How To Use Sex Toys In The Bedroom

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony, and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 105. And it’s titled How to use sex toys in the bedroom. We actually sometimes this is a question that does come up. It’s not a subject we’ve covered so far on the show at all. But people do ask us this question. So I think it could be really interesting. Plus, we have a special guest, who is an expert on sex toys.

Kevin Anthony 0:52
So that’s gonna be interesting. We’re gonna dive down into all kinds of things sex toys like you know how to use them? What are the best ones, all that kind of stuff? So I think it could be a very fun and interesting show.

Céline Remy 1:07
Absolutely. And full disclosure never you and I really use sex toys. So this is why we’re like we need to have somebody who really knows what they’re doing. I have used sex toys in the past and we’ll probably talk about that maybe later. But it’s not something replay with together. So yeah, let’s see where this conversation goes. And before we introduce our special guest today, let’s give a big shout out to our sponsor’s power and mastery.

Céline Remy 1:34
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Céline Remy 1:57
So today, we have a special Guest Alexandra fine. She is a lifelong student of sexual health. She’s co-founder and CEO of Dane products, a creature controlled sexologist and a member of Forbes 30. Under 32,018. She co-founded Dane products to start necessary conversations to listen rather than assume and to create products that enhance intimacy. And this is exactly why today we have Alexandra on the show. So welcome, Alex.

Alexandra Fine 2:30
Oh, hi. Thank you. Thanks for being here.

Céline Remy 2:36
So we want our listeners to get to know you a little bit more because this is reading your bio is pretty cool. So you, you co-founded a sex company in your sexologist. There’s a lot of things here about you, and we want to learn more about you.

Kevin Anthony 2:52
Tell our audience how you came to be an expert on this subject.

Alexandra Fine 2:59
It’s so interesting. I still sometimes, you know, I feel like for me with sexuality, it’s like, I’m a lifelong learner, like, that’s what my interest is in it. And I’m still always learning. But I do know, I think I know quite a bit these days. So I have my Master’s in clinical psychology from Columbia. And I wanted to be a sex therapist for a long time. And I mean, actually really kind of to take a step back, really kind of where my interest, just very like, first started, was when I was sick.

Alexandra Fine 3:34
My aunt brought me to this party, where they were drag queens, and I learned both kinds of how to strap myself and how to do a cat wall from them and kind of like showed me how to like, really perform my femininity. And then it also kind of answered all of these really like honest questions I had about their gender identity. Russian and I went back to show Intel My first-grade class and explained what I had learned. Because, you know, my mind was blown like I just left the suburb to go hang out with my aunt and the city and I learned so much about just all the different ways of being.

Alexandra Fine 4:15
And I got in trouble when I explained what I’ve learned to my class and I think that really got me interested in what is what are these truths in life that were, for some reason really not supposed to talk about, but they seem so fundamental to both who we are, how are we how we exist? And I just never got a good answer for why we weren’t talking about it. I think that just like, sat me down that path. Like that feels good.

Kevin Anthony 4:44
Yes, it does. So was that the last time your parents ever let you hang out with your aunt?

Alexandra Fine 4:49
I was definitely not allowed to sleepover at her place anymore. Which is a bummer because I think she really expanded my understanding of the body.

Kevin Anthony 5:07
Yeah, you know, so we’re big proponents of good early sexual education for children, but I do have to say, six is pretty early. It’s pretty early for your ads to take you there. So you had a unique experience.

Alexandra Fine 5:20
You know, wasn’t like I was learning about sex. I was really more about gender. And I didn’t really learn too much about sexuality, but I think it rubbed up against it in a way that made people uncomfortable.

Céline Remy 5:40
So you started at six. It opened up this like world of possibilities and questions, and then kind of like led you to continue studying this. So I want to get into some of the needy greedy and since today we are talking about sex stories. I want to learn about what was the first object you ever used as a city. Next door.

Alexandra Fine 6:02
My stuffed animal. Definitely my stuffed animal. Um, yeah, pillows and stuff animals when I was younger, I mean, I don’t know how exactly I learned that you know, friction on my genitals felt good, but I definitely learned that and I also don’t know how I learned you weren’t supposed to tell anybody about it or that it was like shameful but I also have really early memories of being really embarrassed.

Alexandra Fine 6:44
Like after I would do it, not that like anybody was there but that like I would do this thing felt really good and then I would feel really like that right. And I have memories from like, probably six or seven of doing that. And it’s interesting because I don’t know how I don’t know where, where I got all that information, I don’t think.

Céline Remy 7:08
So I got it. I think one of my first sex toys was actually a tennis ball. I was really liking the roughness of the tennis ball. Then my grandpa went to China and gifted me chopsticks, and I found a way to use these chopsticks. And I like that.

Kevin Anthony 7:25
So you know, there’s a couple of things I love about it. So that was actually I wrote that question because every girlfriend I’ve ever had, has always had a story about the first thing whether it was the massaging showerhead, or it was the stuffed animals or, or whatever. And so I was really curious, as somebody who decided to start a company based around sex toys if any of your early childhood experiences influenced, you know, either what you make now or even that decision, right?

Alexandra Fine 7:59
Yeah, I don’t think that that necessarily did. I do know that when I was in high school though that like I was like, one sex toy. And I remember like looking and like well, one I wasn’t at and so it was really challenging to buy one and I just remember like, seeing like very very phallic-looking sex toys and I think like somehow I got my hands on like a with a plastic stick that was actually quite painful and uncomfortable and not pleasant to use.

Céline Remy 8:38
So I’m curious about that before then use you created your own line of products. What was your experience like that small because like you say, okay, I use this for a story and it was painful. I didn’t like I look like did you have other experiences or and were you a big sex store user then?

Alexandra Fine 8:58
Yeah, I would say Yeah, memories. College, I remember going to like some of the sex shops in St. Louis, which is where I went to undergrad. I got this small bullet that was squishier, which I just instinctively knew I was going to like more. It had like a chord and then like remote control and I was using that somewhat regularly. Then one day I wanted it to work and it wouldn’t work and I put new batteries and it wasn’t working and I was stumbling around the batteries and the wires and I isn’t on fire. No joke smoking and like flames came out of it.

Alexandra Fine 9:48
Like I know what I did now did I short circuit in it like I kind of cross the wires that should not have been exposed? Like, that shouldn’t happen. Do you know? I think it would both like wow, vibrators are You know, inexpensive vibrators are inexpensive, I think No, it’s also probably jelly. So it probably has like some valleys in it and things that weren’t so great for you. And then later in college, I bought a vibrator that I really really like. And it was such a nicer experience the product just works better for me and it looks more aesthetically pleasing and not like a penis, you know, which is you know, not I was never trying to replace you know, a partner in any way.

Alexandra Fine 10:39
And I also for me, when I masturbate, I predominantly want external stimulation. I’m not really interested in internal stimulation, though most products are really needed for internal stimulation. And then, you know, I think it was really about I just love These tools I relied on them and use them fairly frequently, and felt like there was not a brand out there that represented my experience, with the products within the products themselves in the marketing.

Alexandra Fine 11:20
And I had tried this one, one product that was a partner toy, and it goes inside of the vagina along with the penis, and it loops back around provides a 12 stimulation. And because you know, I was looking for ways of getting additional control stimulation during sex because that is such a powerful place for me a place where I feel, you know, I get a lot of sensation and wanting to get more of that invasion during sex. We tried this tool and it was kind of uncomfortable and my partner also really disliked it. So that you know, it was really a barrier between us and he didn’t feel like he could feel me as well.

Alexandra Fine 12:04
And so that wasn’t so great. How can we just kind of get half of this product? How can I just get the clitoral stimulation and that led me to invent my first product which is called Eva. It’s a hands-free control vibrator that can be worn on top of a quitter. And so it’s worn externally during penetrative sex. And, and yeah, that product, we launched it on Indiegogo and brings quite a bit of money and that was how I started the company.

Kevin Anthony 12:35
Okay, so there’s a couple of interesting things here. The first one is is you know, we’ve heard some really good sex toy fail stories before, but this is the first time I’ve heard anybody tell me they lit them on fire. This guy had the funniest picture of you like they’re naked with your vibrator, all of a sudden the thing just burst into flames

Alexandra Fine 12:58
I just needed it to work you know, like, at that moment, you’re just like, come on, come on, come on, like, I’m ready. Like, you gotta be ready.

Kevin Anthony 13:08
Here’s, yeah, here’s the second thing that I thought was cool about what you were telling us is that you started this company and your design to the products based on your actual user experience. And that is something I think that’s probably different from a lot of companies. You know, a lot of companies out there are just like, we’re just gonna make a cheap product, we’re gonna throw this out there, we’re gonna do that we just, it’s all about making money.

Kevin Anthony 13:31
But I actually really appreciate the fact that the company was born out of like, you have frustrating experiences with crap products, right, and decided that you needed something better than that, and you couldn’t find it, so you’re gonna make it. So that’s actually I think that’s kind of how the best products are made.

Céline Remy 13:48
Yeah, absolutely. And you said something really important too, that I think we’ll come back to later when you were like, talking about just wanting the external and so that it wouldn’t take away also from From the partner experience, and later down this interview, we’ll talk about bringing this into the bedroom and using it with a partner. So I thought it was really good because it’s often one of the biggest fear, especially for men, if you start to introduce a vibrator that he no longer will be needed.

Céline Remy 14:18
And so I love that what you’re talking about is like it’s a clit stimulation because we know that for most women, it’s the only way they can achieve an orgasm, especially during penetration. And so being able to still use have your partner’s penis, but have the additional stimulation of the vibrator can really create a powerful combination that can lead to powerful orgasms.

Kevin Anthony 14:49
You know what else is great too is she’s like over there sort of like blushing and like putting her head. It only took the second question in this interview to get her to blush It means we’re doing a good job over here.

Céline Remy 15:04
You kind of told us a little bit about like the game product and just kind of an overall I want to know like, what would you say is different? Like, what is different about the game products and your sec stories versus any other sec stories? Because there is so much out there, right?

Alexandra Fine 15:21
Yeah, so our products are designed predominantly by women and for our community. We have over 10,000 people who have signed up to the game lab testers, and anybody can sign up by going through our website. And this allows you to kind of engage with us about our products, we send out surveys, and also we send out prototypes.

We design and we use 3d printers in our offices in Brooklyn to develop unique products around this specific I always struggle with calling them pain points, but a user need And we design and develop the prototypes, we send them out to people get real feedback, iterate until we feel great about the product.

Alexandra Fine 16:10
And that I think is really what sets us apart in our innovation and design is that we really include consumers in the process. Some of our products are also like truly unique in the way that they function and work on some of them are just, you know, have slightly small improvements on kind of your standard form, like for example, our which is our internal products. Nothing too, too crazy innovative, but by really talking to a wide variety of people, we were able to create a product that we think has it.

Alexandra Fine 16:50
A shape that feels really great internally provides internal pressure and can also be used externally because what we found was from our survey that 86% of the people we were asking, we wanted to buy an internal toy, we’re saying they were 100% going to use it externally as well. So I use two percentages in my sentence. That was confusing. But really, it’s like this. This is a toy that you buy for internal stimulation, or really, almost everybody is also using it externally.

Alexandra Fine 17:23
So through the surveys, we were able to find that out, and then make small tweaks to our design to optimize for both these cases.

Kevin Anthony 17:31
So it’s the Swiss Army vibrator, then

Alexandra Fine 17:35
yeah, we also use medical-grade silicone, which you know, a lot of products will say body-safe, and that does not necessarily mean that it’s now sprayed. And we also have a return policy. So if you buy a product from us directly from our website, you’re unhappy, we will. We will give you your money back or you can exchange it for a different product. think that the idea that you can’t return these products for hygienic purposes feels like it’s working on shame. You know, it’s not.

Alexandra Fine 18:09
You can return underwear, you can return. There are so many products that will give you your money back if you’re unhappy with them. And I think it’s a really great example of how we are trying to remove shame from the commerce experience.

Céline Remy 18:27
I like that because I think we are all designed slightly differently. You’re always taking a gamble when you’re choosing a sex toy. And sometimes it just doesn’t fit. The thing it says a lot about your company because well, you don’t have just one product and then the fact that you’d be willing to be like, Hey, this is what didn’t fit for me, or this doesn’t work. You guys might be like, Hey, why don’t you try this one? She brought that one back and we’ll ship you this and be like, Oh, cool. Like, it’s like you are really about people’s pleasure. And I like that. So this of course, yeah,

Alexandra Fine 19:01
I customer satisfaction, right? How can that not be your most important thing as a vibrator company?

Kevin Anthony 19:08
This begs the question, what do you do with the returned items?

Alexandra Fine 19:16
we don’t we don’t actually always make the return. It depends on the situation. If it’s a defect, we’ll take them. And we bleach them. And then we, we break them down to find out like, you know, somebody said, Oh, I feel like this isn’t it used to be stronger six months ago, and I think it’s weaker. Now.

Alexandra Fine 19:32
Somebody said something like that. So you want to, like, validate their experience this way? We know well, one if it’s accurate or not accurate, and if there is something we need to do to make the product even better. But that’s what won’t be with those trainers like them? Well,

Kevin Anthony 19:49
so actually, I’m glad to hear it sounds like your company really does things the right way. And that’s awesome. Especially in this industry. There’s a lot of maybe not so great. Yeah, companies out there. So it’s good to see somebody in the space that does that. And I think what I want to focus on now is more about using sex toys in the bedroom.

Kevin Anthony 20:12
Obviously, at the end of the show, we’ll give people an opportunity to figure out how they can find out more about your products and get a hold on if they want. But let’s dive a little deeper into like, Okay, so what about using these sex toys? And the first question we had is, what are the benefits of using sex toys? Like why? Why should somebody go to buy a sex toy and use it?

Alexandra Fine 20:36
That’s their only great question. I would like to be really careful with my shins about like, what should you do? You should do whatever feels right for you. So if you are having orgasms, and you masturbating with your hands and that works for you when you have no desire to experience something else, That’s great, you know, you don’t need a sex toy. However, if you’re interested in additional stimulation if you have a hard time achieving orgasm, and you know about 10% of women report being an orgasmic, then even a higher percentage just report having difficulty achieving orgasm at some point during their lives.

Alexandra Fine 21:23
A vibrator can be a really powerful way of experiencing an orgasm or getting different sensations. There’s also different types of tool. So there are also products that you can use internally. So if you are interested in learning more about your, your G spot, or whatever spot inside of you feels like you can see the pleasure of being able to reach inside of you. It’s really hard to do that unless you have a tool or something that’s going to make, you know, your hand longer essentially.

Alexandra Fine 21:59
So that’s another video I fit. I mean for me though, like in a more practical sense, but I just think it’s really empowering to have, you know, a product in my bed down that allows me to access my pleasure in a little easier way I’m going if I didn’t have it and that leads me to have more orgasms in my life and that leads me to have less stress in my life. It can boost your immune system and it can help you go to sleep.

Alexandra Fine 22:34
And I think it really does help at the end of the day me and or my partner ultimately just connect and have a stronger relationship both because we can use that product during play if we want and also because I don’t always even if he’s not mentally there something that’s okay like not reliance.

Kevin Anthony 23:00
Yea, orgasms,

Céline Remy 23:02
I really see them as a way not only to increase the physical pleasure but also the emotional connection between partners. Because if you’re going to start to use a sex stories, and you will give our listeners some tips to her about how to do that, you’re going to have to have a conversation, you’re going to have to talk about sex to talk about your needs, about your wants. And when you do that, it creates a deeper emotional connection, deeper intimacy, and it does bring you closer.

Céline Remy 23:30
So the idea that the sex story could actually get between you is actually really further from the truth. It’s something that could bring you closer because then you’re united to the common cause of having this orgasm and getting to your pleasure and then you’re like having to have this communication. And this is all part of the juiciness of it.

Kevin Anthony 23:53
Yeah. And you know, that’s largely, I think, on the male side, it’s largely an ego thing, right? Which is Like, oh, I’m not enough for you kind of thing that I think that’s where the fear of bringing sex toys comes in. But I think if men truly understood that it’s not an Oh, you’re not enough thing. It’s an Oh, this is just something different or Oh, this is an aid or, this is, you know, it could literally be “it’s not you, it’s me” kind of thing as well, right.

Kevin Anthony 24:21
So I think to have that conversation and having men understand that this is not because you are not good enough, big enough, long enough, last night, whatever. It’s not about that. That it’s about, you know, and the other point I would bring into is you mentioned that you know, you’re not always relying on him to be to have to provide you with the stimulation and orgasm. And I think that’s really empowering for women to the fact that they can take control of their own pleasure, especially if he’s not available or capable at that moment, or whatever it is.

Céline Remy 24:56
Absolutely. You know, I think for me, actually, sex stories are what helped me to discover what a clit orgasm was. I was never able to masturbate to orgasm from my clit because I would get bored and I would never do it long enough. I never understood what it took. And it’s only I discovered my clitoris when I was 23. So very late, and I had vaginal orgasms before I had clitoral orgasms. I never had that until I used a vibrator.

Céline Remy 25:24
Once I used a vibrator, I understood the concept of rhythm and pressure and stimulation that was required. Then one day I was in a situation where I did not have my vibrator and really wanted to masturbate and I said, Why don’t I try with my hands to do what my vibrator does? That’s how I taught myself to do this. And then I was able to bring that into having sex with my partner and using just our bodies to have me have clitoral orgasms. So without a vibrator, maybe I would never have had a cleaner orgasm.

Alexandra Fine 25:55
Totally. I think that that’s so accurate. And I think that there’s so that that’s true. resonates with so many other people. And a similar story, as I’ve heard, that these products can sometimes be a way of learning.

Alexandra Fine 26:10
And expanding, and it doesn’t mean you always need them, you know, but they’ve taught you something that you can take with you from there. And I don’t even find to that, like, when I can turn myself on, and I’m having my own personal like, working on my own energy. I can bring my energy and my sexuality to my partner, I didn’t know authentically and better, I feel sexier, because I was able to tap into that, you know, in my own space, and then that helps me bring that to the collective speed.

Céline Remy 26:44
That’s awesome. So we talked a lot about benefits, and I do want to bring maybe some of the pitfalls I would still like it too. I’m curious, what do you think Alex would be one of the pitfalls of using sex toys if any

Alexandra Fine 27:01
Um, I think that when it comes to sex that if you become, it can be really easy to form a pattern. It can be really easy to be like, Oh, I can only orgasm once you put this finger in my bum, or whatever it is, and then you start developing like, oh, like that one porn or one genre of porn. I think it’s really important to just be expansive and not always, I mean, not always masturbate or have sex in the exact same pattern. I think that that can just kind of both get boring but it also can become reliant.

Alexandra Fine 27:44
So I think that for some people, you know if for some people a vibrator really truly is the only way they know how to achieve an orgasm, and that is perfectly fine. And that I don’t think that device vibrators Are you know, research shows that They don’t produce any kind of nerve damage or change or sensitivity over time. They actually can no create ads because of mutation at that moment, just like if you touch anything like when you put your hand first in cold water and then you get used to it there is that Dorney experience.

Alexandra Fine 28:20
But you know there’s nothing wrong with always using a vibrator. I think that if that is how you access your pleasure, then power to you. But do you think it’s good to have more than one vibrator, to try and masturbate in different positions and try out different things? Because you’ll continue to expand your concept of pleasure and the ways you can ask them to pleasure. And I do think that that ultimately, is better.

Kevin Anthony 28:46
Yeah, and yeah, I’m also a big proponent in personal responsibility. And so when it comes to, you know, people saying, Oh, well, this is bad because it creates this or that. It’s never the inanimate object. It’s always the person and how they choose to use it right? So yes, somebody could use a vibrator in a certain way. Maybe they have an addictive personality. And maybe they’ve trained their body to the only orgasm with that specific device in that specific way.

Kevin Anthony 29:13
And that can have a negative impact on their relationship, and maybe even their relationship to their own sexuality. But that’s not right. It’s not the fault of the tool. is the fault of the person, the user.

Céline Remy 29:24
Yeah, absolutely. All right. So we’re going to give, we’re going to have a few more questions super excited about bringing the sex toys in the bedroom. But before that, we want to invite you to our Platinum program. So if you are a committed couple who is stuck in a rut and just going through the daily motions instead of connecting the way you used to, and you tired of stale, mechanical sex that like spontaneity and fun and you don’t want to live a life of average, then we would like to invite you to join us into our highly sexed power couple Platinum program.

Céline Remy 29:58
So if you give us 90 days, we will We’ll help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually so that you can thrive with more purpose and passion in life. And you can find more about our program at Celine remy.com/passion.

Céline Remy 30:13
Alright, Alex. Now what would you say to our listeners who feel shy about bringing sex toys to the bedroom?

Alexandra Fine 30:22
I would say that it is okay that you feel that way. And it’s a totally valid feeling as in Taiwan, Korea therapist for a while validating your feelings.

Alexandra Fine 30:35
And then I would you know, there are so many couples I’ve tried using a vibrator in the bedroom or use them and consistently and that there is nothing to be ashamed of, or embarrassed. And then I think that if you had a supportive partner, that it’s important to be able to have A conversation that maybe is a little embarrassing for you about. Like that is like the kind of like us being vulnerable with your partner. And that’s really important in order to, like create a really great foundational and a strong relationship.

Alexandra Fine 31:17
So I think if you’re feeling shy or feeling like this is something you can’t bring up with your partner, I think that might be an indication or like, probably other things that maybe you’re not bringing up with your partner, like, you should really like let’s, let’s sit and think about that. It’s okay to be shy. It’s okay to be embarrassed.

Alexandra Fine 31:39
And but you’re not going to get the things you want unless you vocalize to take action. So I would say I believe in you, you can bring it up, you can bring it and there’s no one right way of introducing it. Okay, you know,

Céline Remy 31:58
so that’s kind of what I was thinking. Like, how do you tell, especially if you’re women? How do you tell you, men, that you know he’s doing a good job, and you’re happy and yet you still want to use sex toys? Like-kind of back to that? That concept. We’re talking at the beginning about not hurting his ego, like this, whatever I need.

Alexandra Fine 32:16
I have a few thoughts for one way you just expressed it was perfect, right? Which is like, Hey, I just want you to know, like, that sentence you just said could be used for so many people, like I’m really happy. But wouldn’t it be fun if or I’m really fulfilled in our relationship, but I actually really, like I can actually have much more powerful orgasms if we use a vibrator. And I think that would be fun for you to like, you’re going to enjoy experiencing my orgasm.

Alexandra Fine 32:43
Or like they, in my experience, that is the reaction I’ve gotten. And I do think, yeah, it’s like getting a good partner. You know, like, that’s always really fun for you too. It’s good for all that, you know, I think when I first started answering these questions, I do often say things are still things. To some extent these things are a trigger, which is, you know, it’s great to maybe suggest it before you have, you know, maybe not immediately after, right, because now it’s kind of like saying, like, it wasn’t good enough. And, you know, there’s all these things that we can do to make me think if we care about our partners we do.

Alexandra Fine 33:26
We want to help them work with their ego in a healthy way and we don’t want to hurt their feelings. But also, you know, it’s not you know, it’s not always your responsibility to carry the hundred percent care about their ego. You know, one time somebody asked me this question was on a panel and I gave my answer, which was very much you know, you know, sweet, probably and compassionate and the person next to me is Cindy Gallop, who has a website called to make love, not porn. Amazing.

Alexandra Fine 34:00
She looks like what I do is, when I’m having sex, I take out my vibrator and say, let’s use my vibrator now. I was like, Yes. That is like, such a powerful like, there’s no reason why that’s not okay. It really becomes your partner. It depends on where you are at in your relationship. But that is a totally acceptable way of introducing a vibrator into the bedroom. It doesn’t need to be so gentle. It can also just be like, Hey, I’m gonna vibrator now. Cool. Like,

Céline Remy 34:34
you don’t have to ask for permission. I mean, honestly, if you’re not the biggest advocate for you on orgasms, I mean, who else would be, and then if you have no problem with that, you’re not bringing any issues into the bedroom. So it really also has to do with doing your own internal work of like releasing shame and all of this and then just being like, this is cool.

Céline Remy 34:51
Like, you don’t apologize for brushing your teeth and using an electric toothbrush. It is like hey, here’s my toothbrush. I’m brushing my teeth and doing a good job right so

Kevin Anthony 34:59
you just Say Honey, I need DVP today, and you’ve only got one penis.

Céline Remy 35:07
Double vaginal penetration if you didn’t know what DVP was,

Kevin Anthony 35:11
I love that all three of us though didn’t need any explanation. But, you know, all jokes aside, right? It’s really about communication with your partner. And it’s the sort of thing that you should be communicating about before you even get into the bedroom. And it shouldn’t be an issue by the time you’re in the bedroom, that shouldn’t be an issue anymore.

Céline Remy 35:29
Absolutely. So we’ve got two more questions. One is if you have any tips to make sex toys more sexy.

Alexandra Fine 35:39
Oh, I think factoring You know, I think game products sex toys are pretty sexy. aren’t really sexy. I think that it’s always about intention setting. I think that objects can have a lot of power. So before when we were talking about how like it’s never really the tool It is predominantly us. But there are very different tools that are more effective than others, right? different tools like they can have power and you can kind of, you know, generally, when we design toys, we like to talk about trying to make the product, not the center of the experience actually can be really fun too.

Alexandra Fine 36:20
And we want to make it so that the toy almost feels invisible. So it’s really about you connecting with your partner. And this is like a little sprinkle that you’re adding to your experience. But if you want you can also really elevate the product and make and use the tool and like worship, the tool to a little bit and that can really like elevate, like, the anticipation of using it. So it becomes like a sexy thing.

Alexandra Fine 36:49
Like if you’re good or bad, you know, whatever you want to be, and maybe we’ll bring this use this tool so it can be part of play think that that can be a really fun way. There’s also like some remote control products or you can wear them all day. And it’s your little secret or your partner central it from across rooms. There are so many ways and again, like this is where the tool really kind of becomes a little bit more center in the experience. But I think that by giving it that space, it can really shine and become its own sexy object.

Kevin Anthony 37:30
I love that you can do both with that the idea that it can sort of disappearing into the background. And it can also be the main focus. You know, one of the things I used to say all the time, I used to race downhill mountain bikes, and whenever we’d go out and do like training runs and stuff, you know, we’d be done and somebody says how’s your bike working, you know, and I would say, you know what, I’d have to stop and think and I’d say the days when it works the best, or the days when I didn’t notice it was there.

Kevin Anthony 38:00
When it was just me and the trail and I had to like, you know what, I didn’t have a single thought about what my bike was doing, on the whole, the whole run down that mountain. That’s when it really felt good. So, so I love that you’ve designed the products to kind of be like that they kind of like they blend in, you’re not focused so much on them, but yet they’re adding to the experience. They’re enabling the experience while at the same time if you want to make it a focus you can that’s pretty cool, actually, huh?

Alexandra Fine 38:28
Yeah.

Céline Remy 38:29
Love it.

Céline Remy 38:30
So we are going to give you our favorite question, which is the one we asked all of our guests and we want to know what is your best sexual talent? Alex?

Alexandra Fine 38:40
I think I give great blowjobs.

Kevin Anthony 38:46
Right didn’t even hesitate that some of our guests are like, deer in headlights, like

Alexandra Fine 38:52
pretty good feedback. So I know.

Kevin Anthony 38:58
Well, the two of you should be friends.

Alexandra Fine 39:06
I would really like to get good at cunnilingus, but I don’t have as many opportunities. But I do feel like that could be you know, just you know, I don’t think I’m good at it probably right. I don’t know if I want to be this expert, and when I think about life learning, I like continuing to expand. I would like to, I’d like to be able to please all

Céline Remy 39:32
Oh, so that’s the next sexual talent that you’re aiming for you Alex, this is not a boring life at all.

Kevin Anthony 39:41
Definitely.

Céline Remy 39:45
So we, we’ve got a link for all of your listeners in the descriptions to check out the damn products and look at all their collections because there is going to be something for you for sure. And tell our listeners if there are any other places to that they can find you follow you.

Alexandra Fine 40:04
Yeah, we are a Dame products.com we are Dame products on Instagram on Twitter on Facebook. And my handle is a fine human. Because of Alec Fine and I am a human.

Kevin Anthony 40:21
Very clever,

Céline Remy 40:22
very clever. So you can follow Alex there too.

Kevin Anthony 40:28
Well, darn, you know, I wish we weren’t running out of time, which we actually are because it sounds like Alex that you and your partner have quite the sex life. I’d love to dive down into finding out some more about that. But

Alexandra Fine 40:42
sometimes we don’t feel I’ve learned to also not like, keep track. Have you guys ever you know or like only something that’s coming off? Is what it is fine. I’m enjoying it when we’re doing it.

Céline Remy 40:56
Oh, yeah.

Kevin Anthony 40:58
All right. Well, thank you. Thanks for joining us and helping everybody out there feel more comfortable about sex toys and possibly bringing them into their bedroom in their relationship.

Alexandra Fine 41:09
Yes, you guys passion can be there for a long time if you like, make it an intention. And I feel like you guys are bringing that to people and that’s really beautiful. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 41:20
Thank you. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week.

Kevin Anthony 41:32
We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 41:40
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault

Kevin Anthony 41:54
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 41:55
And remember, you are amazing.