How To Make Love Like A Pornstar Or Not

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
All right, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 120. And it is how to make love like a porn star or not. With special guest, Erik Everhard. Okay, so we’ve talked about porn a bit on the show, we’ve had a couple of different episodes with sort of different variations on that theme. But one thing that we’ve never done is had an actual porn star on the show.

Kevin Anthony 0:56
So I think this is gonna be really exciting for a couple of reasons. One, first of all, I mean, it’s just a fascinating conversation to have with somebody that had the types of experiences that Eric has had. So that’s fascinating in and of itself. But the other thing that comes out of it, and this is going to be the sort of bulk of what we talked about, I think on the show today is how his experience relates to real life.

Kevin Anthony 1:21
Everybody looks at porn stars, and like, Oh, yeah, man, like I know, every like 20 something now thinks it would be his ultimate dream to be able to be in stock. So we’re gonna see just how much that dream matches up to real-life experience.

Céline Remy 1:39
So I’m very excited about diving into this subject. And before we introduce our guests, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsors’ power and mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power in mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer or increase your sexual skills. There is something for you at power and mastery.com.

Céline Remy 2:08
Today, we have Erik Everhard. Yes, I’m not going to make jokes about his name as a stage name. Anyway, he is one of the top paid and most recognized performers in the adult film of the last two decades, he has won numerous male performer awards and been enshrined in the hall of fame of the ABN and x RCO organizations.

Céline Remy 2:31
In 2010, he embarked on a transformational journey studying NLP, at one of the top institutions in America. Since then, he has dedicated his time and effort to helping men by teaching them elite level sexual skills to have confidence with women in the bedroom. Yeah. Wonderful. Welcome, Erik, we are excited to have you on the love lab podcast.

Erik Everhard 2:57
I’m excited to be here.

Kevin Anthony 3:00
All right, we are just going to dive right in. So okay, one of the things that I really love about this, and we’ll get to Erik’s book when we get to the very end, but we had an opportunity to look through and one of the things that we really liked about it is so similar the types of things you teach are so similar to the types of stuff that we teach.

Kevin Anthony 3:19
But you arrived at those things from a very different perspective in life than we arrived at them. But I think it’s amazing that we’re doing kind of similar things. And so what I want to start with is just sort of establishing your credentials in this area here

Céline Remy 3:35
in the fucking arena.

Erik Everhard 3:39
My credential

Kevin Anthony 3:41
Alright, so the first question is, how many women have you actually had sex with?

Erik Everhard 3:49
5 thousand plus or minus 500? ballpark?

Kevin Anthony 3:53
Okay, so yeah, I remember. So this can be fun. I did some math here, right. I don’t know how old you are. But I’m 46 years old. Okay. And we’ve told the audience that many times, so I don’t mind saying it anyway. I did a little math based on 4000 women because I thought your number was somewhere more around 4000. Right. So, so at 46 years old, let’s say I’ve been sexually active for about 30 years, right?

Kevin Anthony 4:19
4000 women, that’s 133.33 women a year. All right. So which then becomes one woman every three days, different woman. That’s some pretty impressive numbers. So what I’m trying to figure out is, you’re probably I don’t think you’re much older than I am. If you are. How in the world do you have sex with 5000 plus women in your lifetime?

Erik Everhard 4:45
Well, you do a lot of movies with a lot of women like the most amount of women that I ever slept with. In one movie was 101.

Céline Remy 4:57
In one movie?

Erik Everhard 4:59
one movie You can look it up.

Céline Remy 5:01
Wow. Now I probably will.

Erik Everhard 5:03
that was a long day. Long day at the office.

Kevin Anthony 5:08
I needed some ice packs after that one.

Erik Everhard 5:11
Oh, man. I literally had like a layer of skin that was like missing from my dick after that.

Céline Remy 5:20
Wow. And you were hard for each one of them?

Erik Everhard 5:23
Oh, yeah.

Céline Remy 5:24
Impressive,

Erik Everhard 5:25
with a different condom for every girl to. I actually had my own condom PA.

Kevin Anthony 5:34
That’s how you know you’ve made it in the boring business, you’ve got your own personal assistant that is in charge of nothing but your condoms.

Erik Everhard 5:42
It’s true. It’s a true story. I mean, he was just there every time because you know, this was I did the movie back in, I want to say 2000. That was a couple of years removed from when they had had an aid scare in the business. There were certain companies that decided they were only going to shoot with condoms. And this was one of those companies.

Erik Everhard 6:05
It was a very, very big company. It was a vivid video at the time that he shot it. And so they required It was like okay, well, we’re doing this gigantic reverse gang bang, it’s you. And 101 girls, and there has to be a new condom for every girl. So you know, the second that condom is starting to feel good. You’re like, Oh, yeah, this ain’t so bad. It’s like, off. Like-kind of VA Give me the continuum you know, and they were he was pre-torn. It was so it was like fast. Do you know?

Kevin Anthony 6:40
He had enough other fucking to take care of?

Erik Everhard 6:43
I did, yes.

Kevin Anthony 6:45
Okay, so I think that we have established your credentials if somebody, okay, even if you were absolutely terrible in bed. If you’ve had sex with 5000 women, by the time you get that far along, you had to have learned something you had to have picked up some skills.

Erik Everhard 7:02
You would hope. The sad thing is, you know, there’s probably somebody out there that could go through that experiment and learn nothing. But I mean, if you’re going through life with conscious awareness and your eyes are open, you should be learning things. You should be picking things up as you go along.

Kevin Anthony 7:21
Absolutely.

Céline Remy 7:22
So I want to take it back to the beginning. And I want to know because I know there is a story. How did you come up with your name, Erik Everhard?

Erik Everhard 7:32
Well, the name actually was given to me by a friend of mine. So at the time, I was working and living in Vancouver. And I worked at a local gym. And this was a super every version avatar of meathead belong there. So it was, we had bodybuilders. We had powerlifters, we had cops, we had bikers, we had drug dealers and a very small smattering of girls.

Erik Everhard 8:10
You know, and they worked out, you know because this was not a place where, you know, just grandma and you know, someone that wants to do some aerobics went to now this was a hardcore gym. And I used to work there, I worked, I worked the counter, I sold memberships. And so when it all came out that I had done my first porno scene, etc, etc.

Erik Everhard 8:33
We’re all sitting around at the juice bar. And they’re like, well, you got to have a name, right? I haven’t thought that far ahead. Right.

Erik Everhard 8:44
And, and my buddy, Jeff, who was the resident drug dealer of the gym, he just out of nowhere. He was like, just came out of his mouth, Erik Everhard. He goes because I’ve seen your movies, your dick was always hard. It was pointed to the ceiling.

Erik Everhard 9:04
And he’s like, need alliteration? No, cuz it’s gotta be like Jenna Jameson. Vince Vouyer. He goes, Erik Everhard and then he goes, Oh, and you got blonde hair. So you look Nordic, so you got to spell it with a K. No shit, literally. And all of us. It’s like silence, right? We’re just like, Jeff. That’s fucking genius. That was it. There was like, we’re like, there’s no question.

Kevin Anthony 9:31
That I agree that was genius.

Erik Everhard 9:36
What’s funny, is, you know, throughout my whole career, it was lucky because well, first of all, everybody would mostly refer to me by my last name. So if people were talking about me, in circles, it was always ever hard, right? But I was the only one.

Erik Everhard 9:51
So you know, I mean, there was a million in one steals a million in one you know, XYZ names but mine now there’s only one and they knew You’re talking about and that was it. From that perspective, just from pure marketing. Jeff was a genius.

Céline Remy 10:07
And apparently, you lived up to your name.

Erik Everhard 10:11
It was even changed into a few different versions. I remember this was a business trip we were on in the Dominican Republic. We were shooting a porno in the Dominican Republic. And it was very boots on the ground kind of shooting, because the director, he would fly in, there was no infrastructure. So he had no girls. He had no agencies, he had nothing. He just went there because he liked to surf. He’s like, I’ll put together a movie.

Erik Everhard 10:47
So after about three weeks, he manages to get everybody together, calls us flies us in and we start working. So we have to go get tested there, right? Because we’re getting all the girls tested. And we’re getting so we have to get tested so that they can see my test is in their language and at their clinic. And we have this nurse, and so she asks, like, you know, what’s his name? Right.

Erik Everhard 11:13
And our friend, believe his name is Gustavo. You know, of course, he’s got a super Spanish accent. So he’s like Mr. Hart. She’s like, Okay, Mr. Hart. Okay. Right. And then he just throws it out there he goes, Enrique Siempre Duro. ” Ah si”.

Erik Everhard 11:40
And then after that, like for years, I mean, to this day, sometimes he would be like, hey, simply doodle.

Kevin Anthony 11:49
Pretty funny. Okay, that that question really was just for entertainment purposes, not totally relevant to the topic we’re discussing, but hysterical nonetheless.

Céline Remy 11:59
I get to laugh. So we, we went through your book, and the story of like, how you got into porn was kind of fun. And like Kevin mentioned earlier, it is a lot of guys like fantasy, Oh, if only I could be a porn star. Or better, if only I could sleep with a porn star. Because, you know, they think and I was gonna make a difference, not understanding that they are the ones making the difference. But we will come back to that later. And tell us about how you got into porn first.

Erik Everhard 12:29
Well, where would you like me to start?

Céline Remy 12:33
Well, it was it that day in April.

Erik Everhard 12:37
It was April 17.

Erik Everhard 12:40
So I’ll try and give you the cliff notes version. Basically, I was a student at a massage therapy college. I was going to school there at the time. On lunch break, I came across this ad in the newspaper, and they were looking for couples and girls to do a porno movie. I used to have this ex-girlfriend, who, you know, we would watch porno movies sometimes together and she would joke. She’d be like, Oh, yeah, you could do that. I’m like, Yeah, yeah, thanks, sweetheart. Right?

Erik Everhard 13:12
Because anybody that you’re dating is gonna say you are wonderful, even if it’s not the case, right? So I didn’t really think too much about it. But, but then when I saw the ad, I was like, Wait a second. Look, she said, I’d always be good at that. And that’s what, you know, what the thought in my mind. So I called them up. And of course, they basically hung up on me, which I understand now after, you know, having done this job for over 22 years, most guys cannot do it.

Erik Everhard 13:45
Just matter of factly. Like most guys don’t have the entire combination of things that’s required, which is you have to be number one, you have to be extremely strong mentally, you have to have the ability to overcome your anxiety, block out everything in your head, really almost have a meditative state in your mind. And then you have to be blessed with the equipment as well. Right? And then you need to put that all together with total body mastery.

Erik Everhard 14:20
So it’s, you know, it’s a lot of things and just, most guys just don’t have those qualities together. And no production company is going to wait for you to magically get your shit together. Because they have money riding on it like me when you go to especially any of these big professional gigs. They have a lot of money riding on the day.

Erik Everhard 14:43
So a lot of times you’ll have people online that will you know, they’ll troll they’ll complain this and why is it the same guys over and over? I’m like, dude, step up. Come on. Let’s see you do it right because I’ve watched hundreds of guys at this point, absolutely fail.

Céline Remy 15:05
So that brings it to the next question are like, okay, so you like, okay, so I remember in your book you said you called them they said no. And then finally you got in and you’re the only guy who passed the addition. So that’s kind of like proving the point, right that ultimately you came up for a photo shoot. And then it turned out that you were just put on on film and be like, hey, please fuck this girl, right?

Erik Everhard 15:28
Well, yeah, that is I, I kept badgering them one day, they said, Okay, come by. And we’ll take some Polaroids of viewings, if you have the equipment, right, like, so I go down to this CD area in Vancouver, and I knock on this metal door, and the guy opens it, and he’s like, you know, he looks at me, he goes, are you, Mitch? Like, yeah. And he looks me just straight in the eyes. And he just says, just deadpan.

Erik Everhard 15:52
Oh, can you fuck this girl for us right now? I mean, I was so shocked. Right? Like, my mouth must have just been hanging open. And I just bled out like the meekest little like, yep. And, and it was this, this girl that they had shot before. She just happened to be hanging out at their studio. So she was hanging out there. I was there.

Erik Everhard 16:18
They said, well screw up. Let’s see if the kid can actually do it. And, and I did, there was no problem. Then I remember, you know, so I got the heart on no problem doing the scene. And then remember, they came in at some point, this was kind of funny, because they said, you know, anytime in the next 10 minutes if you could produce a come shot.

Erik Everhard 16:42
That would be fabulous. Right? Like, you know, I mean, the standards that we have, you know, professional porn. Oh, it’s like they look at you. They’re like, Hey, man, like you got a minute. Like, get it together, right? Oh, yeah, you should be able to produce one in about a minute. Generally speaking. So yeah, I was like, Oh, okay. Like, I wasn’t even thinking anything about it.

Erik Everhard 17:02
Because there was no point that I thought this is gonna be a career. I thought I’m just collecting a really cool story. So, yeah, so it was easy, boom, come shot. I was like, okay, that’s great. Then they gave me some money. Oh, Jesus, I got paid for this, too. I’m like, this story got better, right. And that was it, then I just went home. I was like, Man, that’s gonna be a great story to tell the grandkids. Like, hey, grandpa did a point at once.

Erik Everhard 17:33
And, and then it was about three days later, I get this phone call. And you know, I don’t know who it is, I answer it. It’s the guys from the studio. And they’re like, Hey, can you combine do that again. I was like, Okay. That was what started me down that path.

Erik Everhard 17:53
Eventually, you know, the editor, he confided in me, he goes, look, he knows that the owner will never tell you this, but you’re really good at this. You should think about going down to LA, you could probably make some serious money. And I was, yeah, I was just so naive. I was like, what, there’s money in this?

Erik Everhard 18:09
I had no clue. I was 21. Right.

Céline Remy 18:15
Okay, so now I really want to see like, what happened because so many men have expectations like, Okay, if you get into porn, like being a porn star is going to be so great. Did being a porn star, like live up to the expectations in your head?

Erik Everhard 18:33
Well, I would say generally, yes. I mean, I didn’t have any expectations in my head. Right. Like, I had no idea how the business worked. I mean, I had seen some pornos, but there was no you know, at that time, maybe now it’s different because now you have so much access because of social media, you have, you know, different groups that will put together documentaries on neck Netflix, right?

Erik Everhard 19:04
And so you have all these different groups that are trying to portray what the business is, which most of them do a piss poor job. But still, I mean, they’re all trying to give their angle right? Like this, this side, I’ll say, well, porn was bad. So we’re gonna, you know, find the worst of the worst people and put them on camera and say, This is what it’s about, right?

Erik Everhard 19:22
Then these other people will say, oh, porn was the greatest thing ever. And we’re gonna find the the absolute best people that have been most successful and put them on camera. You know, the truth is always somewhere in the middle. So, um, but back then, I mean, there was there was no, there was no access to anybody. You had no knowledge of anything. I mean, when I, when I, for example, had to get in touch.

Erik Everhard 19:46
To start my career, I put together a VHS reel of scenes that I had done, and I mailed it out to all the companies I found their addresses in the back of the avian magazine. I sent out these packages with VHS tapes. I mean, there was no internet, there was no email. There was no, you know, it’s like, I mean, this was a process. Right, like, so like I said, I mean, there was just, I mean, I had no idea because how would you know, it was so underground?

Erik Everhard 20:19
And, and even back then most of the companies were mom and pop companies, which is not the case today. No, you have this huge monolith, you know, companies, they’re gigantic. But back then they were mostly mom and pop operations.

Kevin Anthony 20:36
So, you know, I think that, at least from the guy’s perspective, I don’t know about the women’s perspective. But I think from the guys perspective when they think about being a porn star, they think I’m gonna get to have sex with all these hot women, and it’s gonna be awesome, the sex is gonna be amazing, like, Oh, my God, this is gonna be the greatest thing ever.

Kevin Anthony 20:55
And I think our question about expectations was starting to sort of scratch at that. And that leads us into our next question, too, which is that? I mean, anybody that is actually really good at sex, can look at porn, sex and understand that one that’s not real. And to some of that stuff just doesn’t actually really work in a sense, like, maybe it’s not necessarily stimulating her the right way. But it looks good on the camera. Right?

Kevin Anthony 21:21
So I think I think, well, I don’t know, maybe not. But I would say that most people would look at that and understand that. But that’s different from the fantasy that people have in their minds about what it’s going to be like. And so the question is, how is porn sex, from your experience different from real sex, because now you’re teaching people how to have real sex, right? And some of that probably comes from that experience?

Erik Everhard 21:44
Well, but here’s, here’s the thing where, where you kind of have to unpack that because it is all real sex. And this is where I think there becomes this disconnect for people. Right? Because they’ll watch what I do. And they and they think it’s real because it actually is.

Erik Everhard 22:07
But they should be able to discern, like, you know, if they watch a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger, and he moves down 90 people with a gun with one hand and doesn’t have a scratch on him. Like they can objectively look at that and go, it’s probably not real. The problem that you have with porno is the fact that they’re looking at what I’m doing. And there’s no CGI, what I am doing is legitimately happening. So, you know, it’s, in some ways, it’s like watching, watching sports on TV,

Erik Everhard 22:45
You’re watching something for this larger than life. unrealistic expectation, but is legitimately happening. I mean, those, those, you know, football players are really catching the football, they’re really running through people, and they’re really breaking bones, you know, but, you know, it’s like, well, they break something. Let’s just cut them off. And we’re gonna pretend it didn’t happen. Right. And so I don’t know if that’s a good analogy.

Erik Everhard 23:12
But you know, porno is the same way in the sense of, you know, we’re doing things that that are difficult. And you wouldn’t necessarily say that all of it feels great, is amazing, etc, because it’s visual. And we’re putting on a visual performance at the end of the day, because that is what, you know, there’s what the buying clientele wants, they’re coming there for these visual stimuli.

Erik Everhard 23:41
And so sometimes I think they’re, they’re missing the point. But just because it’s visually stimulating, does not mean that it feels good. And that’s where you get that divergence.

Kevin Anthony 23:53
Yeah, and that’s, that’s exactly the point that I was getting at, which is that when you watch it, and you see some of the things that they’re doing, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s necessarily a great technique for her or for him, or that it necessarily feels that good. It might just be that it happened to be a really good camera angle, and it looked really good.

Kevin Anthony 24:12
Now, that’s great for visual stimulation. But if and I know 100 guys do this, if they’re watching porn, trying to pick up tips on how to be good in bed, it’s entirely possible that they’re going to learn some stuff that isn’t real, right.

Erik Everhard 24:29
Oh, yeah, but that but that’s I mean, I mean, that’s, that’s also the thing where it’s like, well, you shouldn’t watch you know, shorts in here to learn how to fire a gun.

Kevin Anthony 24:38
Guys, the guys firing like an M 60 with one hand, okay. It’s like I would like to think that people are smart enough like obviously, you know when you see Schwarzenegger in that, you know what? Alright, let me just say this as somebody who does shoot guns quite a bit. I hope I don’t offend anybody in this audience, but I’m quite good with weapons. I look at Schwarzenegger and I go, this is preposterous.

Kevin Anthony 25:08
Like, there’s no shred of reality. But, but I have conversations with people all the time who are not gun people who have no idea that that’s not real. Right? So so

Erik Everhard 25:18
so it’s very possible. It’s the same thing. I mean, I can you know, where I’m at I objectively look at everything. And I’m like, how can how does anybody think that this feels good, right? I’m a fucking athlete right now. And but it like as you said, they might, they might be looking and be like, Wow, that’s really cool. I want to do that.

Kevin Anthony 25:39
Yeah. And that’s kind of the point is, is that I’m not sure that everybody is capable of understanding that, which is why we just wanted to make that point, I would like to think they are but then again, my experience in other realms of life shows that may not be the case.

Céline Remy 25:54
So I want to bring in some woman’s perspective. But before that, I want to do a quick break to invite any couples listening today, if you are a committed couple who is stuck in a rut and just going through the daily motions instead of connecting the way you used to, and you’re tired of steel, mechanical sex, I’d like spontaneity and fun, and you don’t want to live a life of average.

Céline Remy 26:13
Then Kevin and I would like to invite you to join our highly sexed power couple Platinum program, give us 90 days and we will help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually so that you can thrive with more purpose and passion in life. So go to selling remi.com forward slash passion and know the tips we are going to give you are not porn star tips.

Céline Remy 26:33
But yes, anyway. I am not a fan of porno movies. To be truly honest, I was having this discussion with Kevin, I was like, if I’ve watched five of them in my entire life, that’s probably a lot. And it’s mostly because I was having to do some research on things to figure out what people liked and what so I’m in no way an expert. I’ve seen more than that. And we know Erik has been in more than that.

Erik Everhard 26:59
Yeah, well, I’ve done at least two. But, you know, that’s also that illustrates the point too. I mean, when you’re creating them, you’re creating it solely for a male audience. Like we all know that going in like nobody has any illusions of who the buying clientele is.

Céline Remy 27:21
Yeah. And so what’s fascinating is, I think, as of one moment for me, I’m watching this and I’m like, Oh, come on, this is so unrealistic. That can’t even turn me on. Because I’m like, I know how I would feel and put myself in the shoes of what’s going on. And I’m like, it’s really not my highest fantasy to have like, camo over my face at that moment. And it might happen once or twice in life. It’s not my everyday preference, you know?

Kevin Anthony 27:44
And wait a minute, you know, one of my stories, right? from one of my ex-lovers. She used to request that some women like it.

Céline Remy 27:53
Exactly. But I’m really curious here is okay, what do you think is the worst thing that guys can pick up from porn? Because they watching it? Like what’s the mistake that guys are doing when they’re watching porn? thinking they’re gonna learn some good thing like, what is it that they’re not understanding or the mistake that’s in there for them to avoid?

Erik Everhard 28:17
Well, I think like if I’m going to step back and look at it from a porn perspective, number one is going to be angled. Right? Because the angles that anatomically feel good, don’t show anything to the camera. Understand that, right? Like, like, I’m, I am. I’m completely torquing my hips open the entire time. I’m never having sex. On a straight angle ever. I’m always on a 45-degree angle because that is required for the camera. Pussy eating porno is the worst because I mean, I get it right.

Erik Everhard 29:00
Like they want us to try and cheat our headway open an outstretched arm. Like it’s like, nobody puts you like that ever. I mean, my jaw is killing me just trying to be like, but again, it’s for a visual context, right? Because, you know, when I had my own production company, my camera crew would always be pissed off because I’m just eating pussy. I’m like, fucking No, I’m getting off.

Erik Everhard 29:28
So they don’t see anything. They’re just like, come up with I’m like, No, fuck off. Like, I’d rather get the emotion out of her face, and actually get something real. And then let’s continue on. right because one of the main things that I always strive to achieve was to make her forget for that 45 minutes that anyone was in the room.

Erik Everhard 29:54
So that’s, you know because I used to always say, because I had people ask me like, well If you were to become one of the best porn actors in the world, what does it take? It takes five things, right? So number one, you have to be able to get a hard-on, in any situation at any time very fast in front of a whole bunch of strangers, right?

Erik Everhard 30:15
Number two, you should be able to produce a come shot within a minute of being asked at any time. Number three, you should be, you don’t need to be hung like a horse, but you should be above average. And number four, you should be decently good looking, that doesn’t mean you need to be Brad Pitt.

Erik Everhard 30:34
But if you know, he looked like a troll, you’re never gonna be a superstar, right? And then number five was the most important, you need to be able to extract something out of the woman that would not have taken place if you specifically were not in the scene with her.

Céline Remy 30:55
This is so powerful, because now we’re starting to get into the dynamics of polarity, we’re starting to get into the dynamics that well, and it’s something you talk about in your book, too. And that’s things we’ve talked about on the show a lot where Yes, a woman is the one who’s responsible for saying yes to the action happening, but then the man is the one leading the show.

Céline Remy 31:17
And working, you know, having work with thousands of clients by now is one of the thing that I do see is a lot of men don’t understand that concept. And that’s actually the most important thing I can teach your men is you have to fucking take the lead. Like, even if she’s strong, even if she says she doesn’t need it, she will want it and if you do, you will take her to new levels of pleasure than she’s haven’t she haven’t even been to and she doesn’t know is even possible.

Céline Remy 31:47
And when you do that, that’s how you dick-matize her that’s how you get her to be like in love with you. It’s not because you knew the triple-digit tongue move or whatever, fucking move things, you know, you know, and it’s really just about how you show up. And, and I would like for you to speak more about that mental aspect that it takes.

Céline Remy 32:07
And do you have any tips for the regular Joe, whoever’s listening to our show today, to go from that place of like, average, right? Or like, yeah, to that elite sexual skills that you’re talking about, that you can achieve? What would be their first step?

Erik Everhard 32:24
Well, so this goes into exactly what you’re talking about. And I’ve come across this with a lot of clients myself. There’s an extreme amount of fear that they’re dealing with. I think a big part of Hollywood. I think a big part is television. The MTV generation, right? It’s, you know, they all have this idea, like, because the, you know, you just look at society today.

Erik Everhard 32:59
It’s like, oh, well, toxic masculinity, masculinity is bad, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? Over and over, you know, men bad. That’s basically, you know, what, it comes down to men bad. And so these guys are thinking in their mind, Well, okay, she says that she doesn’t want XYZ, right. What they don’t realize is, there’s always been this disconnect. You know, it was, I really, really noticed it, because we would talk about it when I was doing my NLP studies.

Erik Everhard 33:31
And they had a great way of framing it. And it was, behavior is the highest form of information. Which is so true, you know, and that’s where you end up with this. You know, kind of paradox that happens, right? And I talked about it a lot where it’s like, well, you know, you have this idea of consented by real consent, especially in a sexual space is implicit. It’s hardly ever explicit.

Erik Everhard 34:02
Because the more explicit you make it, the less warning everybody suddenly becomes. Right, like I mean, I know this one guy that he, he wanted to do a whole consent pledge, and, you know, go on a date with someone and before even going on the date, they need to sign this whole, you know, three-page fucking form that says,

Erik Everhard 34:23
Well, you know, if, if in case we decide to have sex at one point, bla bla, bla, bla bla, that you say, Yes, I’m like, Oh, my God. I mean, your pussy is gonna drive like a racing.

Céline Remy 34:34
Yeah. Yeah, you’re correct, you know,

Erik Everhard 34:38
so. So what guys need to understand just in the first place, is that you really have to be paying attention to the woman and you need to be paying attention to behavior, you know, well, you know, and, and, you know, in today’s you know, political climate. It’s, it’s a little dicey See, but it’s just its reality. Right?

Erik Everhard 35:03
You know, and everybody’s like, well, No means no blah, blah, blah. It’s like, Well, yes and no, because someone can say, Oh, no, no, no, you know, I’m but they just sit there, and they’re waiting for you to try again.

Kevin Anthony 35:17
Now I’m also he plays this game with me all the time. So but in our case, the thing is, is that we’ve talked about this ahead of time. And so she’s already told me that if if she doesn’t give me a really strong No, absolutely not that I’m going to bed if I don’t get that kind of reaction if I get a no, not really or, you know, then I already know that, that there’s a possibility there and that I should pursue that.

Kevin Anthony 35:43
But that’s because we’ve discussed that ahead of time. And this is I think one of the things this is actually a whole nother show and interview like the topic, but this is one of the things that is so confusing for men, which is that we are being told in our society that yes means yes, No means no maybe means no, that’s what most people are being taught.

Kevin Anthony 36:04
And these guys are all afraid of being accused of, you know, overstepping boundaries. And yet on the other end, the woman’s not always that clear with her. Yes. And her No, no. Is she Yeah, and

Erik Everhard 36:16
and, and the woman wants you to want to see if you’ll overstep a boundary. That’s a false boundary. Yeah. Right. Because if you’re not willing to do it, then are you worthy. So there becomes a lot of different psychological pieces that sort of end up wrapped all together with that, right?

Kevin Anthony 36:32
Yeah, that’s a that is a, we might, maybe we’ll have you back to do a whole nother episode just on that topic. Because I know a lot of guys have this question where they go? How the fuck am I supposed to know what to do? That’s a really common question. She says this, but then she does that. And then you know, and it’s changing all the time. And I know, a lot of guys get really frustrated with that.

Kevin Anthony 36:54
So I don’t want to digress too much into that one. But yeah, but so one of the things

Erik Everhard 37:00
well, I’ll say just to the guys out there is like, first, you know, bolder is always better. Because chances are, you are, you are being so timid, that nothing’s going to happen, you know, and

Erik Everhard 37:17
you are the one that is going to create the experience. Like as a guy, it’s your job, you know, you are going to be the one that is creating the container creating the entire experience, you know, and the woman’s going to flow into it like water, but it but you’re going to be the the the bucket, you know, as an analogy.

Erik Everhard 37:37
So you have to, you gotta lead and if you’re not, you know, the polarity is just not gonna be there. And polarity is so key, you know, I mean, it’s like, the more you can be in your masculine, the more she can be in her feminine, or I’ve seen vice versa, that works too, right? But you need that polarity. Because if you’re, you know, buddies thing, you’re sitting on a couch watching Netflix, and that’s it. Nothing’s happening.

Kevin Anthony 38:10
Absolutely. We’ve done multiple episodes on polarity, we’ve given public talks on it, we think it is one of the most important things that you should know, understand and know how to work within a relationship and what amazes us all the time, is how few people are out there really talking about it.

Erik Everhard 38:30
Oh, yeah, polarity is key. Key. And, you know, the other thing that guys need to understand is, you know, I talked about in my book, you know, they have this idea in their mind that you know, sex with this girl, that girl blah, blah, blah, like, it’s gonna be suddenly this panacea, like it’s this whole magical thing.

Erik Everhard 38:53
And then when I tell them I said, No, it’s there all the fucking same. like, you’re the one that’s making it a porn star level sex. Like I have seen. I kid you not. I have seen some women that are literal man-eaters. That paired with the wrong guy. It’s like watching a little Pussycat, and you’re just like, God, is that the same woman? No. Because, you know, it’s, it’s like she’s a Ferrari, but she’s being driven by a janitor.

Erik Everhard 39:24
You know, now Michael Schumacher. And you really get to see that, you know, crystal clear, you know, especially in my business, as I’ve really seen it where I’m just like, Oh my God. That it’s really the man’s you know, it’s his job to create the sexual experience to lead it forward. And to make the action happen.

Kevin Anthony 39:52
Yeah, we have a friend. This woman she’s a multi six-figure earner entrepreneur. Like really doing amazing stuff in the world. And she’s dating. And she’s always finding these guys that aren’t quite living up to her standards. So what we keep telling her is, you’ve got to find a guy that’s so much more alpha than you are under percent.

Kevin Anthony 40:18
And she’s, she kind of understands it, but she hasn’t quite gotten there yet. But it’s, you know when it’s a third party, it’s so much easier to see, right? Like, we look at her dynamic, and we’re like, oh, we know exactly what you need.

Erik Everhard 40:29
Well, yeah, cuz because it can only go two ways. She has to either find some guy that’s literally going to Yeah, like, put her in her place completely. Or she has to go the other route and decide, okay, I’m going to wear the pants, and then finally find the most feminine guy. And that will work as well because I’m seeing that we actually had a name for that in porno.

Erik Everhard 40:51
Oh, yeah, like, not to digress, but it was kind of funny. You know, because there’s this stereotypical, you’d say like, suitcase pimp, right? Where it’s like the guys controlling the girl. There’s another type. And it’s the baggage handler. Haha, the baggage. I just learned something new. I’ve never heard that. Oh, my God. No, I’ve seen it a couple of times in a year. Just it’s shocking all because I mean, you get this meek little guy. And I mean, literally, he is being yelled at by her.

Erik Everhard 41:20
He is bringing her bags to set. She is literally like, Hey, sit down there Shut up, wipe the come off my face. But like I mean, and he’s just like, Yes, ma’am. Yes, ma’am. Yeah, like just, I mean, and it works. You know, like, you look at it from the outside. And you say, That’s strange. But I mean, she is so masculine. And the only reason it works is because he is so feminine.

Erik Everhard 41:41
And they and they have a relationship and it works. Amazing. So we usually have a question we ask all of our guests and they all blush, but we know with you, we’re not gonna get you to blush.

Kevin Anthony 41:53
But this is gonna be an easy one for you.

Céline Remy 41:54
It’s gonna be the easy one. So we want to know, Erik, what’s your best sexual talent?

Erik Everhard 41:59
Oh, pussy eating. Easy, by far.

Kevin Anthony 42:06
So So it’s interesting because Celine was reading your chapter on that in your book? Uh-huh. And so than over breakfast weird, I think was breakfast, right? Yeah. Yesterday, we’re talking about it. So we were talking about what was written in the book, and she’s like, did you know and I’m over there going? Uh, huh.

Kevin Anthony 42:22
What do you think I do to you every time she’s like, really, really had no idea you were doing so much when you were down there.

Céline Remy 42:30
And as full disclosure, I was like, I’ve only leg going gun down on a woman maybe like five times. So I’m not at all an expert, you know, and that’s why I was like, I need to really understand. And I was like, trying to ask Kevin and I was reading your book. I was like, Oh, this, I remember like you were doing something like this, you know.

Céline Remy 42:45
So, yes. If you want to know how to eat pussy like a pro, Erik has it down in his book. He also offers to coach and so much more. So why don’t you tell our audience where they can find more of you?

Erik Everhard 42:59
Well, if they go to my website, www.erikeverhard.com. That’s Erik with a K. They can find my book. And they can reach out to me about my professional one on one coaching services as well.

Céline Remy 43:15
Awesome. And you are on Instagram and your book title is activity superpower book

Erik Everhard 43:23
Unleash your sexual superpowers. It’s available now in stores everywhere. So you guys can go pick it up on Amazon, or Barnes and Noble chapters. It’s out there.

Céline Remy 43:37
It’s actually really good. I have not fully read it. Full disclosure, I’m still in it. But I’m going to finish it because I like it. And you know, has been working as a sex coach for like nine years now, I’ve learned a lot of things in this arena. And it’s very often I hear people giving very bad advice.

Céline Remy 43:57
And what I loved about Erik’s book is that he is real,  gives you good advice that actually will work in real life. It’s not about a technique. It has more to do with just how you show up your mental game. And yes, techniques can help. But it’s not the only thing. So you’ll get a lot of very valuable information in that book. So go get it and read it and then put it into action.

Erik Everhard 44:23
Yeah, you definitely have to, you know, it’s one thing to you know, absorb just knowledge, but at some point, you need to put in into action and get out there and experiment.

Céline Remy 44:34
Mm-hmm.

Kevin Anthony 44:35
All right. Well, you know, we still I mean, even skipped a whole bunch of questions here. But we are definitely out of time for this episode. So it was a fascinating conversation. Thanks, Eric, for coming on. And, yeah, we will see everybody next week.

Erik Everhard 44:50
You betcha. Thank you very much.

Kevin Anthony 44:57
We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 45:04
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 45:18
Thanks for listening,

Céline Remy 45:20
and remember, you’re amazing.