How To Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor Muscles For Better Sex

Kevin Anthony 0:05
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, a safe and fun place to get real and learn about sex, whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and your relationships.

All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 331 and it’s titled, How to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles for better sex. So we’re going to be talking today about what you may have heard called pompoir, vaginal gymnastics, and pelvic floor strengthening. There are lots of different terms that are used for this, but basically what we’re going to be talking about is how a woman can learn to not only strengthen the muscles in her vagina but learn dexterity, learn control over them so that she can use them to have better sex. And obviously, this makes a difference to the feeling that the man has, and we’re going to get into this in the conversation. But there are, there are really benefits and reasons why the woman wants to do it that go far beyond just pleasing her man.

So I kind of want to set that straight from the beginning. If you’re if you’re coming here and you’re like, oh, yeah, whatever. I don’t care about that. I was like, trust me, you want to learn this for your own benefit. I can honestly say, from my own personal experience that all of the women who have been the best lovers I’ve ever had. Knew how to do this, whether they learned it or they just some women actually kind of instinctively know how to do it. Those have always been the best lovers that I’ve had, and at this point in my life, I actually would not continue to be long-term lovers with a woman who didn’t know how to do this, because it is that spectacular.

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But today, we’re going to be focusing a little bit more on the women, and I have with me to talk about this today, Bel di Lorenzo, she’s an entrepreneur, women’s sexual health advocate, and the author of the best-selling book The Goddess method. Her unique science-based approach is designed to help women master vaginal gymnastics, the practice of exercising pelvic floor muscles to develop skills that enhance female pleasure, boost libido and amplify orgasms. Welcome to the show Bel.

Bel Di Lorenzo 3:33
Thank you for having me. I’m so excited. I love the hot take at the beginning at the beginning, I would not be lovers with someone unable to do this. Wow.

Kevin Anthony 3:44
You know, honestly, that is the truth. So I’m Wow, as my listeners know, I’m 50 now, but somewhere around age 30, I want to say, Yeah, somewhere around that, that age, I had a lover who just knew how to do this. And the first time I was feeling this from her, I was like, this is the most amazing thing ever. Yes, all right, and I’ve been very fortunate that pretty much every every lover I’ve had since then, at least, all the major ones, including my wife, all had this skill, and it’s just become part of my world now. Like I think, and people will have a better understanding of what we’re talking about later, but I just think, like, you know, when penetrating a woman, when my penis is in her vagina, if I’m not feeling anything happening in there, other than, obviously the energetics. I’m like, something’s wrong. This is not going the way it’s supposed to be going. So, yeah, it really kind of, is that important to me?

Bel Di Lorenzo 4:55
Honestly, it’s so interesting. It reminds me of that Chris Rock stand-up. He. Goes. Man cannot go backward when it comes to sex. Like once, once a man has experienced something with a woman, he will not go back. He needs to. You still have another woman who can either do that or add to the conversation, but they cannot possibly go backward. I find that so funny and so true with this stuff.

Kevin Anthony 5:16
Yeah, well, and you know, I mean, that’s kind of true with anything. It’s like, if you reach a certain level of, you know, knowledge and intelligence, you don’t want to go back to being ignorant, right? You know, if you reach a certain level of consciousness, you don’t want to go back to being unconscious.

Bel Di Lorenzo 5:28
You’ve been red-pilled by pompoir.

Kevin Anthony 5:31
That’s right! You know it’s anything. It’s like you if you’re used to eating, you know, crappy food, and then you get to experience good quality, you know, homemade, organic food that was made with love, you know, that kind of thing. It’s like you don’t want to go back to that stuff. So same thing here, you know, once you’ve had the sort of gourmet sex, you don’t want to go back to fast food sex.

Bel Di Lorenzo 6:03
Absolutely. And I think this is a great segue into what we were describing at the beginning, of why women would want to do this for themselves. And we’ll obviously explain everything about this, but a big component of not just how she’s going to please you, and how it’s going to feel really intense because obviously she’s going to have all this texture to her vagina and everything’s going to feel really amplified because of the friction and the muscle that she’s built. It’s also going to feel so good for her that her approach to sex is going to be quite different. As you spoke about this, this improves female libido a lot like women who consistently train with this, with our method, or with their own methods of training pompoir.

A lot of them come to us because they want their libido back. A lot of them, that’s their main concern. And this has the pelvic floor training. Research shows time and time again how it boosts libido completely naturally because it increases blood flow to the general region, it increases psychological factors. And obviously you’re essentially becoming more you’re becoming more optimal at drawing blood there and making yourself more aroused. And as you increase that loop of arousal, you increase the loop of orgasm, and that makes things a whole lot better. So if you’re with a lover who really enjoys sex, that obviously makes the whole experience better for men as well.

Kevin Anthony 7:22
Why would you want to be with a lover who doesn’t enjoy sex, right? Life is too short for that. Yes, okay, so we have a lot to cover here. Let’s dive in before we go even further into why women would want to do this, and some of the benefits to that, I think we kind of need to take a step back and talk to the audience a little bit about your story and kind of what got you here, what led you to this, because I think it’s very similar to either where a lot of women are today or where they were, and so I think they’ll be able to relate to that and kind of really understand how you got here.

Bel Di Lorenzo 8:05
So it’s really interesting because I came to this from a very different perspective than most of our students come to this, which is most of our students come because they want to feel more during sex. They want to feel penetration more intensely, or perhaps they don’t even orgasm from penetration. They don’t even like it. They’re like, I understand the clitoris. I understand all of that. And that’s really pleasurable. And, you know, foreplay is fantastic, but when it comes to actual sex, and that’s something that I do for him, he enjoys it. I don’t really enjoy it, and that’s something that we always focus on. And that pompoir really changes for me. What happened was quite interesting, because I, I was the higher libido person in the relationship, and I was the person who really liked and enjoyed sex. But my partner, and this is something that we don’t often talk about, because the consensus is men always want to have sex all the time, constantly.

My partner had had some trauma in his life before, before being with me, and that was driving him to not want sex as often, and I thought it was a problem with me. And I thought, you know, how are we going to fix this? What? What are we going to do? And we tried a lot of different things to sort of see if we could sort of re-sparkle that in him, and in all my research because I really love this man, I wanted to make sure that that this was, you know, fixed, not just for me, but for him to enjoy this again, right? So I thought, okay, the best way I can do this is to bring something new to sex. There’s got to be something that he doesn’t automatically do, his brain doesn’t associate with the sex that he’s had in the past, therefore, it triggers a completely new development, a new association in his brain. So that’s in my research where I found POM POIs, and I found all these stories of women who, you know, throughout time, were able to manipulate their vaginas, to twist their men inside of them. Cleopatra was able to do this with Julius Caesar and Mark Anthony and Helen of Troy and all and all of these different women throughout history and all of these legends. Right?

I’m like, Oh, my God, this is it. This is what I want to learn how to do. Except there was no actual guide on it. There was no one teaching you how to do it. It was a lot of mystical, you know, esoteric knowledge and legends, but nobody was giving you the step-by-step. So I was like, okay, it was amidst a pandemic. So I was like, Okay, I have a lot of free time. I’m staying at home. I don’t I can’t even go to the gym. And because I really liked fitness, and I was doing my own body weight training. At the time, I was learning about muscle building, Muscle Fitness and fitness components overall, and how bodyweight exercises can help you build muscle. Because I didn’t have access to a gym because we’re in the pandemic. So I was like, well, the vaginal muscles cannot possibly be this different or this dissimilar to any other muscles in our bodies. So I started researching through that angle. And I was like, Okay, how does the pelvic floor actually work? And what’s the research that we have on pelvic floor training?

And the more I got into that rabbit hole, the more I was like, oh my god, the very little research that we do have on pelvic floor training is overwhelmingly positive, like every single study, time and time again, shows an increase in libido, an increase in orgasms. There’s one study. It’s a huge randomized control trial I believe in, and it’s, I think it’s hundreds of women, and what they noticed, essentially a report. What they noticed is that pelvic floor strength was so tied to how much these women wanted to have sex, that a strong pelvic floor was predictive of sexual frequency, as in, the stronger your pelvic floor was, then they could easily predict that you were having more sex. So when it was such a huge correlation, I was like, What’s going on here? So okay, clearly strengthening this would help. But how about we go a step further? How? Because the pelvic floor muscles, they surround the vagina. So it’s not just that we have different levels of depth, you know, the muscles surrounding the entrance of the vagina, the muscles in the middle, the muscles at the top, near the cervix. We also have the front wall. We have the back wall. We have the right half. We have the left half. So it’s, it’s surrounded, just like our mouth is surrounded by muscles. So how would this work in isolation?

So that’s when I started sort of developing, trying to move that dexterity. That’s, I love that word, because that’s, that’s the precise word for this. Instead of just doing giggles up and down and lifting and relaxing, which is usually what we’re taught, I was like, Well, what if I do that, but only with the right side of my muscles? Okay, what if I do that, but only with the left side? What if I do it only at the front or only at the back? What if I press the walls together rather than lifting up? What if I direct them to different to the left or to the right, and what if I combine all of these things? And so I started putting together different exercises just to test them out. And as I gained more strength, I decided to try them out in the bedroom. And that’s when everything kind of flipped on its head for us. And my partner was very much impressed with that. He likes to say that we were having research sex because we started having sex. And I, I would ask him, Okay, well, what do you feel? And he was like, This is amazing. This is amazing. I’m like, no, no, what exactly are you feeling right now? Just tell me. Tell me. What are you feeling? Is this on the do you feel this in the shaft? Do you feel this at the tip? This is great, baby. This is great. Just No, please tell me specifically. And so it wasn’t very helpful in that sense.

But things completely shifted for us. Everything felt enhanced, everything, everything felt it was almost like there were so many things that the star that he started noticing, it’s like you feel like warmer and tighter, and it feels like there’s more, and it feels like it’s almost like, you know how a lot of men suffer from the death grip syndrome, and they’re so accustomed to just their own hands that nothing else feels like texture to them. That was something that he was like, Look, this could work for a lot of guys, because there’s a lot of guys who just don’t enjoy being with a woman anymore, just because they’re so used to a certain level of intensity and a certain level of tightness, and it’s just almost like you need to train this to get to this level. So I was like, Okay, well, this was a completely different thing. We introduced this into our relationship. It completely changed things for us. I started something that I never had issues with sex before. But even at that level, things got amplified. So I had a healthy libido, I had a healthy sex drive, a healthy orgasm frequency, and it all got amplified either way. So finally, we were using the pandemic the way that I wanted us to use the pandemic.

Kevin Anthony 14:37
What else was there to do?

Bel Di Lorenzo 14:40
So it was fantastic. It was really, really good. And he actually was the one who gave me the idea of about like you’re young, but imagine a woman who’s been married for many, many years, where the Spark has gone in the relationship, perhaps, or a woman who doesn’t feel sexy anymore, a woman who’s never enjoyed this, because you’re enjoying this so much more now as well. I. Yeah. So I was like, Oh my God, but how do I even begin? And I found online a bunch of forums of women who were just as confused as I was when we were reading all these stories from women throughout history who were able to do this. And there were a lot of forums of women just asking, Okay, but how, how do I do this? I get that I can Kegel, but how can I twist like, how is that even possible? So I just went to those forums, and I was like, Guys, I developed a program for this, and it seems to be working really well. I’m happy to coach you guys for free and just be my guinea pigs on this and and that’s how it got started. And we just started coaching women.

Those women started telling other women, they started getting results, and they were like, okay, they brought their friends along. I started making zoom calls, and I just explained all these different exercises, and it got to a point where we were we started charging per session. I started having to hire other coaches, and the way that it started growing was from there, just through word of mouth. And eventually I realized that every time I brought a drawing to one of the sessions, because of all the muscles are inside of us, there’s obviously not that much that we can show. So I was like, Well, imagine this is a vagina, and I would just bring drawings and pictures, and I love to draw, and I love to design, and I find that visual learning really works for me. Every time I did that, they understood the exercises that much faster.

So I was like, Okay, this, there’s something here. So that’s when the idea of the course, of the self paced course, came in. But I had so I had a friend of mine who’s an animator, and I like to say he’s the game gay man with the most pictures of vaginas pasted on his wall, because he he just, he animated the entire course I created the illustrations. He completely animated everything, just to understand every single different move and how it works and how it how the vagina moves. And my biggest thing was I wanted it to be something that a woman could train in her bedroom, and if a little kid walked in, the kid wouldn’t be traumatized for life like it needed to be not pornographic. It needed to be very pleasing to the eye, very pretty. And as you’ve seen the book, the book has the same type of illustrations. They’re all like colorful illustrations that could be anything. They’re just like, infographics, right? And that’s how it got started.

We started partnering up with sex companies, sex toy companies and and just influencers. Started talking about it. We started, we started a Tiktok channel, which I hate to say that, but I’m a tiktoker now, and that got that became really big. We started Reddit community, and that became really big. So it just seems that there was a huge need for something like this, something that is completely natural, something that gives women a lot of agency. Because that is the main thing that I have with this, is you have all the tools you need inside of you. You don’t need anything else. You don’t need any pills to feel tight, or any creams.

Kevin Anthony 17:39
We’re gonna get to that in a moment. You said a lot, and there was all fantastic and great, and I just want to make sure that we come back to some Sure. Please, please. The initial question really was about like your personal journey, and what led you there, and what you shared were two things, one was your personal journey, which was that you felt sex was good for you, but it wasn’t working for your partner, and so you wanted to learn this to hopefully help him. But you also mentioned that a lot of the people who come to your trainings are the other way around. The sex is not working for the women, and so they’re trying to figure out a way to spark that. And what, what I really wanted to get across there was, sometimes people think that these things are just kind of like parlor tricks, and they’re just like, you know, just something like, if you if you’re really into sex and you want to learn something sort of outside the norm, like you could do this.

And what I wanted people to understand from that segment was that this has actual therapeutic applications. In other words, if you are a woman and you’re suffering from low libido, or, you know, any there’s a number of problems that can result from having, you know, really out of shape, pelvic floor muscles, this is something that could actually significantly improve the quality of your life. I mean, years ago, I was out with some friends. We were doing some some training, and one of the guys that we were training with, his wife was there, and she somebody was telling a funny joke, and she started laughing really hard. She made this comment that you’ve heard older women who have children make many times. She’s like, Don’t make me laugh so hard, because I’ll pee myself. And then, you know, everybody laughs like, well, you know, when you’re X number of years old and you’ve had kids, that’s just what happens. And I’m I, of course, at that point of overdue, knew this, and I was like, no, no, it doesn’t have to be that way, right?

Bel Di Lorenzo 19:42
Yeah, yeah. So this might be common, but it’s not normal, exactly.

Kevin Anthony 19:46
So this idea that this can really help, and I love the fact that you also brought in that, you know, for men who are dealing with potentially low libido or not super interested in sex, that this could be something that could inspire and revital. Them also. So that was kind of the first thing I really wanted people to understand. Like, this isn’t just a like, well, you know, I’m kind of bored and looking for something else to do. Like, that’s fine. And, you know, this has a whole lot of other potential applications as well. I also love the fact that you were sharing how you were experimenting, you know, in your own life, experimental sex.

Because, so that’s actually where the name for this podcast came from, the Love Lab podcast, because my wife, when she was alive, she also taught this, you know, stuff around sex, love and relationship, and we would use our own bedroom as our laboratory. Let’s try this, you know. So a lot of what we taught came from our own experience. In doing it. One day, we were literally laying there in bed afterwards, and I was and she said something, and I was like, Yeah, it’s like our it’s like, our lab, our love lab, or something like that. That’s literally where the the title aliens for this. We also once did an experiment based on this, because she knew how to do this too. And the experiment was to just penetrate her, and she was just going to use her muscles, and she wanted to see if we can give herself an orgasm without me moving at all.

Bel Di Lorenzo 21:16
I love that. I love that. Yeah, that’s possible.

Kevin Anthony 21:20
You have t, really warm yourself up and get that energy.

Bel Di Lorenzo 21:25
That’s actually one of the challenges in our communities. It’s, it’s a non moving challenge. Yeah, absolutely, yes. I love that. I love that.

Kevin Anthony 21:33
Super fun. Okay, so we understand, Oh, one other point I wanted to make, you, made this point also. And I just want to sort of reiterate it, which is this idea that, like, you use the the example of your mouth, and how you have all these different muscles in your mouth which can make your mouth move in a bunch of different ways, right, correct? So I kind of just want to reiterate that’s what’s happening inside the vagina, too. And you know, if you’re thinking that, Oh, I’ll never be able to do that, or that’s too hard, or only certain people can do it. Like my wife was also a belly dancer. And I don’t you’ve ever watched belly dancers how they move, but like with their abs, they can make them roll and flutter, and the different you know most people, when they squeeze their abs, everything just squeezes at once. Let me flex my abs, and you just see the correct belly dancers can control all that. They control that same fact independently, exactly because they took the time to train it. And you can do the same thing with your vaginism.

Bel Di Lorenzo 22:31
Absolutely. I love that analogy. And a lot of the actually, a lot of the people in our community, one of the courses coming up, which I don’t know if I should say it already, but it’s it has to do with belly dancing as well and combining both things, because we have a lot of students who want to combine both belly dancing, because obviously the apps are part of the core, and also can enhance the sensation even further, etc, etc. So that’s that’s fascinating. And I love the the example of the mouth I started giving it recently because I started playing the trumpet. And when you start playing the trumpet, you you kind of realize all the different muscles that are surrounding your mouth, like there are completely different set of muscles that are in charge of you smiling, versus fake smiling, like there are completely different sets of muscles that surround your mouth. So it’s just, it really isn’t more difficult than training any any other muscle. It’s just a skill with practice.

Kevin Anthony 23:21
You’re going to have to write a second book on the gohddess oral method.

Bel Di Lorenzo 23:28
You know, I’ve been asked this so many times, but I’m like, I feel like there is some like, you have porn for that you can just, I don’t know, maybe,

Kevin Anthony 23:36
Well, you know, I would slightly disagree with you on that, only because, please, motivation, well, and we all, we all, I think to some extent, know this. But I had, I had, he was, his title was, like the most famous male porn star of all time, or something like that. I had him on the show, like years ago. And what we were really talking about on that episode was that the sex you see in porn, obviously, is not real sex, in other words, so after he was a porn star, then he got into directing porn, right? And so then he starts seeing this from the director’s eye. Like, what makes a what makes a good shot, right?

Visually, what is fun and attractive and sexy, and it turned out to look at, and, you know, one of the things that he confirmed, and I really wanted people to hear it from somebody like him, even though I’ve been saying it for years, which is that what looks good on camera, right, does not necessarily make for good sex. So, like he was saying he was using for himself. He was like, Look, the way that I would give oral in a movie is not good oral sex for her, he’s like, because good oral sex, you can’t see anything. He’s like, your face is buried in the vagina. You see nothing, right? But good oral sex on camera is like, you’re further away and you’re sticking your tongue out.

I would say. It’s kind of the same thing with a really good blow job. If you really know how to use your mouth in combination with your hands, it’s probably not something you can see very well, but it’s definitely something you can feel very well.

Bel Di Lorenzo 25:13
There you go. Next course. Next level.

Kevin Anthony 25:17
Okay, a couple quick things before we dive a little deeper into the method itself. You were talking about, how many women are showing up and looking for this type of things. And in our pre interview call, we talked a little bit about this. Also, I wonder if we could just briefly talk about, you know, from your experience, you know, how many women actually experience issues with their pelvic floor muscles, and then also, kind of like, What are the demographics of those women?

Bel Di Lorenzo 25:51
It’s, it’s in terms of issues with their pelvic floor muscles that is extremely common, that is one of the most common things as women age and you you, you touched on this briefly, about, you know, urinary incontinence. You talk about, we talk about organ pull ups, all of these things that are like considered normal, which are definitely not normal, even if they’re common after childbirth, through aging, because of, you know, the lack of laxity, and then with all of those changes, and with the hormonal changes, we experience other things. So that’s when, you know, a weak pelvic floor is not just capable of causing, you know, urinary incontinence, organ prolapse, it can lead to vaginal laxity.

And that’s what really means when, when you don’t really feel much down there, when you don’t really feel penetration as much, and then with the loss of collagen, that gets even enhanced. And that’s that’s something that does happen. But the the part that I always like to tell women is, you don’t what the one thing we don’t lose as we age, if anything, some women, as they age, they get they’re going to be able to do this even better than when they were younger, is your ability to build a muscle. You can still build the the inner, the deeper layer, which is the muscle layer, and that’s going to create that friction, that that sensation, those muscle fibers and those nervous those sensory receptors that you really have, and that’s what you really want to work on. And so when women come to us, the biggest, biggest concern by far, is that they don’t enjoy penetration.

That is, perhaps, that is the number one thing that people come to us for I don’t enjoy penetration, is number one, I don’t feel like I like sex, that I don’t enjoy it, and I don’t therefore I don’t have a highly veto. It’s number two, and and then they have just lack of orgasms, this lack of arousal. But penetration is a big one, and I feel like they’re sort of in the sex industry, in the sex space, we kind of raised the flag of the clitoris. And I think it’s great. You know, the we’re all fans of the clitoris here, and I will never say a bad word about the clitoris, but it’s almost like we completely ignored the part that is inside the vagina. It’s almost like, as an industry, we were like, just focus on the clitoris. Just focus on the clitoris. And you and you see this in movies. You see this in media, like, everything is important is up top. It’s in the other side, you know, just, just focus on that. You know, it doesn’t really matter what comes next is for you. But what I really like is for you to go down on me and touch my clit and all of that. And that is kind of what we’ve all we’ve all been here. And you know what?

Kevin Anthony 28:16
What’s crazy about that is they don’t even understand what the structure of the clitoris is. They think it’s just that little part you see sticking. So they’re not even focusing completely on the clitoris. They’re just focusing on one small part of the clitoris.

Bel Di Lorenzo 28:30
Many experts, what they believe is that what we call the cheese part inside the vagina is actually where the killer the two clitoris have meat. So it’s actually still part of the clitoris, just the internal side, and that is, and that is the main, that is the part where we focus on with with vaginal gymnastics. So that is the biggest concern. You know, I he likes penetration, but I don’t like it. So how can I make it fun for me, and not just something where it’s this guy just, you know, humping me, and I’m just not even there thinking about groceries, so that is the main thing that we focus on, and that’s, that’s what I would say, is the biggest concern that people come to us with.

Kevin Anthony 29:07
Okay, so we know that it’s common, and I kind of wanted people to hear that from you. I mean, I see it a lot in the work that I do, too, but we work in the industry, so therefore we see it a lot. But I wanted people to understand that it’s not just because we happen to work in the industry and we tend to coach a lot of people around these things like this is a major issue in society as a whole. I’m curious too. You know, demographic wise, like you’ve taught a lot of workshops, right? You’ve worked with a lot of people. What are the age ranges of women that come to learn this?

Bel Di Lorenzo 29:42
This is the hardest question for me to answer, because it’s honestly all over. We I’ve tried doing this study so many times, and it comes out with such an even split between women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s that it’s like I can’t it’s not enough of a difference. With any demographic that I can say, Okay, our let’s focus on women in their 40s. Let’s focus on women in their six because it’s almost like every demographic comes to us for a different reason, like, maybe when they’re a little bit younger, they’ll be like, Oh, this sounds cool. Let’s, let’s try it out. Let’s see. You know, let’s just, let’s just even, even from a more innocent sometimes perspective of like, oh, I kind of want to be able to do this. That sounds great.

And then maybe in their 30s, they’re like, you know, I’ve been having sex for a while, and I don’t enjoy penetration. What’s going on? And then maybe in their 40s, it’s like, I really want to rekindle the relationship with my husband. I really want this to be something that we can do together. And maybe in their 50s and 60s is more. I used to have a really high libido. How can I get it back? So I would say that the reasons definitely changed between demographics, but the the amount of people that come to us are pretty spread evenly throughout, which I find fascinating and also very complicated. When it comes to marketing,

Kevin Anthony 30:58
I was gonna make that comment, so I’m not at all surprised to hear that it’s fairly even across the board. And I was gonna make that same joke. I was gonna go say, from a marketing perspective, that’s difficult, however, it also does mean that you’re a very big market that you can you can reach. And I’ll tell you, I see a very similar thing. So I read an ad at the beginning of this show for powermastering.com which are my online men’s courses. And what’s really interesting when I look at my demographics for men, because I’m teaching men how to last longer, right? I’m teaching them how to be able to get erections when they’re experiencing erectile dysfunction, things like that. I see, like you said, an extremely consistent number from about 25 to 50. So it tapers off before 25 and it tapers off after about 5055, but that whole core segment in the middle even for erectile dysfunction.

And this is something my wife had been working with men with erectile dysfunction for many, many years. And when she first started doing that work, she was primarily seeing men like, you know, over 40, for sure, more like 50s and 60s. And over the years, the ages got younger and younger and younger to the point where she was having, literally, men, barely men. I mean 20s in their mid 20s, coming to her with erectile dysfunction. And so I’m not surprised to see that women are having similar challenges in their lives.

Bel Di Lorenzo 32:23
There’s a whole conversation on this, because we can go so, so deep into a rabbit hole of what’s going on with with the you, with the youths, it’s pretty crazy.

Kevin Anthony 32:33
We might need to do a whole let’s, let’s, let’s make a note of that, because I want to have that conversation. We just don’t have time for it today. Let’s go. Let’s go. But yeah, we’re going to talk after the show about that. Okay, so I think we did a pretty good job of talking generally about what it is, why you would want to do it, who is experiencing these issues and that sort of thing. I want to take a short break, and when I come back, I want to talk about what other solutions are out there, why they’re not necessarily the right solutions, and then compare and contrast this solution, and then talk a little bit more about how they can get started on this. So that’s, that’s what I want to do when we come back.

All right. Are you a couple? Are your relationship and sex life where you want them to be? Are there changes you would like to make, but just don’t know how maybe you think there’s nothing that can be done if you are not 100% happy with where your relationship or sex life is, then get help today and change your life. Go to https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/sex-coaching-couples/. Don’t worry about the long link. Just click on it. It’s in the description. It’s going to change soon anyway, and I’m going to make it really, really easy for you coming up soon. So don’t worry about that. And schedule strategy. Call with me today so we can map out a strategy to get you where you want it to go, so you can have it all your way. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/sex-coaching-couples/ and book your strategy. Call to day. We work on a lot of this kind of stuff, like, you know, bells, whole story was what was going on with her and her partner, and how they were seeking tools in order to fix the areas of their sex life that weren’t working. And I do a lot of that with couples, and that’s really what this ad is about. Of course, we can’t always just work with your sex life, because there’s dynamics that happen in your relationship that also need to be addressed, and so we take care of all of that in that coaching program.

Okay, so let’s get back to the topic at hand. I know that there are a whole bunch of other solutions out there that claim to do the same thing that this does. And I say claim because, you know, like most things that seem to be the simple, easy solution, just swallow a pill, or just put this cream on, or whatever, they almost never work. And I’m pretty sure that that’s the same case here, but I have one. If you could talk a little bit about some of the other things that are out there, whether or not they work and how they compare to this.

Bel Di Lorenzo 35:08
Ding, ding, ding, the way we do one thing is the way we do everything right as a society. And I relate this. I relate this to getting fit a lot, because it makes it makes so much intuitive sense to compare it. Compare the two. Because, just like, there are, you know, diet pills and just like there are, you know, the cellulite creams and all of that and everything under the, you know, under the quick fixes umbrella before, actually, you know, work on your diet and exercise, the same is true for this sort of issues women have, vaginal tightening creams and vaginal tightening pills and gels and lasers that are not FDA approved. Some some at home lasers. Which are they?

Just the amount of concerns that actual doctors have on them is insane. There’s a woman who’s been burned for like, there’s just insane amount of stuff. The cheapest ones that you will find, you will find the creams and the pills, and what they do is, generally, they just dry you out. So it’s not that you experience any actual tightness, it’s just that you’re just not wet. So it feels like you’re tighter, but really it doesn’t. You’re not going to enjoy sex at all. You’re just going to feel completely dry, and nobody’s going to be enjoying sex at that point.

Kevin Anthony 36:25
Ask any woman, what is the number one thing required for decent penetration, and that’s wetness.

Bel Di Lorenzo 36:33
That’s what they can sell for, I don’t know, 12 bucks, I guess. And then you have a little and then you have, on the opposite side of that spectrum, you have, again, some surgeries that are laser focused. And the idea of these surgeries is that they will create this micro tears in your muscles, in your vaginal muscles, sort of with a laser inside of you, and then the muscles will repair stronger. Again, there are a lot of FDA concerns on this. A lot of these are not approved, and I would never and besides, they’re extremely expensive. And then you have complete vaginal rejuvenation, vaginal reconstruction surgery, and that is, you know, needles, that’s completely surgical, that’s a completely a complete reconstruction.

Kevin Anthony 37:16
Imagine the amount of scar tissue that creates, and then all the problems that would create.

Bel Di Lorenzo 37:21
Yeah, it’s a lot. And I had a few women come to us before surgery, and they were like, look, nothing has worked. I don’t know what to do. Is this, is there any chance that this could work for me? And I spoken, in fact, I work with women’s doctors in hand in hand to be like, Okay, let’s design a program for this woman specifically to make sure that she can do this when the doctor is good and they don’t actually want this woman to undergo surgery. Generally, it’s fantastic when there’s different intentions, it doesn’t go that well. But what we’ve done is, okay, before you spend all of this, 1000s and 1000s of dollars in a in a surgery that you can’t possibly take back, try to work with what you have. And I know, I know it, you know, starting a routine, and you know, doing 20 minutes in the morning, every single morning at the beginning is a little bit tedious, and you don’t want to do it.

But the way that we’ve done it is in such a gamified way, with a community, with the different games we even have, like musical workouts that you can follow along with your favorite song and do like a guitar hero of vaginas, like we’ve done so many different things. No, it’s insane, but we did, by the way, just that week, we had an entire month working on that, and that last week of just going into our office with my animator and seeing all of these animations of vaginal gymnastics Guitar Hero choreographies. I was like, I cannot believe this my life. If you were, if you were told 13, you know, 17 year old virgin Catholic Bel in Argentina, that she will be doing this, there’s no way it’s insane.

But anyway, different different ways that we can make this fun, and we can make this just like we have different classes at the gym. Not everyone goes to the gym not everyone goes to the gym and does the same thing. Some people enjoy Zumba. Some people enjoy classes. Some people do speeding. Some people like lifting. Okay, let’s do a proper gym for your vagina. And you can pick the class that you want, but you can make it fun for yourself. And those are that’s what we continuously work on to make it really fun for people so that they can stick with it. Because when they stick with it, everything gets better, and to this point, every time we’ve helped someone who was considering surgery, every single time they have not undergone surgery. In the end, because the human body is amazing, and we have a lot more agency than the medical industry sometimes or the or Big Pharma might want us to believe, which I can get my tinfoil hat on if you want, but I’ll just leave it.

Kevin Anthony 39:43
Yes, exactly/

Bel Di Lorenzo 39:46
Ut’s interesting. It’s funny, because from the other the other end of the spectrum, we have women in our course who are like, I really want to tell everyone about this, but also I don’t want every woman to know about this. I want to be the one who knows this, and I always tell them. Look, everyone has access to the gym. Everyone knows that you need to eat less calories than you expand if you want to lose weight. Everyone knows all of this, and yet, not everyone has a six pack. So just because their knowledge is outdressed, it still doesn’t mean that everyone’s going to put in the work to do it. So that’s, that’s, that’s the way that I did. I try to sell it for people who are like, I don’t want everyone else to know this.

Kevin Anthony 40:22
Those women are just afraid that if other women know it, they might steal their man. But this is where the whole other range of skills that I was just talking about in my ad that I read come in right? You can have the most talented pussy in the world, but if you’re a bitch, nobody’s gonna want it, all right?

Bel Di Lorenzo 40:45
I don’t know, some women have used it for evil, a lot of them, right?

Kevin Anthony 40:49
So you gotta have both. Don’t worry about it. First of all, what you said is absolutely right. There’s all the knowledge in the world is out there about how to be healthy and eat right, and look good, and yet we still have a massive problem with obesity and people being out of shape and unhealthy and disease and all of that. So don’t worry about it. Plus it’s not an issue. In fact, teach it to all your girlfriends. Don’t worry about it. They’re not going to try to steal your man with their vaginas. If you are showing up in your relationship the way that you should be, all will be fine.

Bel Di Lorenzo 41:22
It’s great. What I love about this is how every woman, just like I said, the many women, came from different situations, I love how every woman has made the training their own. Like a lot of women, we’ve had women who came from traumatic situations where they didn’t feel like they had a lot of control during a sexual experience, and through this, they found this sort of empowerment of like, oh, I can, I can actually do something during sex. I don’t feel like I have to just lay there and take it, quote, unquote, so I can actually just do all of these things and and feel really pleasurable, and kind of take, take hold of my own pleasure. Because a lot of women use it just to masturbate. Actually, they don’t even use it with a man. They can just use it for themselves, just to, just to, you know, get it on.

And then we have women on the other side of the spectrum who are like, I feel really masculine during my day. The last thing I want is to feel masculine during the bedroom. But when I do this, I feel like I’m sort of like serving him in a way, and he really enjoys it. And then he becomes like a man and like, it’s so it’s so many different ways to alchemize the same kind of knowledge, which I really, really love to see when I when I read these comments, I’m like, these are completely different, completely different interpretations of the same thing, which I love.

Kevin Anthony 42:36
You hit on something that I talk about on this show a lot when you were describing the first case, which was, you know, who then, once they learned this, felt empowered and realized that they could actually do something during sex and like, maybe control or steer, you know, how it’s going? And, you know, it’s really interesting thing, because one of the things I’ve been saying for years when it comes to, for lack of a better term, sort of sexual power. I say all the time. Women are by far the more powerful sexual beings than men are. They are they just absolutely are their ability. They can just have orgasms forever, like, yes, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. I mean, they could literally just, you know, all right, next to next, right? You know, wear out man after man if they wanted to, right? Yes, their ability to take a man over into ejaculation pretty much anytime they want, is just there.

So, like, you know, this is a big part I have to teach men too. Is, like, you know, yes, I’m teaching you some skills that will really help you, that you have control over. But if you’re still finding it really hard, we got to look at your partner and see what she’s doing as well, right? Because she has a big impact on this, right? And so this idea that somehow women are passive in sex and don’t really have control over it or power, you have the ultimate control. First of all, you’re the gatekeepers of sex. No sex happens unless you say so, right? I mean, that’s the reality, right? And then, of course, the just sheer sexual power and energy contained within you is pretty much insatiable and unstoppable. Whereas we men, no matter how good we are, we will reach a point, at some point, where we’re like, Okay, that’s it.

Bel Di Lorenzo 44:22
I love that two things on this first back to the clitoris versus vagina, which I don’t even like to call it, like, like, a like, it’s a competition. But funny enough, the in when it comes to female orgasm, generally, a control orgasm can be so intense that you’re like, Okay, that’s enough. Whereas with the vaginal orgasm, generally, a woman can get going and going and going and generally, one sparkles a lot more. So it’s almost like the opposite effect. You’re not You’re not done. It’s more like, I want another one. Let’s keep going. Let’s keep going. Let’s stay in this high which obviously gets intensified once you once you have really sense sensitive and very pleasurable and very dexterous models.

Obviously. And the other thing that I was going to say you spoke about, oh, I just I just missed it. Always speaking about, I just missed the second point we were talking about, oh, the in terms of the power that women have, we’ve had women develop a specific skill of the program called locking where you develop such strength that you are able to lock a man inside of you, not allow him to pull away from you. And when, when you get really strong at this and Brad dexterous. You can essentially, you can essentially control his orgasm. You can essentially say when you will allow him to kind of. You can edge him, if you will, through your muscles. And you can, you can elongate that orgasm as much as you want. And you can, even some women use it in form of, like, sort of like sexual domination, sort of like teasing, sort of like foreplay, sort of like a little bit in between.

And the women who are really, really, really into this technique, they will even use part of their apps. They will do they just become really, really, specifically good at this one skill. They’re just, it’s just insane the level of control that you can develop. It’s just, yeah, I’ve been asked a lot of the times by the partners of our students if there was a male version of this, and I’m like, I would never speak on equipment that I do not possess. So I cannot if there is, it wouldn’t be mine. I wouldn’t be the one doing this, course, but I don’t think I can. I can’t imagine that level of dexterity. I just don’t think it would be possible just because of the anatomy of the vagina surrounded by so many muscle fibers.

Kevin Anthony 46:36
So when it, when it comes to the male penis, there are no muscles in the penis. They’re just chambers that fill up with blood.

Bel Di Lorenzo 46:42
Correct. The muscles are attached to you.

Kevin Anthony 46:45
There is a ligament. There a suspensory ligament, which sometimes that’s actually one of the methods for trying to enlarge your penis, is they cut that suspensory ligament so the penis hangs further down. It makes it appear bigger, even though it’s not really any bigger. It’s a terrible procedure. Should never be done, but still, people do them. So yeah, there’s the only muscles that we have control of when it comes to our penis are our pelvic floor muscles and those we can train. And that is the key to lasting longer and being able to control your erect, your ejaculation, so learning to train those muscles and how to use them, and it’s an interesting thing when teaching men this, because the based on what I just said, you might make the assumption that you just got to make them really strong so that you can just lock them down, and that’s how you actually prevent ejaculation. But that’s not necessarily the case. The master skill in there is making them strong enough and knowing when to lock them and when to relax them, because if you’re in constant tension all the time, you actually can trigger an ejaculation. So Correct. You got to learn the skill mastering between the two.

Bel Di Lorenzo 48:01
Exactly. And there’s different types of well, obviously this will, this will then depend on the partner, but there’s different types of movements, because some stimulation is, is and also at the moment of sex, if this man is really, really stimulated, and he’s also very sensitive, and it’s been going on for a while. You probably don’t want to do something as sensitive as this, but depends on the specific moment of sex, the partner that you have, how stimulated he is, when was the last time he ejaculated all of this, and the specific movement that you’re doing, because some sort of contractions can be more there are some skills that are more preventative in nature, or almost like, almost like, engineered. And then you have some skills that are very much friction based. So it’s just, it’s just such an array of sensations that you can create that then you just try them all. You test them all, and then you experiment in your own love lab, what works and what doesn’t.

Kevin Anthony 49:00
Yes. I love how you’re you’re there’s so many different uses. Like, what you’re describing is, you know, you can be using it to stimulate your own libido. You can be using it to increase your own pleasure. You can be using it to potentially help him last longer. You could be using it to potentially help him have a more intense orgasm. So there’s all these different things you could potentially be using it for. Okay, we only have a few minutes left of the show, so I’m wondering if you can let the listeners know. If there’s any ladies who are listening to this and they’re like, this sounds amazing. Okay, you’ve sold me on it. I want to learn this. How does one get started? Like, what should they do?

Bel Di Lorenzo 49:45
Well, we, we have a ton of I, my goal on this is more than anything is I want everyone to have access to this knowledge, because, again, we, we’ve seen just how it changes people’s lives from all different angles. So. I have a lot of free resources on our website. I have a free guide that they can download and they can get started working on this. So if you just go to www.goddess.com that’s with an H after the O, so goddess.com you can find everything. You will find a book that we have, that I released earlier this year, that’s our best selling book on the method, which is more basically your Bible on vaginal gymnastics, how the muscles work, a bit about my story, other stories from women all over the world, how you can put together your own training. And that’s fantastic for anyone who’s more of a do it yourself kind of person.

And it’s like, Okay, I just want to learn the science behind all of this and how I can put together every single skill out there and even develop my own. And that is your Bible, and I recommend you have it, and if you can get it on paperback, even better, because I have all the images, all the illustrations, etc, or you can get the program. And the program really is, it’s a one time fee, and it’s lifetime access with all the updates and all the lessons. And I say this is what we do on Monday, this is what we do on Tuesday. This is what we do on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, follow along with all the animations, and also different ways of training to make it fun, for example, choreographies, for example, different techniques, how you can try them out in the bedroom, access to a community, access to me, and that is basically our hub for for our program.

But then also, if you want some free resources, I have blogs and I have articles and have all of these podcasts that I’ve done, because that is the main, my main goal right now, clearly, in life is okay, I found something that is amazing. I just want to get it out there. And the second biggest goal, or a component of that, is getting it approved by the research community. And that been that’s, that’s, that’s a big thing that I want to do. I want to put forward research on this and see, hey, how dextrous are these muscles really? And how can we test this, and how can we prove this, and how can we run research and investigate on how this works? So that’s, that’s, that’s what we’re working on right now, because I’m really excited on the, on the science part of it awesome.

Kevin Anthony 52:02
So obviously they can get the book. They can also join your online programs. Are you still doing in person workshops that people can go to?

Bel Di Lorenzo 52:12
We’ve been asked about that a few times. I think at this point I should just organize one and do it in person. You’ve given me so many ideas today. I think I just write down everything that she told me, like, you know what? Yep, these are all great.

Kevin Anthony 52:25
Well, you know, I think Buenos Aires is a beautiful place, you know, maybe you could pull some people in and they can do a week long retreat.

Bel Di Lorenzo 52:34
Well, that is really beautiful. What else would you do? Well, you’re in San Diego. I could go to San Diego.

Kevin Anthony 52:40
Sure, San Diego is a great place for people to come.

Bel Di Lorenzo 52:42
I’ve heard Austin hustle sort of these things as well, and I always wanted to go to Austin. So there’s there’s just so many places I should go, and I should do a proper tour.

Kevin Anthony 52:51
If you’re interested in coming to San Diego, let me know. I can definitely connect you with some people who can help facilitate that and make it happen.

Bel Di Lorenzo 52:58
That’s fantastic. I love that.

Kevin Anthony 53:00
All right, all right. Any last advice for women or even couples around learning this and why and when and how and all that.

Bel Di Lorenzo 53:13
The biggest takeaway, I think, that I want, yeah, that I want people to get from this is it doesn’t matter your age. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve had many children, whether you’ve had no children, whether you’ve had problems with incontinence, whether you’ve had problems with weight or with or age. It doesn’t really matter every woman, unless it’s a completely specific illness. Every woman is capable of doing this, and you have a lot more agency over your pleasure, over your confidence, over your libido, than we are meant to believe. And I think, yeah, this is these muscles are not that dissimilar to any other muscle. And the way that we’re really motivated to go and work out and work our legs and work our our lungs and work our core and do all of these things for us, it just baffles me that that our enjoyment and our pleasure and our sex is not something that we’re actively optimizing for. So you definitely can, and you definitely have that agency. So that is my main, the main thing that I want people to take from this.

Kevin Anthony 54:14
Absolutely, I couldn’t agree more, and that is definitely something I have spent a career trying to help people understand also, yes, so I’m glad that you’re out there doing this work and helping women, which, of course, you know, if you help women and women show up more, satiated, pleased, happy in a relationship, then you know the relationship as a whole is going to be better. When the relationship as a whole is better, the men are better when they go out into the world, and that makes the whole world better.

Bel Di Lorenzo 54:43
Yes, please for more orgasms. More orgasms, less wars.

Kevin Anthony 54:52
Yes, all right, I love that. More more orgasms. Gonna make a t shirt out of that? I’ll give you credit. I love it.

Bel Di Lorenzo 54:59
Please go ahead. No, don’t give me credit. I love it. Thank you for this platform, Kevin, what you’re doing is amazing work. This is, this is what we need. We need more of these, these conversations. I love it.

Kevin Anthony 55:10
I totally agree you are welcome, and thanks so much for what you’ve created and what you’re putting out there in the world and for coming on the show to share about it. Thank you amazing. My pleasure. All right, everybody, that’s all the time that I have for this episode, and I will see you next week.

I hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, subscribe, leave us a review and share it with your friends, and for more free exclusive content. Join me in the passion vault at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. Thanks for listening, and remember, as Celine used to say, you’re amazing!