This Is What Great Sex Is

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single, or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Oh, right. Welcome back to the Love Lab podcast is episode 191. And it’s titled, this is what great sex is. So the idea for this show came from the fact that sometimes when we work with clients, or even when we talk with just friends of ours, and we talk about sex because that’s kind of what we talk about.

Kevin Anthony 0:52
When we do that, we realize sometimes that some people don’t even understand what’s possible in the realms of sex, right? So in other words, we have a conversation, we talked to somebody about, you know, you could make love for 40 minutes or an hour-long, and they go, why would you want to do that?

Kevin Anthony 1:13
Right? Because they don’t truly understand what’s possible in the realm of sexuality, like, how great could sex really be. So in other words, you know, whether it’s, you know, a man who can make it to seven minutes long, and he thinks that’s amazing, right. And he doesn’t realize how much better it could be if he was able to last longer.

Kevin Anthony 1:36
Or say, a woman who chases that first clip orgasm, and thinks that’s the greatest thing ever, not realizing how much more powerful those deeper levels of orgasm could be, if she allowed herself to go there. And so what we wanted to do in this episode is, we wanted to basically show you what’s possible in the realm of great sex. So we’re going to talk about, you know, what do most people think is great sex? What do women specifically think is great sex? What do men think is great sex,

Kevin Anthony 2:10
and then we have a whole section on things that people, components of great sex that many people are aware of, like things they don’t think of. And sometimes what happens with these things is they’ll have great sex. And they’re like, Wow, that was amazing. But they don’t realize what it really was that made it amazing, like what made that particular session better than say others, and sometimes they don’t, they’re not even aware of it.

Kevin Anthony 2:40
So we have a whole segment on components of great sex that many people aren’t aware of. And then we’re going to give you some tips and ways to help facilitate or create great sex.

Céline Remy 2:50
You know, what’s fascinating is I was looking at different studies. And in many studies, it seems that stamina doesn’t make it really number one, in terms of what does it mean for great sex for women? I’m specifically talking about what women think is great sex. And I was a bit surprised because ultimately, I mean, I know a lot of women are like, I don’t want it to last too long. I’ve got other things to do . Why would I spend so much time on it? It’s good the way it is.

Céline Remy 3:18
But I think like you don’t know what you don’t know. And that until you reach those places that hopefully will be able to tempt you and describe to you you don’t really understand it and that’s why stamina doesn’t always make it number one in terms of like what makes a difference in their ability to orgasm.

Céline Remy 3:36
But let’s be real a man who can only last minutes versus a man who can last you know, like a half-hour 45 minutes you go to different places. A free minutes quickie is not the same as 45 minutes to an hour-long lovemaking session. It’s just not comparable.

Kevin Anthony 3:54
Yeah, I think there are two reasons why it doesn’t make it to the top of the list for women. Number one is that you know 40 minutes of bad sex is still 40 minutes of bad sex right?

Céline Remy 4:10
It’s long.

Kevin Anthony 4:11
There’s no other way to put it in other words, women aren’t getting the sex that they want. Right? So I think that’s kind of the primary reason that it doesn’t make it to the top of the list for women.

Kevin Anthony 4:23
The second is is that length isn’t really what’s most important for women and it’s honestly it’s those things that are later on in the show the all those things about like you may not have thought of those are the things that really make sex great for it, but not just women. They make sex great for men too, but I think for women, some of those things are a little bit more important.

Kevin Anthony 4:45
And so they would rather have those even if the sex is shorter, than not have those and have long. I think it’s it’s more of a matter of priority that that’s my personal opinion. But when we get to what women want about sex.

Kevin Anthony 5:01
So then you will have an opportunity to tell us exactly what women want from your perspective as a woman. So we’ll find out if I am correct in my assumptions or not.

Céline Remy 5:11
All right before we continue diving in deep into the subject of great sex, sex, give a big shout out to our sponsor of today’s show, which is power and mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men.

Céline Remy 5:30
Whether you want to have harder erections last long here, or increase your sexual skills, there is something for you at power and mastery.com. I want to start by saying first, that great sex is different for a lot of people. However, there are some important generalities. So I want you to keep that in mind as we are going through some of the lists and ideas that we have today.

Céline Remy 5:55
That is an opinion and that it won’t work for everyone. However, it’s a great starting point. Yes.

Kevin Anthony 6:03
So for everybody who’s gonna go, that’s not great, or I don’t like that, or I’d rather have something else. Just calm down, we realize that it is a little different for everybody. But we’re gonna give you the general formula.

Céline Remy 6:17
You know, the good thing too about if you are like saying, Hey, that’s not great, I’d rather have this well, yeah, then this show was a success because we helped you have clarity around what you wanted by knowing what you don’t want. Sometimes that’s where you have to start.

Kevin Anthony 6:32
It’s important to know what you don’t want. I was just working with a client recently. And he was great. He had his whole list of all the things he wanted in a woman I said, What do you have your list of deal-breakers, the things you don’t want. And he was like, write that one down. It’s important to know what you don’t want.

Céline Remy 6:55
Now, great sex is all about achievement and being a great lover to your particular partner. want to repeat that, that it’s being a great lover to the person you are within that moment? Meaning that what worked with somebody may not work again with the next person.

Céline Remy 7:14
And it’s not so much about copying something that you saw in a movie, or something you’ve heard a friend talk about reading in a magazine, don’t compare yourself in your sex life to porn, because porn is entertainment. It’s not education. And don’t believe the locker rooms talk.

Céline Remy 7:33
Especially guys. I’m sorry to have to say that. But I think a lot of men tend to not be absolutely honest. When it comes to that.

Kevin Anthony 7:42
How do you know what we are talking about in the locker room?

Céline Remy 7:45
I’ve heard the little fly

Kevin Anthony 7:52
Yeah, men talk a lot of shit is what you’re trying to say. Is Yes. Not everything they say is truthful. Mm-hmm. exaggeration? embellishments? Yes, outright falsities.

Kevin Anthony 8:08
Alright, so let’s start with what most people think is great sex. So again, you know, if you hear this and you’re like, that sounds like terrible sex to me. Great that you’re already advanced. But let me just tell you what we think most people think is great sex. Alright, number one, it lasts about 10 minutes-ish.

Kevin Anthony 8:29
Now, I’m telling you, we have heard this over and over and over again. People are like, Oh, my God, I had had the greatest sex last night. Oh, my God, it was so amazing. We were like 10 minutes long. And you’re like, wait 1010 minutes, like, not even warmed up at 10 minutes?

Kevin Anthony 8:49
Yeah, I haven’t even gotten lubrication to the joints yet.

Kevin Anthony 8:53
Like 10 minutes, really. However, as we have said so many times on this show before, we know from the average studies that men last on average, from three to five minutes in one study five to seven minutes. In another study. I heard somebody quote 10 Recently, but I’ve never actually seen that in the actual literature.

Kevin Anthony 9:13
But anyway, I suppose if you’re used to five minutes of sex and you get 10 minutes of sex doubles. A pleasure. Yeah, exactly. You’re thinking this is great to say, Oh my God, it was 10 minutes, right? Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 9:28
Yeah, we’ll talk more about that later.

Céline Remy 9:31
Another thing is that it has to end in an orgasm. And usually, it’s for both so they think if it ended in orgasm, then that was great sex. You know that.

Kevin Anthony 9:41
This is something we’re talking about more as we get further on in the show, but it’s like one of those things where, oh, it wasn’t good. If I didn’t have an orgasm, especially men. Men think this all the time. The reason you think that men are is because you haven’t done all the other things we’re going to talk about as the show goes on. I have I have literally

Kevin Anthony 10:01
I have had entire multi hour-long sex sessions that did not end in an orgasm that left me. So, like worn-out exhausted in a good way and altered that I was like, wow, that was truly amazing sex and there were zero orgasms. So it’s totally possible.

Céline Remy 10:20
Number three is that it is a mostly if not purely physical act. So it’s like, we got so added. And it was all like body-centric,

Céline Remy 10:30
which makes it great. And by the way, there’s nothing wrong with that. We just want you to expand like this is kind of the starting point where people are at. And let’s just talk about the last point, which is that has to have at least a little bit of foreplay, some foreplay so like.

Céline Remy 10:44
Okay, if I got some foreplay, and we focused on our bodies, ended an orgasm, and lasted the whole 10 minutes, we reached the great sex destination. Yeah. So this, this list literally comes from working with 1000s of people, you know, and their sex lives. And it’s like, that’s what most people would consider. Wow, that was great sex. So we are here to tell you that this is a great starting point.

Céline Remy 11:10
And we are going to expand the views.

Kevin Anthony 11:11
Yeah, I do want to say if you are doing all of those things, congratulations, you’re having better sex than most. But is it truly great sex, I am going to challenge you and say it’s not even though you might think that it is. And you’ll understand why as we go along.

Céline Remy 11:32
Alright, so let’s get to what women think is great sex.

Kevin Anthony 11:36
Oh, I didn’t actually read your list.

Céline Remy 11:39
Yeah, we all took our agenda-specific lists. So I will be sharing this and share your list afterward because the men will come second. Haha.

Kevin Anthony 11:52
Should be women should always come first.

Céline Remy 11:56
Alright, so here’s what happens. What do women really think is great sex. Number one, it starts before you get her naked. Okay, so you want to be able to fuck with her head?

Céline Remy 12:09
Game, right? Exactly, in a good way, healthy way. But we think like we can get turned on by using our head or imagination way ahead. So if that gets started way beyond, we are, you’re already ahead of the game, basically. And then it just makes it so much better. So that’s a very important part.

Céline Remy 12:30
Because sometimes men tend to forget that it is an essential part for us to get the mental part and peace. And then, you know, like, Oh, she wasn’t really interested or in the mood, but it’s like, how much have you been playing with her mind? How much? Have you been flirting with her? How much have you been teasing her prior to the kind of seeing that?

Céline Remy 12:50
That arousal and that sexual energy, if you haven’t, then it’s a lot to ask her to, to be able to just drop everything and get in the moment. Number two, it’s about letting go of control. And this is a really important point.

Céline Remy 13:08
Because whether or not you’re doing power, dynamic play, or not like it’s not exactly where we’re going with that. But letting go of control is that while we are very excited to be able to be in charge and make things happen, I find in my experience that the best sex I have is when I totally surrender and let go.

Céline Remy 13:32
And that’s that place of letting go of control not doing. I have great sex if I’m the one in charge and directing everything. Yes. But do I go to higher states of pleasure and just a different place? If I’m totally letting go of that control? And opening up? Absolutely. And this is what really makes great sex great and is an essential component.

Céline Remy 13:56
But it takes a very strong man to take a woman to that place for her to let go of control. Question. Yes.

Kevin Anthony 14:05
Which one of those two things do you think gets you there more often?

Céline Remy 14:10
Oh, it’s a good question. I’d say honestly, the letting go of control and having this strong man, probably. But I kind of really like the other one too.

Kevin Anthony 14:23
So you could potentially do both right? Where you could be more in charge to a point. And then you could let go? Yeah. Alright, so you can cut you can get both in there.

Céline Remy 14:36
It’s not one or the other, not just like, hey, I’m submissive and he does everything he wants to me. Like there’s a dynamic, it’s a playfulness to it, but it’s also really playing with these two energies and getting me to that place of like really that letting go because, in today’s society, we are so rarely giving ourselves permission

Céline Remy 15:00
To fully let go, we constantly running after things, getting things done doing this doing that. And it’s rare for us to exhale.

Céline Remy 15:10
And so when we can reach those places, it makes a big difference. Okay, number three a fight women think is great sex is all about having a sensual experience, that also includes kissing, you know, what we do like the hot zones to be stimulated, we really appreciate the sensuality of sexuality, including our entire body, bringing in all of our senses.

Céline Remy 15:36
So it’s not just the touch, but the tastes, the sights, the smells like all of that can be included. So if you bring that sensuality, and I think kissing includes a lot of our senses, and it does make for great sex, if you include some kissing,

Céline Remy 15:54
we also want to have a connection and emotional intimacy. And that’s a difficult one to fully explain, because a lot of men that say, but I’m right here anyway, like, well, but you’re not really here with me, because maybe you’re fantasizing about what we are about to do.

Céline Remy 16:14
Or you are thinking about another great sexual experience you had, are you imagining what it’d be like to have a threesome as we are here together? That doesn’t foster the connection and the emotional intimacy. Maybe you’re right there with her, but you’re not willing to show your own emotional side of vulnerability.

Céline Remy 16:34
And you’re just like, into the TAF role, which you like, well, but that’s what you said you wanted, you wanted to let go of control. So I have to be in my, tough spot. And it’s like, Yes, you too. And we also wanted to be in that place where you can be vulnerable and have that emotional connection and intimacy.

Céline Remy 16:52
What makes great sex is communication and communication that could lead to trying new things. Also, communication is not so much about talking endlessly about things, but just communication about what do I like, what do I want?

Céline Remy 17:06
What do you want like, let’s try something new, this type of communication makes for great sex, we always say communication is lubrication. Because again, the more you can be specific, and you can share, you get what you want, which leads to great sex.

Céline Remy 17:21
And then last but not least, it’s all about taking time to build a rapport so and so it’s kind of a full circle with what we started when we talked about starting before you get naked to fuck with her head, but then also to take time to warm up her body. I shared the examples the other day with one of my clients has the idea that for men, mostly you, we would like you to fire this fiery energy, well as women would be more like the water.

Céline Remy 17:52
And as you try to heat water, if anybody has ever tried to boil water, which we’ve all done, you know, takes a little while to get it there. You know, you can flip the lighter and the flame goes on in the fires going. But the water takes longer. So remember that we women are more like water. So taking time to build the arousal will lead to greater experience. Plus, once the water is boiling, it’s sustained for longer, while the fire can wear off pretty quickly. Once the water is ball rolling. It’s like oh, yeah, rolling.

Céline Remy 18:27
So these are the six components of what women think is great sex, they are not an exhaustive list, but I think they’re a great place to start. If you put these into practice, you can definitely take her to new heights.

Kevin Anthony 18:42
And so those come from your personal experience, but also from working with a lot of women and what do they say they want? What what do they say works for them? Yes. So. Okay, so next is I don’t know if you read my list. Did you have it? Oh, no. So it’s going to be very different as you would expect.

Kevin Anthony 19:03
But that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that, you’ll see that there’s probably

Kevin Anthony 19:08
there are probably not that many things that are the same on the list. But that doesn’t mean that Oh crap. Like we’re completely opposite. How are we ever going to have great sex it doesn’t mean that at all, it just means that you each put some energy and attention into adding in the things that you know, the other one likes and wants.

Kevin Anthony 19:28
Okay, number one, she really wants you to want to make love with you longs for you to penetrate her. For me as a man there is literally nothing better than when a woman is like, I need you in me right now. And the thing is, this is that, and we’ve actually been talking about this a bit lately, which is that like, sometimes, you know, due to the stresses of life or whatever, maybe one of us

Kevin Anthony 20:00
is not as revved up for sex in a particular moment as the other one is. And the other one, like, you know, let’s say just for the sake of it, maybe you had a really stressful day and you’re really kind of tired and you got a lot going on in your mind. And you’re like, I want to have sex with you because I commit to that, but

Kevin Anthony 20:19
I’m not as into it as I normally am. I’ll feel that right. And I’ll be like, Okay, it’s a little bit harder for me to get into it, then. However, when she, when any woman is like, I must have you, you just you need to just fuck me open. Like, that makes almost any, it almost doesn’t matter what else happens during that session? It’s gonna be great.

Kevin Anthony 20:43
Okay, number two, time disappears. This is a huge one. For me. It’s like when I’m making love, I don’t want to think about the fact that there are other things even happening in the world other than just sex right now, like, so, you know, I say this all the time, like, well, we don’t have a lot of time.

Kevin Anthony 21:01
I’m like, fuck time. I don’t care about time, you know, like, time does not exist to me when we’re making love. It is however long it is I never go, oh, it’s been 40 minutes, we should probably wrap it up. Fuck that.

Céline Remy 21:14
I do. Full disclosure.

Kevin Anthony 21:18
So yeah, and you’re right. Sometimes you do, because there’s a lot of stuff going on your head about what has to be done and this and that, and blah, blah, blah. So for me, for it to be really great, we have to just not give a shit about time. All right, number three, she has multiple waves of orgasmic energy.

Kevin Anthony 21:36
That is one of my favorite things when it comes to sex is that I can help facilitate for you multiple waves of just your sexual energy peaking and then coming back down and then peeking again. And every time it goes a little bit higher, it’s even more intense for me. And it’s just like, I feel like I say this all the time. Like I think I stuck my penis in an electrical socket. Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Not a real electrical socket.

Kevin Anthony 22:05
But just yet taking her through those multiple waves.

Kevin Anthony 22:10
Number four, there’s a deep feeling of love involved. And this is this, you know, when you’re younger, as a man, you probably don’t think about this at all. You’re just like, oh, it’s all about the physical. Oh, the sensations, the friction, oh, the orgasm, right? Those are all the things you think about when you’re young.

Kevin Anthony 22:28
As you get older, you want more than that. You’re like, Okay, that’s great. That was awesome. And is so much better. When you have sex with somebody where you have that deep emotional connection.

Kevin Anthony 22:43
Some people can go there with almost anybody, most cannot most need to have some sort of established relationship in depth. And it just makes it better. That’s why people tend to report and this is true. In the studies, when they ask people that are say dating who have a lot of sex, you know, with multiple different people.

Kevin Anthony 23:07
Like what how they feel about the quality of their sex life, you know, the satisfaction of their sex life, versus committed couples who maybe have significantly less sex. The committed couples always report a higher level of satisfaction in their sex life, even though they’re technically having less sex.

Kevin Anthony 23:24
And the reason is because of that deep emotional connection that is present when you have a relationship. Okay. Number five, she is open to trying new things. That is a big one for me. Because sometimes I just want to do something different. Like even if it’s not really even that great. It’s just different.

Kevin Anthony 23:42
You know, it’s like let’s just do something different. This response is spontaneous. Let’s make love in a different room or on the floor spontaneously, or try different positions or like I don’t know, whatever.

Kevin Anthony 23:55
Number six. Oh, yeah, she screams your name.

Kevin Anthony 24:00
Oh, come on, guys. Come on. You know you love it.

Kevin Anthony 24:03
If you can take her to the place where she was genuinely screaming your name not doing it just because she knows you want to hear but because she literally cannot help it. Yeah, that’s great sex.

Céline Remy 24:15
Well, what about maybe? Oh, god.

Kevin Anthony 24:19
Okay, that works too. It’s even better when it’s my name.

Kevin Anthony 24:24
You know, I mean, anyway, we won’t go there.

Kevin Anthony 24:29
All right. Number seven. She is so satisfied that she can’t wait until the next time. So, you know, for me, like, when you’re laying there, and that sort of post-sex euphoria, you know, and you’re just like, Man, that was amazing. And she’s just already in her mind thinking like, Wow, I can’t wait till we can experience that again. Yeah, that was great sex.

Kevin Anthony 24:56
And oh, and number eight, the last one. She thinks you are the best lover that she’s ever had.

Céline Remy 25:05
I don’t think we need to add anything to that one.

Kevin Anthony 25:08
You can, you can still have great sex and still think well, I’ve had other lovers that were spectacular, however, like if we’re really saying like the ultimate great sex. Yeah, as a guy, I know we have egos, whatever, you know, we’re not, we’re not perfect people.

Kevin Anthony 25:28
But if we really do a good job and really satisfy it, and really make love to her, like she’s never been made love to before it, she’s like, my God, that was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. That is like, to me, that’s the ultimate achievement.

Céline Remy 25:44
So while you may think that the list was so different, I noticed that we had a couple of things that were similar. You talked about the deep feeling of love, I talked about the connection and emotional intimacy, it’s also the love. So that’s the same. You talked about trying new things, or had the communication and trying new things. What’s interesting, though, is that you were talking about how,

Céline Remy 26:09
how she totally wants you to make love, she longs for you. And I was talking about letting go of control. And you know that that’s kind of like, basically we talking about the same thing from a different angle, because for her to be like longing for you, and being in that place has to be able to let go of control.

Kevin Anthony 26:28
Yeah. And that’s the ultimate receptivity. Right. Last I need you to penetrate me is the ultimate receptivity.

Céline Remy 26:36
Yeah. So I see like, some of the things are definitely, definitely similar. So this is, this is good. You survived that, right.

Céline Remy 26:48
So before we go to our components of great sex that people aren’t aware of, we’re going to give you some new tips, we think, or we hope, we’d like to invite you if you are committed couples who is stuck in a rut and just going through the daily motions, instead of connecting the way you used to, and you feel tired of sale mechanical sex that likes spontaneity, and you want great sex, and no longer have a life of just average, then Kevin, and I would like to invite you to join our highly sexed power couple platinum program,

Céline Remy 27:19
if you give us 90 days, we will help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually, so that you can thrive with more passion and purpose in life. Go to kevinanthonycoaching.com/passion to learn more about this life-changing program.

Kevin Anthony 27:36
That’s right. So if at the beginning of this show, when we talked about what most people think is great sex, if you’re not even there, or if that’s as far as you’ve gone, you need to hire us because we will take you to that next level.

Céline Remy 27:49
So let’s start talking about maybe new components that I think people like you because you don’t know what you don’t know, right? So once you start to know that there’s something else and something more you can open up your mind. And then that’s when you can start to feel new things. So number one, it can last, you know, at least 40 minutes.

Kevin Anthony 28:12
Yeah, this is, you know, we’ve heard this numerous, numerous times. But there is one particular time that stands out in my mind. And I know we’ve told this story on the show before but I’ll say it again, we had some friends over a couple for dinner. And we were talking about sex, as we often do. And we mentioned having long sex. And then the male in the couple literally looked at me and said, Why would you want to do that?

Kevin Anthony 28:43
And the reason I always say this is the examples because it literally blew my mind. I’m like, What do you mean? Why would you want to do that? That’s like saying, why would you want $10 million?

Kevin Anthony 28:56
Like, doesn’t everybody want $10 million? I mean, there might be a couple of people maybe like, I don’t know, a monk living in a cave who’s like money means nothing to me. But in the real world where we all have to live, we would love to have $10 million, right? Because then we wouldn’t have to worry, we wouldn’t have to stress we wouldn’t have to work so hard. It can make life easier.

Kevin Anthony 29:13
It can make life harder but it can make life easier. So yeah, that’s a huge one to me. So when we’re talking about components is great sex that many people aren’t aware of, in our opinion, and you can talk more about this. And then because you’ve talked about this a lot about what happens at that roughly 40 ish minute mark that really shifts the entire experience of sex.

Céline Remy 29:35
from a woman’s perspective, we have a harder time being so focused on one thing, so for most males, the single focus they can go straight into sex and be right there. Because we have this diffuse awareness. We can juggle so many things at once. It makes it hard for us to fully come and be present. Sometimes we spontaneously get there but most of the time, we have to work at it.

Céline Remy 30:00
And so I noticed that it takes about 20 minutes for our mind to start to come down and to be like, Okay, now moving from my head into my body, once you’re in that 20 minutes, it takes about that same amount of time for me and for many women to be able to go into higher states of pleasure into a place where you go beyond just the logical mind where you can start to feel outward without taking any substances, but just from being high on the energy, and you can’t fake that that can’t happen in 40 seconds.

Céline Remy 30:39
And you can’t make it like you can’t will yourself to get there, you have to get yourself into a place where the mind gets turned off, you start to feel your body more and more, you go on waves of pleasure go up and down and up and down enough time that then all the sudden you feel like you’ve transitioned into a different dimension. And that only happens if you have enough time.

Kevin Anthony 31:03
Yeah, I imagine there are probably a few women out there that can get there really quick. But they are way the outliers here. I mean, even in the tantra community that we spent a lot of time with, I had several lovers who were well known in the tantra world.

Kevin Anthony 31:21
Even they couldn’t get there that quickly. Like they just couldn’t. I’ve seen some women try to substitute intensity for a time in order to get there. So trying to go real intense, real fast to try to get there in a shorter amount of time. But honestly,

Kevin Anthony 31:39
my experience has been that I don’t think that seems to work very well.

Kevin Anthony 31:44
At least not as well as just giving it the time for that energy to build.

Céline Remy 31:48
The problem with the intensity route is that you’re always going to need more and more and more and more to get to those places. And there comes a time where you either desensitize yourself to bed and like there’s the lower, I don’t know how you call that like less intense maneuvers, just don’t do it.

Céline Remy 32:11
And then you just constantly need more and more and more, but you feel emptier and emptier. And so I think it’s about like if you chasing the orgasm chasing the intensity, it’s very different than if you surrender into it. And then it builds up from that place where it comes to you rather than you chasing it.

Céline Remy 32:33
That was very powerful about the way the no chasing, I hope you paid attention. Because that alone that tip can transform your sexuality if you just stop chasing it, and just surrender and let go and just be with what it is. It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey.

Kevin Anthony 32:53
Alright, number two, it has multiple waves of orgasmic energy. This is another thing that I think a lot of people just simply aren’t aware of. That you can have like that people tend to think of it as linear, right? We start off at zero, we build up, we build-up, we build up to oh, we hit orgasm, and boom, then we fall back down to zero again. And so I think one of the biggest reframes for people when trying to say, okay, you know, here’s how to have great sex is that it’s not linear.

Kevin Anthony 33:26
Think of it as one of those old-school wooden roller coasters, right? Where you go out blah, blah, blah, and then shoe and then you come back down and you go up again. And you can have these wave after wave after wave of amazing orgasmic bliss.

Céline Remy 33:41
Number three is that it is a deeply connected between the two involved a freer, more actually.

Céline Remy 33:52
We are just totally like imagining that you’re in a heterosexual, like monogamous relationship, but you know, it could be any, any components you want. But really, it’s about the connection like being alone on your fantasy island does not foster connection. Being stuck in role-playing fantasies creates a sense of connection. But it’s not the deeper level. It’s kind of like, well, that’s a gateway to creating a beginning of a connection.

Céline Remy 34:27
But there comes a time when you have to let go of the outside tools and tours that helps you get there to just really be there with each other’s hearts. Yeah, and this is something I talked about a little bit earlier on in the show, which is that you know, men as we get older, this is more and more important to us.

Kevin Anthony 34:47
You know, there are stereotypes out there, though men aren’t really emotional and all they care about is the physical and you know, that’s true of some men, but it’s definitely not true of all men. And I can honestly say that the best sexual experiences I’ve ever had in my life had that component of deep deep connection, and shared love.

Céline Remy 35:10
And love this. Let’s talk about number four here. Well, it is about having a high degree of presence. And I think it’s linked to the one we just talked about, but having to be present from both parties. And that means oftentimes keeping your eyes open, not just zoning out, checking out, and being lost in the pleasure while there are times that you do let go and, and are lost in it.

Céline Remy 35:36
The presence is also so so nice to have that high eye connection breathing together, it takes it to such a new level.

Kevin Anthony 35:45
Yeah, you know, in, in regular sex that a lot of people have is because they are focusing on the destination and they’re chasing the orgasm. They’re doing whatever they need to do in order to get there, which is often going into their own fantasy, rolling their eyes back not paying attention to their partner, and just saying, How can I get my energy moving enough until I get to that orgasm that I’m so desperately seeking, right?

Kevin Anthony 36:08
But what we’re talking about here is really, really, really being present with your partner, not checking out not you know, thinking about other things, because you’re trying to last longer or not thinking about the things that have to happen in your day. And even, like you pointed out something just a moment ago that there are times when it’s okay to just do that.

Kevin Anthony 36:29
For instance, as you know, let’s say I’m giving you oral sex, I don’t need you focusing on me. You can if you want, but I don’t need you to that is me purely giving to you for the sake of wanting to give you pleasure. And in that instance in that moment. Yeah, close your eyes, put your head back, do whatever you want to do. And just enjoy and receive. That’s perfectly fine. But if you were in that same space, when we’re making loving and penetrating you, I’d be like hell

Kevin Anthony 36:59
Bueller. Bueller? Like, where are you?

Kevin Anthony 37:05
You know, so yeah, that that idea of really being present so that we’re there. And we’re, that connection is really solid the whole time really, really take sex to the next level?

Céline Remy 37:19
Right. And number five, there are multiple orgasms. It’s interesting because we talked about earlier the multiple waves of orgasmic energy. And now we’re talking about multiple orgasms. Yes. Okay.

Kevin Anthony 37:31
So the reason why I put this one on the list, multiple orgasms are not a requirement for great sex. It isn’t you can have really great sex and not even have an orgasm. Like, that’s totally possible. But if I’m making a list of components that many people may not be aware of.

Kevin Anthony 37:49
The reason it’s on the list is that a lot of people aren’t aware of the fact that multiple orgasms are a thing. Right? So I mentioned earlier in the show that you know, sometimes women that just go for that first clean orgasms like oh, oh, such a relief. Oh, thank god. Okay, I’m done. Right. So if you really want to make safe sex, great, be aware that you could potentially have multiple orgasms, and not just as a woman. Men can have multiple orgasms, too.

Kevin Anthony 38:16
If you’ve learned to separate your orgasm from ejaculation, you can indeed have multiple orgasms throughout the lovemaking session. And if you’ve ever experienced that, you know how you feel when it’s all said and done. And it’s way different than if you just built that linear line straight up from zero to orgasm and then fell off again, it’s totally different.

Céline Remy 38:40
And that was by way another truth, bomb ejaculation and orgasms are two different things. And I think there could have been a point all fits on in the components of great sex because once you understand that, you could really, really get to a higher level.

Céline Remy 38:56
All right number six, it touches you on a deep emotional level. Hmm. I love that you brought that point up because I think that yes, sex is physical. But there’s a thing of a component called sexual energy. And when people understand that it’s not just all physical, but there’s this energy, there’s something else that can get created.

Céline Remy 39:16
Then when you allow your heart to open up, maybe you have tears, that flow, maybe there’s laughter maybe there’s like this bursting love and you feel like your heart is ripping open. And there’s such this emotional wave that can take over. It’s so beautiful. And that’s not something you can fake. That’s something that takes you by surprise. It’s not something that you can go to every single time.

Céline Remy 39:45
But it’s when it happens when you have that element that surely takes sex to the next level. So understanding that that’s something that you want to bring into your lovemaking and that you don’t want to just focus so much on the physical that you forget all of the aspects that are important if you want to be able to, really take that set lovemaking to the next level, is there anything better than having both your heart and your pussy ripped wide open? Well, they both connected so no.

Kevin Anthony 40:20
Alright, number seven, it leaves you altered for the rest of the day in a good way. And it rains.

Kevin Anthony 40:29
Yeah, I mean, if you’re really doing all those things that we’re talking about here, you know, you should feel altered almost like you’ve taken a substance. And, and it lasts for longer than just the orgasm.

Céline Remy 40:41
You might still feel even Tinguely, you might feel dizzy or lightheaded. Or maybe you just like, up to mistake and light. You know, it can be like lots of different things. But when you just feel altered in a happy way, and it’s not just altered, like I need to sleep. That’s not That’s not what we’re talking about. It’s really a sense of elevation. Yeah. And then last, but not least, is about that deep feeling of love. And while you can have great casual sex, and I’ve had plenty of that, I do see.

Kevin Anthony 41:19
Really?

Céline Remy 41:21
We are coming towards the end of this show, we don’t have time, we might have to make another whole show on that. But nope.

Céline Remy 41:29
Great casual sex can happen. It’s fantastic. But there is something unique about having a deep shared feeling of love. And when you bring in the love into the lovemaking This is also what lovemaking is it’s making love like creating that. And if you can cultivate that sense of love,

Céline Remy 41:50
then it makes sense that you want to keep doing it, especially if you’ve been together for more than like, a few years. Well, you like it’s beyond the physical.

Céline Remy 42:00
Of this felt good. On the physical level. This is like this is nurturing and nourishing for your mind, heart and soul.

Kevin Anthony 42:07
Yeah, and you know, it’s possible to have a deep feeling of love, even though you may not have been in a committed relationship for a long time. It’s just it’s a lot less likely. That’s all but it’s, it’s possible. So you know, if you can great.

Kevin Anthony 42:25
And if you’re having a lot of sex that lacks that component, we strongly suggest that you try to create a relationship that allows that to come into the mix, because if it does, it’s going to take your lovemaking to a whole nother level.

Céline Remy 42:42
And I think as a kind of like little thing to leave you with for today’s show really is you know, when you want to be good at something, you study it, you use to research it, you spend time at it. And just because we are sexual beings doesn’t mean we are good at it, or we are born great at it. It’s something that we cultivate.

Céline Remy 43:01
So don’t be afraid to research, to look at books to look at are no DVDs or courses to work with coaches like us to listen to the Love Lab podcast to have a conversation with your beloved, this is what brings lovemaking to the next level. So we hope that today’s show helped you to open up your mind to what could be possible about why there are other levels. There are things I don’t know.

Céline Remy 43:30
And now I want to start to pursue that. Yes, yes, yes.

Kevin Anthony 43:36
If nothing else, we at least hope that this opens your minds to the possibility that there could be way way more out there for you to experience than what you have currently experienced thus far.

Kevin Anthony 43:50
All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week.

Kevin Anthony 44:00
We hope you like this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends. And for more free exclusive content.

Céline Remy 44:10
Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault. Thanks for listening. And remember you’re amazing.