin Anthony 6:15
And they’re like, I am an expert on lovemaking because I’ve had sex with X number of 1000s of women. Yeah, but it was porn women, which isn’t even real sex. You know? Interestingly enough, you know, obviously, we did do, how to have sex like a porn star. And in that episode, I do believe he actually does know what he’s talking about.

Céline Remy 6:37
Eric Everhard was our porn star. And I think he does know, it’s not just had sex with from large 1000s of women. I think he learned because he had that quality that he was willing to learn. And he was paying attention to the woman.

Kevin Anthony 6:53
Yeah. And he distinguished between porn, sex, and real sex. So I’m not I’m not singling him out. But there are others out there who are like, Oh, yeah, you know, you see it all over, you probably get it in your spam folder every day in your email. But that doesn’t make you good. You have to be willing to have an open mind. It’s like they say, in martial arts, you always have the beginner’s mind.

Céline Remy 7:15
And that applies to every area in your life. Because when it comes to relationships, there’s a mistake of set it and forget it. It doesn’t work. That way the relationship is is like a plant, you have to feed it, you have to nurture it for it to thrive. We do evolve and change who we are, who the relationship is how we show up.

Céline Remy 7:39
And if you not having this beginner’s mind, which is this willingness to learn, then you are not going to thrive in your life and in your relationship. So this quality number one is, I believe, one of the most essential traits you could develop if you want to have a happy life.

Kevin Anthony 8:00
Absolutely. All right, number two on the list, you’re playful and passionate, you know, sex is supposed to be fun.

Céline Remy 8:11
And a lot of people forget it because it becomes this place of anxiety, of the pressure of performance. And when you forget the quality of playfulness, and passion, honestly, sex sucks.

Kevin Anthony 8:30
It really does. Yeah, well, so you know, just like we mentioned, number one, you know, has a beginner’s mind. You know, always keep that sort of playfulness about it. This is fun. This is like, you know, this isn’t another task to do on your list. This isn’t another chore that has to be done. This is actually your playtime. Right. And if you combine that playfulness, with passion, then it starts to get really, really good. I know I make these music analogies all the time.

Kevin Anthony 9:00
So like hesitate to do it again. But I’m gonna do it again. Anyway. It’s that element of passion. And I will say even playfulness. You know, in music when it comes to doing any sort of improvising or soloing. playfulness is important. There are tons of people that know I know this exact mode or this exact scale, and I’m just gonna go through it. And you’re like, Okay, but great musicians are all over.

Kevin Anthony 9:28
They’re inside. They’re outside. They’re everywhere because they’re just being playful with it. And then if you have the passion behind it,

Céline Remy 9:35
oh nice inside and outside, like what are they doing there?

Kevin Anthony 9:39
Well, you know it is a music and sex analogies inside the scale and outside the scale,

Céline Remy 9:49
that in and out motion. That’s not what you were talking about.

Kevin Anthony 9:53
No, no, no. Anyway, it’s important that you be playful with your lovemaking in your sexuality and that you be passionate.

Céline Remy 10:03
And you know, there’s this misconception to that you ever have a passion or you don’t. But passion is something you create every day. If you’ve been listening to the love lab for a while, you know that we say that a lot. You don’t have to be in the mood, you create the mood. And with passion, it’s, do you put on the glasses that show appreciation for your partner? Do you focus on all the things that turn you on about your partner? Do you share that out loud? This is going to cultivate a passion?

Céline Remy 10:33
Or are you focusing on all the things that you despise, and they’re not doing right? This is not going to help you focus on staying playful and passionate, and passionate. And playfulness is not just limited again to the bedroom. This is essential. I see it for myself. When I’m more relaxed, I tend to have more creativity, when I have more creativity, I feel hornier, it’s all connected, it’s the same energy.

Céline Remy 10:58
So if you feel like you are bone dry, and there’s nothing left, then you need to learn to relax, to de-stress, and to refocus on what truly matters. Let’s move to our number three, you make your partner feel sexy.

Kevin Anthony 11:15
Yeah, and this is super important. It’s not just all about you. You want your partner to also feel sexy. And it goes both ways. Whether it’s a man to a woman or a woman to a man, you want to, you know, let your partner know that they look sexy, or something that they did was very sexy, it’s important, it helps them get into that playful and passionate mood that we were talking about. You don’t want to be like a fat bastard from Austin Powers. Right? And he goes, I was great. You were crap.

Céline Remy 11:50
Eye fat bastard. No, no, sorry, no inspire

Kevin Anthony 11:55
your partner.

Céline Remy 11:57
You know, when it comes to making the partner feel sexy, a lot of people think about it from like, he helps her feel sexy, because oftentimes women will feel insecure, will need some validation to be appreciated and seen for their beauty and also for their intelligence. I’ve already do appreciate that part of the beauty part. But it is my experience that men are the ones that just as much as women, it’s different in how it shows up for them.

Céline Remy 11:57
And so when you appreciate a woman for her sexiness for her beauty, she will feel seen, she will feel appreciated, she will love you more, she’ll open up step into her confidence and increase her self esteem. So there’s a lot of good things. When you do that for a man, it doesn’t. It works similarly, in Latin, yet, it’s a little different. Because I think for a woman, it’s a lot like oxygen like she really needs it.

Céline Remy 12:52
Maybe a guy doesn’t need it until he has it. And then he’s like, oh, I really want this if I feel so good to be appreciated. And it is the same that it will increase a man’s confidence, and a man’s willingness to do more for you to show up to be a better man. So the more you can appreciate a man and help him step into his own power and sex ness, masculine power, all know all of that, the more you’re also going to be attracted to him. And the better you have sex.

Kevin Anthony 13:25
Yeah, the big one there with men is really going to help their confidence. And one of the biggest things that we see when working with men trying to help them last longer or be better lovers is that they lack confidence. So anything that can help there is good. All right. Before, speaking of confidence, you’re confident, not afraid to be vulnerable.

Céline Remy 13:48
This is a big one. Because when people think about confidence, sometimes they associate more like cockiness, especially the masculine, they go like, Oh, that’s the confidence that’s cockiness, but it’s now prudence or confidence. Yes, that is another one, which is a great book to read if you ever want to dive into that.

Céline Remy 14:10
But confidence is that you know who you are, and you’re not afraid to be seen both in your strength and in your weaknesses. So you’re not hiding the parts of yourself that you think are less lovable, you are not afraid to be vulnerable and be seen in both your strengths and weaknesses.

Kevin Anthony 14:31
Yeah, and for men, that is a rather challenging thing to do, because we’re not taught how to do that. We’re taught that vulnerability is weakness. Right? And if we’re, if we’re, if we’re real men, we can’t show that emotion. Right. And so this is something that a lot of guys struggle with.

Kevin Anthony 14:49
But the problem is, is that for so many of them, when they actually learn how to be vulnerable, they swing to the other end of the spectrum and they become the super like, softy, you know, overly vulnerable men, and that’s a huge turnoff to women. So the trick with that one really is to be confident when it’s appropriate to be confident, to be vulnerable when it’s appropriate to be vulnerable. And knowing when those things are appropriate.

Kevin Anthony 15:06
So in the context of making love, you know, maybe at the beginning of that lovemaking session, you’re very confident, and you’re like, taking charge, and you’re like, let’s do this, let’s do this, then maybe during that lovemaking, the two of you hit this really amazing, beautiful space of really deep connection that can happen when you really have a transformative sexual experience. And at that moment, you know, she starts to tear up, right? And how do you react to that?

Kevin Anthony 15:51
You’d be like, Oh, come on, what’s going on? I’m gonna fix this thing stuck in your masculine? Or do you get into that vulnerable side and love her and support her and tell her how beautiful and amazing that experience was, and how emotionally touched you are, by that experience, maybe you even get a little tear in your eyes, as well. So that’s what we’re talking about their how you can be both at the same time.

Céline Remy 16:16
qualities number five, you are adventurous and willing to experiment. Whoo. You know, there’s a difference between number two, where you are playful and passionate. And number five, where you are adventurous and willing to experiment. They are somewhat similar and yet different. And this is a place where a lot of couples stop, like, be willing to do that, because they like these other free positions that we like, this is how we do it, and they don’t step outside the box.

Céline Remy 16:48
And then maybe later in life, they start having new fantasies, but then they become embarrassed to share that with their partner. And so they go like, Well, I have this fantasy, but there’s no way I could talk about this with my wife or my husband because he or she is gonna think I’m weird, or judge me. And then you hold this back, and you’re not willing to bring that into the lovemaking. And that will stifle your experience.

Kevin Anthony 17:15
And remember that adventure is all relative, right? So for some people, what’s really adventurous is doing a different position, or maybe making love in a different room. Because most people are like, it’s always on this day, at this time in the bedroom in this position, so maybe just stepping outside of that little box is your adventure. For some people, it’s like, let’s bring some toys into the relationship like, Whoa, okay.

Kevin Anthony 17:42
For some people, it might be, you know, let’s go to a sex club or, you know, something like that. So that, you know, the level of adventure is up to you. The point is, is that you should be willing to try something new to keep it fun and exciting. And, yeah, it’s you know, that there are a lot of options out there. So you choose your level of experimental

Céline Remy 18:08
quality. Number six, you communicate your needs and listen to your partner. Wow, that is such a big one. Number one, it requires skills, right? If you first need to know what you want. And then you need to ask for what you want in a way that is not a demand but a request. So learning to communicate in such a way that you don’t put your partner down for wanting for you wanting something and your partner giving this to you.

Céline Remy 18:39
And you bring this as a gift set is something that both of you could work on. And not only are you just focusing on yourself, you are also willing to listen. And when your partner says some things you’re not listening to defend yourself to correct or to add, you’re listening to understand.

Kevin Anthony 19:01
So two really big things here. One, of course, is communicating your needs, which you know, you’ve talked about, but the other one, which is maybe even more important, is listening to your partner. I just kind of wanted to reiterate that. I mean, I know he did a good job of explaining stuff, but this one is huge. It’s one of the things that we teach in sexual mastery in our online program. It’s really, really, really, you’re not just listening with your ears. Right?

Kevin Anthony 19:32
So you’re not just listening to what she tells you. Oh, do it like this. Don’t do that move this way. You’re listening to everything. The noises that she makes the way she’s moaning. Is it a wince? Is it a moan of ecstasy? You’re looking at her eyes, you’re looking at our cheeks? Are they flush? You’re looking at her outer labia are they swollen? Is her vagina wet?

Kevin Anthony 19:54
Like all of those things tell you you’re doing something good or you’re not doing Something good. So really, really, really, really listening on everywhere using your eyes, using your ears using your touch, how does it feel is she tensed up? Is she relaxed, right? All of this stuff is all about listening to your partner.

Céline Remy 20:14
And listening also means that if your partner keeps saying, I really would like to get more oral, or it would be really awesome. If this or that happened, they always say it. That might be because they want it.

Kevin Anthony 20:28
But if they say it in joke form, right?

Céline Remy 20:31
But this is something that when we work with couples, we see a lot they go like, well, it’s not like he ever does this anyway. So it’s like, and they kind of like jokingly laugh about this, but there’s a lot of truth about that, and you need to do something. Okay, let’s move to number seven. Because we are just halfway through our list here. It’s a lot of juicy stuff, but I’m gonna make sure we have time to cover it all. You make time and don’t rush. Oh,

Kevin Anthony 20:57
yes. Good. lovemaking is slow lovemaking. That doesn’t mean you can’t pound that time and move fast. But the idea is, you take your time. I know some of you you got kids, you got busy lives. You’re like we got 10 minutes, Wham. Bam. Thank you, ma’am. Let’s get it done. Right. Okay, if that’s all you can do, that’s better than nothing. But in general, there’s no such thing as the time when you’re making love, like, turn the clock around, so you can’t even see it. You know,

Céline Remy 21:28
it’s the hardest thing because we are conditioned, we are pressured. I know for me, it’s like, Okay, if I can just do this for 10 minutes for 20 minutes, you know, it’s like, but you got to go through that and give yourself permission to have this. But usually, the mark is about 20 minutes before you start to get in this out of the time constraint.

Kevin Anthony 21:53
Yeah, and part of the problem when you’re like, Okay, I need at least 20 minutes, and you’re like, glancing at the clock, like, it’s almost been 20 minutes, I should be there by now, but I’m not feeling it. Right, just time should not exist. And actually, Osho wrote about this, that he was speaking more in regards to the moment of orgasm. But basically, what he says is the moment of orgasm is like the closest that you can experience God because it’s like a moment of nothingness.

Kevin Anthony 22:27
Nothing exists at that moment, you can’t do anything else at the same moment that you’re orgasming it’s physically impossible. And so really, with lovemaking, you just want time to disappear. I don’t give a fuck what time it is, I don’t care. I don’t care how long we’ve been doing some I don’t care how long I’ve been going down on you or whatever. All I care about is that we are in the moment, and we are enjoying what we’re doing.

Céline Remy 22:55
Let’s take a little break for our second sponsor of today’s show. And we want to invite you all the couples who are listening to the love lab podcast, if you are in a relationship and just things are not exactly the way they used to be, your sex life may not be as fun or exciting, your desire, you still feel the love, but maybe you feel more like roommates, well, then we want to help you get the passion back between the sheets.

Céline Remy 23:24
And so Kevin and I would like to invite you to join our highly sexed power couple Platinum program. If you give us 90 days, we will help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually so that you can thrive with more purpose and passion in life. To learn more about this life-changing coaching program, go to cylinder me.com forward slash passion.

Kevin Anthony 23:49
Okay, number eight, you enjoy giving pleasure as much as receiving it. This is really important. This is one we talk about a lot too. And I know for sure we cover in power and mastery, but if you really want to be good in bed, you have to love what you do. Right? So there’s again back to the music analogy, but you know, somebody that could be really technically proficient and you know, they play all the right notes, but it just lacks something, it doesn’t move you it doesn’t stir your soul. It doesn’t evoke emotion.

Kevin Anthony 24:21
But then somebody who’s playing you know, maybe a little sloppier and maybe not even the right notes, but there’s something about the way they play it. That just moves your soul right. It’s because they love what they’re doing. They’re putting that passion that loves that energy into it. And that’s what you need to be doing when you’re making love to you know.

Kevin Anthony 24:42
If you’re giving oral sex It doesn’t matter if it’s a man giving it to a woman or a woman giving it to a man. If you’re just kind of going through the motions. They’ll be like okay, yeah, that felt pretty good. But if you’re doing it because you’re like, this is like my favorite thing to do. I just could do this for an hour straight and love it. every minute of it shall watch the reaction you get from your partner.

Céline Remy 25:04
Well, I think like there’s one element here that you haven’t been focusing on, Kevin, I don’t think people have that much pleasure, problem giving, it’s usually easier and more spot, people have issues with the receiving part. So they’ll be stuck in, I’m a giver, I just want to give to her usually, that’s usually the guy, it could be, it could be the woman.

Céline Remy 25:25
But it’s more of that it’s they feel much better if they giving rather than receiving. And if you do not know how to receive, you’re never going to be a great giver either. So like your ability to receive and give eyes connected to one another.

Kevin Anthony 25:41
Yeah, and you know, there’s an important point to bring up that you sort of alluded to, although not quite directly. So I’ll say this, there are a lot of men that believe that they are givers. Because all I give outs, all I do is give, really they’re taking, they’re not receiving and they’re not even giving they’re taking, they’re only giving because they’re getting something in return from it.

Kevin Anthony 26:09
And so that is kind of an important distinction to make. Be careful, if you find yourself in a relationship with one of those people, because it’s not going to end well. It never does.

Céline Remy 26:20
Quality number nine, you are supportive and nonjudgmental. And I think there’s not much more to be said on this one. But we say that a lot. If you’re not your partner’s biggest cheerleaders, then who else you know, well should be yourself first. But then your partner is your biggest cheerleader, and being super supportive, like you are a team, right. And you both work together towards the greatest good for both of you as the team. And that’s how you should go through life and go through the bedroom.

Kevin Anthony 26:54
Yeah, and you know, stuff happens in the bedroom, you know, like, performance doesn’t always, you know, reach your expectations, or, you know, maybe for some reason, he comes too quickly, or maybe for some reason, she just couldn’t come at all that day. Or maybe somebody throws their back out, you know, like, who knows, like stuff happens, right?

Kevin Anthony 27:14
The idea is to be able to support your partner no matter what, but like, it’s okay, that this stuff happens next time, it’ll be different, or it’ll be better, or how can I help you, right? Rather than being Oh, you didn’t, blah, blah, blah, you did blah, blah, blah, you know,

Céline Remy 27:29
let’s move to our quality number 10, you are fully present in the moment and are able to do good eye contact and surrender. There’s a lot to unpack here.

Kevin Anthony 27:42
Yeah, the present piece is a big one that we talked about, again, we talked about in our sexual mastery, because it’s so so huge, that it kind of goes hand in hand with no time, right? It’s like you’re not focused on anything else other than who you are with and what you were doing.

Kevin Anthony 28:00
And, guys, seriously, if you can master that, if you can give a woman 100% of your attention and presence at that moment, it almost doesn’t matter if anything else is good. She will feel that and she will absolutely love it and respond so positively to it.

Céline Remy 28:21
That is a huge piece. And I think that for most people, the present piece is something that they don’t have. And because we are so used to being distracted all the time, we are constantly on our phones, on our computers, and driving and doing things at the same time. And then we don’t know anymore how to just be in the moment with one person how to look into somebody’s eyes, or we look at our phones, our devices, right,

Kevin Anthony 28:49
you better not look at your phone during lovemaking. The only time you’re allowed to look at your phone is if you absolutely have to be somewhere at a certain time. And you need to make sure like, like you only got an hour and a half and you got to get back for the babysitter, then you’re allowed to occasionally peek at what time it is. Other than that, you throw that fucking thing out the window.

Céline Remy 29:11
Well, you could just put an alarm so you don’t have to look at it and you know that it’s going to rain. You know what there is another situation to grab your phone is if you need to take a really hot picture of the moment.

Kevin Anthony 29:22
Yeah, but you’re not allowed to look at anything else. No text messages, no emails, no social media. None of that. No, yeah. All you had to do is access the camera. Alright, and then share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 29:35
All right, so let’s move to our qualities number 11. So you understand each other’s anatomy.

Kevin Anthony 29:42
Yeah, you know, I threw this one on the list. So we’re getting into some of the things that we’ve added to the list here and all that other stuff is really great and really important. And I was just trying to think of like what kind of stuff do we see on a regular basis when we work with people and there are two things that we see one People tends to not understand the other person’s anatomy, but to they also tends to not understand their own anatomy now.

Kevin Anthony 30:09
So, and this is just totally generalities because this is not 100% true all the time. But men tend to roughly understand their own anatomy but are pretty clueless about women’s anatomy. Women tend to not even understand their own anatomy. And those are some generalities. There are so many women that Selene works with, who were like, Oh, I didn’t know that like, yeah, I mean, I didn’t even know I was back in the 90s or something like that. When Madonna published her book, her sex book, right?

Kevin Anthony 30:43
And there were like, pictures, photos of her like, squatting over a mirror and looking at her own vagina. And it was like this huge controversy, right? Well, you know, that’s like one of the basic practices in like, every female sexuality class ever is, like, get a mirror and look at it. And I’m amazed at how many women have never done that until they end up in that class. Like, they’ve never looked at it as a guy.

Kevin Anthony 31:10
Trust me. But by the time we realize there is a penis between our legs, we’re already checking it out. And we know every inch of it, we do, but women seem to not know that.

Céline Remy 31:21
And but it’s it’s an important point you brought to you about understanding each other’s anatomy because it’s even like beyond the anatomy code, part of like, yeah, there’s a Collette or lay bow is a screw them, you know, but it’s like, what does your partner like? How do they like to be touching what places brings the most pleasure?

Céline Remy 31:39
Because again, there’s everybody’s unique and that people have differences and even through life, you know, there might be the time you might like, I don’t know, maybe somebody is a very much into nipple clamps and lots of nipple stimulation, and then somebody later in their life, they like, doesn’t really do it for me anymore. Now I like I don’t know something on my butt’s you know, like, I’m just really making it up

Kevin Anthony 32:06
right in the nipples anymore. Now I’m in it, but stuff. That is, that is a good point. So there’s an understanding of the actual anatomy of the other person is important. Because if you don’t like let’s say, you’re gonna use this, from a guy’s point of view to a woman, if you don’t understand the anatomy, if you don’t understand the outer labia, the inner labia, you don’t understand, you know, how the clit is actually designed.

Kevin Anthony 32:34
And you think it’s just that little teeny button, right? You don’t understand the legs and all the different parts of that, then you might not value some of the places that she really likes to be touched. Right, because I didn’t know she liked her, her outer labia, you know, massaged or touched or stimulated in this way. Yeah, because you didn’t realize there was a glitters behind it, you know, so

Céline Remy 32:55
and if you want to know about that, go to power and mastery.com and purchase sexual mastery, because we take you through the entire anatomy with graphics and everything. So you will know what most men don’t know. And you’ll have an advantage. That’s right. Number 12. You can last as long as you want. And that one is for the men, obviously,

Kevin Anthony 33:16
pretty self-explanatory. If you want to have great sex, and you want women to see you as a great lover, you really need to be able to last longer than the average you just do. You can still be a great lover and be really good with your mouth or your fingers or other things. But you know, you can tell me if this is true or not.

Kevin Anthony 33:41
So they but in my opinion, when somebody is a good lover because they’re really good with their hands or their mouth moving guy. Oh, yeah, that was really good. But when somebody is a really good lover with their penis, they go. Oh, yeah, that was really good. There’s like good, and then there’s like, Oh, yeah, different.

Céline Remy 34:00
It is definitely a whole new level. Also, the cool thing about being really good with your penis is that, you know, there’s always a default of the hands or the mouth if need be at some points, you know, but if that’s all you’ve got, and the penis never got like, you’re not good at it, then it’s not something that you will continuously long for.

Kevin Anthony 34:22
Oh, yeah. And you want her to long for it? Yes, for sure.

Céline Remy 34:26
Number 13. Quality number 14 you are emotionally mature. You have high E q.

Kevin Anthony 34:35
Yeah, you know, there. There were a lot of things in the other list that was kind of hinting at that as you know, you can communicate and you’re confident and you’re willing to learn and all that but nothing else in that in the previous things really got at that emotional maturity part. That part where you know how to master and control your emotions both good and bad, right?

Kevin Anthony 35:02
So you don’t get, you don’t get knocked off-center. Like, if she makes some comments about something you don’t automatically get She insulted me or whatever, you know, like, you can stay calm and you can control your emotions. And that doesn’t even just mean like, not getting triggered. But it also means showing positive emotions in a healthy way. Also,

Céline Remy 35:28
that’s is huge. And in case you’re wondering how it makes you a better lover because there’s nothing less sexy or less appealing than a whiny person, you know, like a very immature person is not somebody that you want to have sex with over and over

Kevin Anthony 35:45
No. And the older you get, the less tolerance you have for that emotional immaturity. Like, at this point in my life, I basically have zero tolerance for like zero, if you can’t master your own shit and your own emotions, the doors over there.

Céline Remy 36:03
Alright, last but not least, our quality number 14 is that you make your partner feel safe. This is a huge one, and we put it as 14, but it probably should have been number one, right? Because without the element of safety, a woman is not going to be able to let go and surrender. Your ability to have orgasms to experience high places of pleasure and orgasmic bliss depends on your ability to surrender.

Céline Remy 36:42
But without sleep feeling safe, you are not going to put your guards down, you are not going to fully let go. And so that element of safety needs to be into place first before anything else. If you have safety, then you can go places you’ve never been to.

Kevin Anthony 37:03
Yeah, and honestly, when we think of making it safe, we generally think of the man making it safe for the woman. But this actually goes both ways. If he doesn’t feel safe to be who he is in that moment, then he’s going to hold back. And if you’re holding back, you’re never going to achieve that great level of

Céline Remy 37:20
sex. And I love that you brought that up because feeling safe to be yourself 100% is the key to great, great sex and a great relationship knowing that you’re not going to be judged for sharing your kinky fantasy. And you’re going to be appreciated for who you are. When you have that you basically know if you have safety in your relationship, if you don’t, you don’t have it and you feel that you can be fully yourself

Céline Remy 37:51
or you can’t fully let go, then that’s the first element that you should work on, really is. And if you don’t know how to do this work with us, we’ll be happy to coach you and tell you how to create a container for safety for your partner, whether you are male or female.

Kevin Anthony 38:10
Alright, so that is our list of 14 qualities of a great lover. Now, remember, at the beginning of this, I said Think of this as a checklist right? Go down and where Which ones did you check off on your list. And if you are lacking in any of those areas, it’s okay, because you can learn any of them. So the value here is to look at these things that are generally considered to be qualities of a great lover.

Kevin Anthony 38:39
Find out which ones you’ve already got mastered, keep doing them, and then the ones that you haven’t figured out how to become good at them learn them. Remember being a great lover takes practice and dedication. You’re not just born with it. You don’t just pop out like I’m a great lover. I mean, yeah, I mean, there’s prodigies and everything right? But really, you just learn, and you practice and you constantly strive to be better. That’s how you become great.

Céline Remy 39:10
There you have it. So take these with a grain of salt, but look at them objectively and pick one and get better at it.

Kevin Anthony 39:19
All right, we hope you enjoyed this episode. And that is all the time we have for this week. So we will see you next week. We hope you like this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 39:39
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault

Kevin Anthony 39:53
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 39:54
And remember you are amazing.